Thor: Who Would You Kill Out Of The Four Of Us, Steve?

Kate: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Peter: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Y/N?

Y/N: Probably “road work ahead”.

Bucky, confused af: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

Steve: Hey, what have you two been up to?

Thor: We were helping Y/N write their vows, but they kicked us out because Bucky was making inappropriate suggestions.

Bucky: How is “Loki, I love your sweet ass” inappropriate?

Y/N: Self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of make up if you like that, or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically.

Peter: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. self care is the fear in your enemies eyes.

Loki: Self care is stealing someones birthday cake just to eat the frosting.

Peter: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

Loki: We need to get through this locked door. Thor, give me your credit card.

Thor: Here.

Loki, pocketing it: Thanks. Y/N, kick down the door.

*The squad over at Steve’s house*

Thor: Ohhh, we each get our own oven?

Steve: …N-No…

Steve, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???

Thor, motioning to the kitchen: Three, I thought!

Bruce: I see a—

Steve, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.

Thor: Oh, well I—

Steve: Hey wait, wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*

Steve, amazed: It’s got a bake setting!

Clint: Ohoho, you learn something new everyday!

Tony: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?

Steve: Now I’ve just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don’t need to roshambo nothin!

Steve: I am someone who owns four ovens…

Steve, louder and way too happy: I am someone… who owns FOUR OVENS…

Steve: I didn’t know I was so rich with ovens…

Natasha, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!

Steve:

Thor: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!

Steve:

Steve, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS

Wanda: All in all, a 100 successful trip.

Y/N: But we lost Pietro.

Wanda: All in all, a 100 successful trip!

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-

Peter: No returns.

Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

Loki, negotiating with Steve & Bucky

Loki: We have Y/N. Give us ten thousand dollars and they will be returned to you unharmed

Y/N: Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I'm only worth ten thousand dollars?

Steve & Bucky:

Y/N: MAKE IT ONE MILLION-

Steve & Bucky, in unison: Y/N STOP

A/N- For those of you that don’t remember…

Peter 1= Tom’s Peter

Peter 2= Tobey’s Peter

Peter 3= Andrew’s Peter

Y/N: Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they're a wide-eyed mess.

Peter 3: What the fuck kind of Subway are you going to?

Peter 1: Substitute teachers deal with so much shit.

Peter 2: Guys.