Despite Being Somewhat Of Public Figure, Nolan Did Not Do Well In Crowds. Less So Since The Riot. After

a cluster of tangled up sentiments comes up when nolan sees it’s oliver. ever difficult for him to be positive, nolan sits little to soften the edge in his tone. "really? looks nicer than anything i expect you to be used to." a nasty smile twists across his face as he puts a palm down behind him in the sand and leans back slightly, letting the sun warm his face as he takes another drag. he feels proud of himself. it's not like they had been blind to the whatever had been happening back there in the cabana.

Oli's eyes looked down at the wet pile of sand as he flicked the lighter and lit up his cigarette, he inhaled for a moment as he took in the smoke before finally releasing. "Your kingdom looks shit I won't lie.. I have definitely seen better. If some sand soldiers came and attacked you then I think you're in for some trouble." Taking another drag of his cigarette before exhaling once more. "Unless you have a sand dragon hidden somewhere of course."

there were many things for him to regret in life, but nolan always supposed that came with living. it was impossible for things to be perfect all the time, so mistakes were bound to happen. he could not deny that. could he admit to doing wrong in this instance, though? no, not when he watched her displeasure deepen day by day or when he listened to her complaints of the life she felt locked into. so why the anguish over something he stood by?

seeing her now, getting lost in her eyes all over again, nolan knew what it was he truly regretted. he wished he had made clear what he felt for her back then. shown her that what he had done wasn't just for her, but for both of them. he had been confident it would bring them closer together, not make them strangers to the point where he couldn’t even guess what she would say next.

of course they expected whatever she said to hurt. there was no way to avoid it, but when she spoke, a stinging sensation stabbed him in his chest and almost made him keel over.

a familiar panic began to wrap itself around his neck. he swallowed hard, pushing it down to the pit of his stomach. the acid will eat it away, he thought to himself as a bitterness began to fill his mouth. he refused to believe she didn’t want to ever see him again. if she’d been anyone else, he would’ve let the venom brewing in him to escape and return the pain. with serra, so sweet and so delicate in their eyes however, they couldn’t do it. so they swallowed it down again, the lump in their throat growing.

“i don’t think it’s funny,” he was finally able to get out. i think it’s really fucking sick actually, he almost spits out, but he doesn’t want her to run off and disappear again. he wants his explanation, needs it at this point. so he puts on a mask and pretends he’s fine; he knows how to act after all.

it’s when she stops and faces them that the facade begins to slip. they doubt they’re strong enough to keep it on much longer, so they let her have her way (an easy and natural thing for nolan). “okay. fine. not now,” he surrenders before going onto insist it’s not the end of things. “but we have to talk about this. i’ve missed you.. a lot. i know we can be close again if you only understood, so just… take time to talk to me.”

it’s a performance worthy of an academy award. serra walks away composed and confident, as if the entire situation wasn’t freaking her the fuck out, even as unseen tears stream down her face. it’s surreal?

sure, a part of her always knew that nolan would return to palmview, and perhaps on some level, she had been waiting and hoping for this moment. but, it feels too soon, far too soon. she’s not prepared for it, rendered breathless. 

when serra first saw the news, all she wanted to do was hug him, make sure he was okay. but now, it feels more natural to keep her distance. her confidant, her rock, now a stranger. from a distance, she watches him on the beach, the tide tickling his toes. there’s a calming familiarity that overcomes her, as if she’s watching an old video of their shared time back in los angeles, a faint, wistful smile filling her features.

she takes her time to meet him, her mind racing with a million thoughts of what to say, but none of them feeling quite right. now, only a few feet away, their eyes connect– and she had never envied the ghost crab more, wishing she too, could disappear into the sand. 

i’m really happy to see you, he says. is she happy to see him too? she’s unsure. pondering her words carefully, serra continues walking on the path he started. “i didn’t…” she starts, then falters, her eyes meeting his before looking away. “i didn’t…” again, she hesitates. “i didn’t think i even wanted to see you again.” she finally manages, her words coming out clumsily, in typical serra fashion.

“funny how i've ended up here.” she shrugs and chuckles nervously, the reality of living in his hometown just sinking in. “i can’t quite explain it,” she admits, unclear as to whether she’s talking about her arrival in palmview or her exit from los angeles. “—but, do we really have to do this?” she stops them short, her hand briefly finding their shoulder before she turns to face them fully. “you know exactly why i left, nolan. it's just... hard for me to look at you the same way."

