Bluerbei - Dream.

RM & V, 4 o’clock // Mary Ruefle, from Trances of the Blast; “Picking Up Pinecones” // BTS, Serendipity (2) // Agust D, Moonlight // Haruki Murakami, Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World // Elena Yushina, 1958 // RM, Don’t

i am not used to being spoken to or touched or held or kissed or loved although, 

i know how all of that feels

——-

i hope today you decide to live.

i hope you don’t let the numbness convince you this is where you’ll be forever. you don’t want to be here or live like this, i know, but i hope you’re still hanging on right now because i want you to live to see the day when you feel happy. i want you to realize in the moment someday that you’ve made it so far, and you no longer wish to just disappear because you’re right where you want to be. tonight it hurts and aches. everything is crumbling around you and it feels like too much. it always feels like too, too much. but when the dark cloud lifts, even if only for a second, i want you to see what’s on the other side.

take each day as it comes

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reminders for dealing with intrusive thoughts:

you are not your intrusive thoughts, they don't make you an awful person (i promise)

your fear and disgust towards your intrusive thoughts shows you acknowledge that those things are bad, therefore you'd most likely never act on them

you are not dangerous or disgusting or "insane"

you are not alone

it will be okay

your loved ones will be okay

you will be okay

Living Room, September 1998.

Dmitri Cavander

A small, quiet, rainy day today