Chosen: I’d Like To Live Through A Week That’s Not A Whole New Verse Of “We Didn’t Start The

Dark: I prevented a murder today.

Second: Really? That’s amazing! How did you do that?

Dark: Self-control.

Purple, in Green’s bed: Morning… how’d ya sleep last night?

Green, knocking Purple off: WHAT THE HELL?!

Purple: Ow—

Green: What were you doing in my bed? You were supposed to sleep on the air mattress on the floor!

Purple: I had a nightmare.

Green: You had a nightmare? What are you, five years old?

Purple: Listen, I needed to feel comfortable and I was getting this perverse power dynamic vibe from me sleeping on the floor and you sleeping up there-

Green, in a royal accent: Why yes, how high and mighty I am up on my twin XL!

Purple: That is not what I meant—

Green: Silence in the presence of your king, who sleeps a lofty twelve and a half inches above the ground!

Purple: Listen, I’m not ashamed. I slept comfortably when I got up on your bed and I’m sure you did too.

Green: Yeah, okay-

Purple: You know what? I wanna know. How’d you sleep last night?

Green: …That was the best I’ve slept in a while.

Purple, gasping: The king slept comfortably with a peasant in his bed!

Green: I did not consent to this-

Purple, dramatically: But my liege, our love is forbidden!

Green, on the phone: Hi, is this the front desk? Yeah, there’s a bed bug in my room and he’s five-foot-seven.

Blue: A bicycle is the acoustic version of a motorcycle.

Yellow: What drugs are you on right now?

Blue: Yes.

Chosen: There are three ways to handle a difficult situation. The right way, the wrong way, and the Dark way.

Second: Isn't that the wrong way?

Chosen: Yes, but it's faster.

Purple: My heart is guarded but like… very poorly. The kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R rated movie.

*out grocery shopping*

Red: *takes a free sample twice*

Red: Robbery and Fraud. I am a Rebel.

Second: Anyone d-

Yellow: Depressed?

Blue: Drained?

Red: Dumb?

Green: Disliked?

Second: -done with their work… what is wrong with you people…

Yellow starved to death

*Second is fighting a monster*

Dark: Just stay calm! You already have everything you need to beat it!

Second: The power to believe in myself!?

Dark: No, a knife! Stab it!

Second: That’s illegal, right?

Dark: Why do you care? Are you a fucking cop?

Second: No-

Dark: Then shut the fuck up.