not knowing what else to do, nolan sat in the sand. they scooped some into the bucket, methodically making sure it was wet enough that it would stand tall once he flipped it over. the cigarette he had lit rested between his lips as he worked. the movements were so easy, something he'd done a thousand times as a child, that he needn't think at all about it and yet, it still kept his mind from all that had been troubling him. once he turned it over and pulled the bucket off, however, the sand slipped down, so what was left was just a simple mound of wet sand rather than a castle. "fuck." he took a deep drag from the cigarette and blew it out as he allowed himself to fall back to lay flat on the beach. when he opened his eyes, he noticed a figure in his peripheral. he turned his head to look at them. "welcome to my kingdom," he said flatly as he sat up. // OPEN

it was true, nolan was aimless. palmview did something to him. it was almost as if he’d reverted back to teenage-hood whenever he got back home. not in every way, but in some sense. maybe it was the lack of work or the wanting to fit in, but feeling unknown to himself. whatever it was, it sent him on a walk, which often led to wandering around town for hours. today, however, he gained some direction when he saw a familiar face, only realizing he was in the market when she spoke to him. “i actually want to know nothing at all,” he replied with a wry grin, weighing whether or not he was speaking truthfully to himself as he took a seat next to her. “by all means, though, tell me what’s in there.” he nodded towards the smoothie, his smile still soft, now with curiosity. he allowed himself the comfort of being in the presence of someone who wasn’t his mother.

Where&When: the green spot // 6pm on Monday Starter for: @bnolan

This week had been hard and it had barely started. All she wanted to do was enjoy her green smoothie and cross items off of her grocery list but as usual, she had been bombarded with people that just wouldn't leave her alone. It was something she'd normally be cool with and readily accept/enthusiastically greet people but today had been a combination of a hard day at work and overwhelming attention.

She decided to sit down on a bench to catch her breath before seeing Nolan walking in her direction. "Please tell me you want to know what's in my smoothie and nothing else." She speaks with a bit of an exasperation in her voice.

biography. connections. navigation.

     [ … ] ❀ you’re not from around here , are you? i figured because you totally just missed { NOLAN BALLARD } walking by. don’t tell me you don’t know who { HE/THEY } is/are ? they kind of look like { JEREMY ALLEN WHITE } and i could be wrong but i think that they might be { 30 } years old right now. they’ve been living in palmview for the last { MONTH }. and i don’t know if anyone has ever told them this before but they kind of remind me of { SHANE } from { THE WHITE LOTUS }. if you stick around the town long enough you might catch them in action working at { X } as an { ACTOR / ACTIVIST }. you see this town isn’t really that big of a place, some folks like to call them the { THE MANNEQUIN } of palmview! they took a liking to the name too after a while, go figure. oh crap, they must have heard me yapping. they’re coming this way. i got to warn you though, rumor has it they can pretty { VAIN } at times. i wouldn’t take it too seriously though, from the times i’ve spoken to them they seemed pretty { GENEROUS } to me. we see each other all the time since they live in that { FOUR BEDROOM } apartment beside me over in { CORAL COVE }. i better leave you to it. it was nice meeting you!

QUICK STATS

name: nolan james ballard nickname(s): n/a gender: nonbinary man pronouns: he/him, they/them age: thirty dob: may 1, 1994 pob: palmview, florida, usa orientation: bisexual residence: apt #1b, harborview residencies, coral cove

APPEARANCE

height: 5’8 build: short and stocky; muscular ethnicity: italian american eye colour: blue hair colour: blonde notable features: ancient face; bright blue eyes style: quiet luxury tattoos: yes piercings: ears pierced, diamond studs

PERSONALITY

positive traits: candid, confident, informed, resolute, active, stylish negative traits: haughty, hostile, condescending, vain compulsive likes: recycling, meal prepping, dry wine, pampering themself, smoking dislikes: leg day, people magazine, fast fashion, dirty counters, mixing lights and darks

CAREER & EDUCATION

current occupation: actor; environmental activist past occupation(s): brand endorsements

HEAD CANNONS

nolan would rather awkwardly carry all his groceries in his arms than ever touch a plastic bag ever again

vegetarian (sometimes vegan) because meat industry is bad for the environment

not the most well-known actor since he ditched hollywood just as his career was taking off to stick to indies and the stage, but film buffs will likely recognize him from a couple of big titles from the 2010s + some cameos here and there, so as long as he's lowkey, people don't often recognize him much less come up to him

big decisions are always ran by his mother, annie. she doesn’t like most of his ideas so she’s contradicts him a lot, putting him in a weird head space whenever he does follow his intuition and go against her input

very much hates public speaking, but fights through his discomfort if it means educating people/communities on why it’s important to care about the planet

if he's not out socializing or working, he'll spend the evening/night at the gym

on top of the apartment he has here, he has a place in los angeles and new york city

"d'y'know what i mean?" nolan asked, peering at thea as he held up the two different colored polos. “i don’t think it’s the colors. i’m just more of a t-shirt or button-up guy.” why have a hybrid of each one of the two’s worst parts? maybe it was a sensory thing, but nolan hated the thick knitted fabric of them compared to the softness of a dress shirt. // @theaxward

#Is this not what happened?!