Winter Is Cold For Those Who Do Not Have Warm Memories

moments

Views from my desk at university.

introduction.

now that i have begun a blog here, i shall introduce myself. admittedly i am not all that good at tech stuff... i've always stayed away from the more computational side of science, so please excuse me if i make any mistakes.

general:

i fall under the trans umbrella. i was born a woman, but i have yet to figure out who i truly wish to be. i hope i do one day, however right now i prefer he/they pronouns: she/her pronouns make me uncomfortable, yet i understand differing beliefs and have no problem if i am referred to as she/her.

i am studying to become a cardiac surgeon: i want to be skilled in surgery, specifically cardiac surgery, and travel the world to provide medical/surgical care to areas lacking access to such care, such as warzones, less developed countries, and rural areas.

i have never been officially diagnosed with anxiety nor depression, at least not on paper. many doctors and therapists have told me i have strong symptoms and i have gotten pills prescribed. you may expect posts about my mental health, as i have no one in my life to talk about them to.

my favourite animals are cats, snakes, and otters. maybe penguins. i like dark green and dark red. my favourite band is the arctic monkeys- i went to their concert last year and enjoyed it immensely.

school:

i am a pre med student pursuing a bachelor's of science in honours anatomy and cell biology. as of now, i am a first year. i am debating between a minors in medical anthropology, biomedical engineering, or if i will even do a minors at all. we shall see.

research:

my interests lay in biomedical engineering. i enjoy learning about the applications, design, and challenges of nanotechnology, specifically tissue engineering. i also enjoy learning about the designs and ideas behind medical technology, however i don't believe myself to be enough of an engineer to pursue it myself. my current project is collaborative: i co-lead a dry lab team on writing a research paper using results from our wet labs, where they are developing a biomimetic bioadhesive. truly fascinating stuff.

hobbies:

sports: badminton, swimming, figure skating, trying to get into fencing and archery

instruments: voice (soprano, alto, tenor), piano, flute, want to learn cello

art: i enjoy oil paints the most, however i am also proficient in basically all other mediums like watercolour, acrylic, charcoal, pastels... i have been challenging myself to do sculptures lately too. i prefer landscape paintings however i also sketch still life and portraits.

other: i enjoy reading and writing. i mostly read nonfiction nowadays (ex. books about fish evolution. seems boring but it is quite fascinating) however i have always held a fondness for "classics". my creative writing style is very descriptive. in every sentence i write, i wish to covey yearning and beauty. it is a shame that i do not get to practice my writing much anymore. i also enjoy baking and cooking. in the future, i want to learn how to ride a motorcycle and buy myself a batcycle (aka. a kawasaki or yamaha fully black bike. they look sick.).

language:

i speak english and mandarin chinese fluently. i am proficient in french. i wish to learn italian and spanish.

i'm not too sure how many facts to include here before i sound like a narcissist. i shall end it here. (i really want a white ball python they are so adorable).

had a quiet day today

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11/100 days of productivity

song of the day: lune noire-isolde lasoen

pretty okay day today. starting to lose my motivation a little bit but i have midterms coming up. i have a chemistry one next week and i am very behind on content which is... unfortunate.

academic: finished my chemistry lab and my lab report. finished my calculus problem set. halfway finished my physics problem set. finished my chemistry quiz with a friend. attended an engineering symposium and got free pizza.

research: did some research into egg albumen adhesives. apparently our wet lab is using it as a control so i'll have to add the protocol to our paper. it was very interesting though.

selfcare: got myself a nice turkey apple brie sandwich today. i had no idea the sandwiches at my school's sandwich and soup bar were that good. it was so yummy i will be buying it again. sadly they close at 2 but i want to try other sandwiches.

tomorrow: i have to submit my appliation for a summer research position since it's due in 3 days. my school is having a club fair so i will be getting free stuff.

“If I’ve learned one lesson from all that’s happened to me, it’s that there’s no such thing as the biggest mistake of your existence. There’s no such thing as ruining your life. Life’s a pretty resilient thing, it turns out.”

— Sophie Kinsella

heart (n)

a hollowed thing. the size of a fist. made up of multiple layers of tissue, each peeling away as their part is played. the center of the circulatory system, the controller of life. essential. beats sharing, taking. made of glass-blown sculptural imperfection. a tapestry. woven stories, of spools of thread. stained in all the wrong places. an actor, one that cannot lie. a symphony of movement. yet to be tuned, a hesitant metronome. moderato, a drum hit 2.5 billion times, the ending note being all that the audience remembers.

sound the drum and let the act begin

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17/100 days of productivity

song of the day: two- bbno$

over 8 hours of studying for chemistry today! i did so many practice problems my brain is barely working now. just finishing up a physics discussion assignment because i completely forgot about it... oops. made a little list of concepts to review tomorrow.

my ceiling light has been out for the past 3 days and my room is literally freezing... good thing i went apartment hunting for an hour instead of studying today.

tomorrow: going to an 11 hour conference but i think i'll leave early to study for my midterm.

One day you think: I want to die. And then you think, very quietly, actually I want a coffee. I want a nap. A sandwich. A book. And I want to die turns day by day into I want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friends, I want to sit in the sun. I want a cleaner room, I want a better job, I want to live somewhere else, I want to live.

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13/100 days of productivity

song of the day: spartacus: ballet suite no. 2:1. adagio of spartacus and phrygia- aram khachaturian

woke up late and had to skip my biology lecture. went to my next lecture and headed to the library to do work. wifi went out campus wide when i was submitting my research application so i was struggling to connect to my data for two hours.

academic: finished my biology pre lab. attended a networking event with some professors and had a fun time with my chemistry professors.

tomorrow: biology post lab, physics problem set, physics pre lab, review for chemistry midterm.