Blue: Why Is It That I Always Lose Things As Soon As I Need Them?

Dark: *walks into the room*

Second: They’re covered in blood again. Why is it they’re always covered in blood?

Chosen: Well, it looks like it’s their own blood this time.

Green: I believe in you, Purple!

Purple, to themself: God, I must suck. The nicest thing Green can think to say to me is that they don’t doubt my existence.

Yellow: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once and it offends me.

Dark: If God’s ever been mad at anything I’ve ever said, he hasn’t done shit about it. Dark: So he either doesn’t care or he’s a coward.

Dark, looking at their watch: It has been 2 hours and sixteen minutes since I’ve insulted someone.

Dark: It’s been about 5 seconds since I’ve assaulted someone, but let’s not talk about that.

Blue: Why do soap smell so good but taste so bad?

Yellow: The smell is from delicious perfumes that have been added to the soap. The taste comes from a myriad of chemicals and ingredients that are probably not safe to eat!

Blue: You're so smart! Wanna go out?

Random person on the street: If you had to choose between your son and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Navy: That depends, how much money are we talking about?

Purple: Dad!

Random Person: 63 cents.

Navy: …I’ll take the money.

Purple: DAD!!!

Chosen: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

Chosen: I spy with my little eye someone who needs to shut the fuck up.

Dark: Is it me?

Chosen: It's always you.

Red: So, Purple, do you have a crush on anyone?

Purple: The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety.