All The Hogwarts Professors Joining Together To Absolutely Roast Lockhart Rb If You Agree

let's face it, Obi-Wan is only a stickler for the rules in comparison to Anakin. this guy thought lightsaber nunchucks were cool as a teenager and jumping out of politicians windows was cool as an adult. he regularly sasses the chancellor of the republic. he saw Anakin and Padmé being super obvious and decided it was none of his business. he sits pussy facing the world in important meetings. hes's a lonely single in your area. he won one (1) fight against a sith lord and decided they were his speciality despite getting his ass handed to him by Dooku multiple times. he's annoying on purpose as a battle strategy. every man he meets desires him carnally and he doesn't notice. he puts one foot on Han Solos ship and is like "damn bitch you live like this" despite having spent 20 years in a desert hole. he gets himself killed to one-up Vader one last time. he's winning the idgaf war

Coming into a fandom late

Mother’s Day

Minerva McGonagall was sitting in her office. She had just given detention to the one and only Weasley twins. The Weasley twins, she never thought she would have such trouble makers again since The Marauders. An owl flew through her window with the Daily Prophet. Minerva put 1 Knut in the little bag on the owl’s paw. She rolled the Prophet open and on the front page was a picture of Sirius Black. The sweet boy she once knew, or she thought she knew. Sirius Black, the troublemaker of the year, she had so many good memories of that boy. All the detentions she had given him, the times the Marauders pranked the Slytherins. Sometimes she laughed at their pranks and they would take that as a victory. Mysteriously those trouble makers had wormed their way in to Minerva’s heart, no matter how hard she tried to stop it, it hadn’t worked. Looking back at the paper, she started thinking. She couldn’t believe Sirius would do something so horrible, she had always thought of him as a hard working, brave, mischievous and good friend. She hadn’t expected this, she didn’t believe it. He could not have killed his best friend, the father of little Harry Potter who now had no longer parents and lived with his aunt and uncle.   She threw the newspaper in her trash can, not wanting to see the boy she loved as her own, in his prisoner clothes. The whole castle was awake by now. Sirius Black had found his way into the Gryffindor common room, or so Ron Weasley said. Minerva was searching in her hallway for the Black boy. In this hallway was her own bedroom as well. She was looking in one of the classrooms, but there was no trace of Black. She was about to walk away, when she saw a calendar. It was the 12th of May, Mother’s day. Sometimes Minerva wished she could have been a mother, have a child of her own. Looking away fast, she left the room. Minerva was tired after looking through the whole hallway, classroom after classroom. But she still had to be up all night. The last room she had to check was her bedroom. Opening the door, she saw a basket on her bed. She walked towards it, there was a note next to the basket: I’m sorry for all the Mother’s days I have missed. This is for the best mother anyone could ask for. Thank you Minnie. - your son

Minerva was now certain that Sirius Black was in the castle, because no one called her Minnie besides him. Minerva was beyond happy, because she realised something. The boy saw her as his mother, and so do many other students.

Don’t think of Pepper, who always knew that Iron Man would be the death of Tony, watch as her prediction came to fruition, and not be able to do anything about it except give him one last parting kiss on the cheek.

Don’t think of Happy, who had been with Tony long before he had returned from being held by terrorists, after which he had immediately asked for a cheeseburger. Don’t think of how he must have felt when his daughter asked for the same thing after Tony’s death.

Don’t think of Peter, who had finally gotten that hug when he wasn’t turning to ash, only to have Tony slip away only a few moments later. Don’t think of how it must have felt for him to lose yet another parental figure, the grief he must have faced.

Don’t think of Rhodey, who had known Tony since they were both in MIT, and who had already nearly lost him to terrorists all those years ago. Who had been by his side all these years, especially during his Avenging, only to watch as he slipped away.

Don’t think of Harley, who had met Tony so long ago in his shed, and who hadn’t heard much else from him until his funeral.

Don’t think of Morgan, who was only five, and whose last words to her father were “I love you 3000,” and who had these very words returned to her in the recording Tony left behind before he died.

And definitely don’t think of Tony, who was so close to the happy ending he fought so hard for. Who had his second kid back — the first being Harley — and even had a third with the love of his life.

Don’t think of Earth, which had lost its Greatest Defender in the process of being avenged.

Harry: *looking with wonder at the Marauder’s Map* Is that really…?

Fred: Dumbledore.

George: In his study.

Fred: Pacing.

George: Does that a lot.

Harry: So… what do the other professors do in their spare time?

Fred: Well, we’ve seen Flitwick’s dot hopping up and down in his office loads of times… figured he had some hidden passion for aerobics, but turns out Peeves just likes to drop his wand onto shelves he can’t quite reach.

George: Then there’s Snape. Creeps about at night quite a bit, which isn’t a surprise, but after we noticed him in the Trophy Room a few times, we went down one night to see what he was up to. He was changing your dad’s name to “Rotter” on all his Quidditch awards. 

Harry: HEY!

Fred: No worries, we set them right whenever he does it.

George: Man’s got to have a hobby.

Fred: Sprout sleepwalks, we reckon. Watched her bumping into the greenhouse wall for a half-hour one night. Lupin goes for a long jog in the Forbidden Forest once a month, it’s a bit odd. 

Harry: And McGonagall?

George: You know old mum. Standard stuff. Classroom, office, Great Hall one minute… 

Fred: …climbing the drapes, chasing birds, tipping over cups in the kitchens the next.

all these stories about how the modern day dionysian ritual is going out and murdering someone in the woods…the true modern day dionysian ritual is drunkenly going to taco bell at 3 am and i dare anyone to tell me otherwise

A Conversation that Probably Happened in the Jedi Council Chambers

Mace: Master Yoda, we have a serious attachment problem in the Order

Yoda: What do you mean?

Mace: Well, we have Plo adopting anything with a pulse, Skywalker's so married it hurts, and I'm pretty sure Aayla is sleeping with her commander. And I just ran into Obi Wan weeping into his commander's arms about the Duchess of Mandalore.

Yoda: Well, died, she just did. Messed up, it was.

Mace: That's besides the point. What are we going to do about it?

Yoda: Nothing.

Mace: Pardon?

Yoda: Nothing, we will do.

Mace: Does that mean we're allowing attachment now?

Yoda: Forbidden, attachment is.

Mace: But-

Yoda: Stopped caring, I have.

Luminara, sticking her head in: I don't have any attachments.

Mace: We know, Luminara.

Luminara: Like if my apprentice died, I wouldn't even care. Heck, I'd even finish the job.

Mace: WE KNOW LUMINARA

what’s funnier, albus dumbledore swearing his way through every great hall speech, or albus dumbledore legally not being allowed to say fuck

Black Widow Post-Credit Scene (what I want)

It’s the year 2014 after Ultron.

It happens before Thor disappears to Space.

Natasha is still upset that Bruce left her when something shiny catches her eye.

It’s Mijolnir.

She walks over to it, curious. Curious because she was the only one who hasn’t tried to pick it up.

She goes over to it, her hands ghosting over the hammer. She takes a deep breath and says “fuck it”

She picks up with the hammer, with surprisingly ease. She’s worthy. Natasha Romanoff is worthy.

She’s staring at the wall. Not because she misses Bruce but because she never thought she was worthy.

She decides to keep it a secret. She’s a human, she doesn’t want all that ‘power’ nonsense.

“You wanna keep staring at the wall, or do you wanna go to work? I mean, it’s a pretty interesting wall.”

Natasha snaps out of her thoughts, now looking at Steve. “I thought you and Tony were still gazing into each other’s eyes.”

Woman: From the video presentation it's clear that sexual harassment can take many forms in the workplace. A coworker with elevator eyes looking you up and down, a coworker shows you a cartoon or photo of a sexual nature.

Tony: If you're lucky.

Woman: A coworker's hand accidentally brushes up against your body.

Ziva: If you're really lucky.

Woman: Physical contact can be divided into three categories. Green light includes normal behavior. Yellow light includes borderline behavior such as hugging someone...

[Abby raises her hand.]

Woman: Yes?

Abby: What's wrong with hugging people? I hug people all the time.

Woman: You may see it as friendly, but your coworkers may find it offensive.

Abby: You guys get offended when I hug you?!

[everyone mutters no]

Abby: [happily] I am hugging you all in my mind right now.

Woman: DOD policy is very clear about this point, miss. You must first ask permission before making physical contact with a coworker.

Abby: Like, every time?

Woman: Yes. Finally there's red light behavior such as deliberate unwelcome touching.

Ziva leans forward and licks Tony's ear and neck, causing him to stand up in suprise.]

Woman: Another question?

Tony: Uh, yeah. If you slap someone on the back of the head like this... [slaps McGee's head, McGee slaps back] would that be considered inappropriate behavior?

Woman: Absolutely. Are you saying that this has actually happened?

[Jenny looks at Gibbs. Gibbs shares a look with Tony.]

Tony: ...No. Just wondering, that's all.

[Palmer raises his hand.]

Woman: Yes?

Palmer: What if your job includes touching, ah, naked people...

Woman: That is inappropriate at any time.

Palmer: Even if they're dead?

Woman: [sternly] Why are you touching dead naked people?!

Palmer: Well, I work in autopsy...