There Were Many Things For Him To Regret In Life, But Nolan Always Supposed That Came With Living. It

everything happened fast and yet slow at the same time. the moment of eye contact was brief, but it struck a cord that rushed their shared memories to the front of his mind. nolan felt a desperation he thought he’d abandoned some time ago.

the aggression in serra’s large response made nolan release her. it was a reflexive movement, as if he'd placed his palm on a hot stove. despite appearing almost helpless, it felt like serra had turned to flame and now nolan had a burned hand.

he thought back to when he last saw her. she’d been unreadable to him. it had discomforted him then since he had believed himself to know her better than she knew herself. hadn’t he freed her? had she wanted to be free of him too?

recognizing the threat of spiraling down a hole they had gone down many times, nolan shook their head violently to bring them back up. his hand still burned from the contact. “okay. fine.” he said curtly. his lips pursed as he watched her walk away. nolan did his best to believe she would do as she said and meet him at the beach.

the water was warm on his feet as he paced along the shore. they had hoped the lapsing waves would soothe them, become a sort a sensory distraction, but it was no use. there was no escaping the anxiety and dread of being played for a fool yet again as old questions and worries troubled his mind. it wasn’t until he saw her from yards away did the water actually begin to comfort him.

shoes in hand, nolan walked towards her. “i’m really happy to see you,” he told her once they were close enough to that he was sure she’d hear, unwilling to admit he doubted she’d come. “i just didn’t think i’d see you.. here of all places.”

who: serra and nolan (@bnolan) where: coral cove beach, palmview, florida

they say that the human body will respond to fear in one of four ways: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. flight has always been serra’s default, but with nolan’s hand around her wrist, escape seems impossible. she’s like a deer in the headlights, her big, doe-like eyes caught in his piercing blue gaze. realizing her mouth is slightly agape, serra swiftly presses her lips together and swallows, throat tight. “get off me!" her words spit like venom as she yanks her arm away and takes a step back to create distance. after a moment, she takes a breath, "please leave me alone." though her words are softer, tears threaten to spill.

anger, betrayal, and a deep sadness consume her. she misses him terribly but no longer trusts him. nolan turned her into a pariah under the guise of "protecting" her-- how does that make sense? but as she stands there questioning his motives, the ache of missing him only grows when she looks into his eyes. she doesn’t owe him any explanation for ghosting, but she can’t help feeling a pang of sympathy, knowing he might be seeking one. nonetheless, this wasn't really the right place to do it. "we can talk, but not here. i'll meet you on the beach in twenty minutes." she says gently, then walks off to gather her thoughts before seeing him again.

maybe it was because nolan was a serial monogamous, maybe it was just the fact that adrian could be so disrespectful; whatever the reason, nolan was not surprised to hear it was nothing serious. so expected in fact, he barely felt sorry for whatever poor girl had adrian confused. or the fact that'd he'd been swiping while there was still a possibility in his mind that the two were still together.

that was until he sees serra on the screen.

instinctively, nolan knocks the phone out of adrian's hand so it clatters on the table. "wha-- how-- what?!" though indirectly, it is the beginning of yet another series of questions serra has brought to him.

then he realizes, it is too late to play it cool. despite keeping adrian at somewhat of a distance, they've known each other long enough for nolan to get away with lying that he didn't know her. not with that reaction. instead of revealing just how well and for how long they've known serra, they decide to make it seem like less than it is. "sorry, man. just.. isn't that that influencer girl? you coulda' showed me another picture," he starts, then decides to quickly question him for more details to distract from his unease, but also to gather more information. "but what the fuck do you mean you don't know if y'all are together or not?" it was difficult to tone down his aggression.

adrian throws back the shot with ease, digits soon tapping impatiently against his thigh, itching for another drink. another cigarette. anything. he chuckles at nolan's question, "oh that? nah, that's-- i'm just seeing what's out there tonight. nothing serious."

as if on cue, his phone vibrates in his pocket. he almost drops it in his haste to pull it out, lips moving silently as he reads the notification on his lock screen: emrata, nbaonespn and serra recently added to their stories. "actually, i uh--" he looks up at nolan again, realizes he's never mentioned serra to him before, and well, they're close enough that he could tell him now, "--i've been seeing this girl for a while. or, used to, i guess, i don't fucking know--" he chuckles again, even though there's nothing funny about it and their last conversation left him feeling like complete shit.

a few, quick swipes and he's holding his phone out to nolan; on the screen, a half-naked selfie of serra, clearly meant for adrian's eyes only. "i mean, she's hot, right?" he asks with a shit-eating grin.

despite being somewhat of public figure, nolan did not do well in crowds. less so since the riot. after spilling most of his first drink, he had made his way back to charlotte and played the gentleman by offering to get them drinks. he held both of them in his hand, though he was not yet ready to get back into the thick of it. spotting another wallflower, nolan scooted closer to her just in time to catch her remark. it made him chuckle. "giving yourself a pep talk?" he questioned, a gentle smile still lingering on their lips. "mind if i have one too?"

for: everyone. where: the sunset villa's beach party event. " this should be fun. " alyssa mumbled to herself and held the glass of her drink in her hands. taking a few quick sips from her drink. her eyes now began to scan around at the party. the music that was playing was so loud that it was blasting through her ears. the blonde was just standing here and waiting for a few more minutes before going around and mingling.

unwilling to admit that they might be transparent, nolan didn't try too hard to hide their new distaste for knox. they knew it wasn't his fault adrian was such a douche and really, the jealousy nolan felt from learning about his and serra's relationship (ongoing or not) was no one's problem but theirs. still, with the two being best friends, they saw him as guilty by association. and it showed in the flat "congratulations," he said to knox when he shared the good news. "i'm sure you worked hard for it." // @thalassophilez

“i’m glad y’all are around,” nolan tells adrian in regards to him and his brother also staying in palmview. if you asked them, nolan wouldn’t be able to say if it was sincere. maybe it was and it wasn’t. i can be complex, he thinks to himself.

on one hand, it was nice to have an old friend nearby. someone to be himself with. someone who was good at looking away from the ugly side of things. nolan didn’t want to think about los angeles, but it was getting hard to suppress the violent flashbacks of his last day there…

on the other hand, they aren’t the biggest fan of adrian. in fact, on a good day and if he wasn’t in sight, nolan would not call adrian a friend. but their mothers are friends, plus adrian’s known to make generous donations to the fundraisers nolan takes part in organizing, so keeping up appearances with the shephards has its importance.

getting the last of his things, nolan is finally ready. “okay, let’s get into some trouble,” he says with a smile, tossing a nip of adrian’s choice of spirit to him, then he twists the cap to his open. nolan holds up the mini alcohol bottle, taking a moment to think of what to toast to. “to boy’s night,” he says once he realizes he won’t be able to come up with anything better. // @adrivns

"d'y'know what i mean?" nolan asked, peering at thea as he held up the two different colored polos. “i don’t think it’s the colors. i’m just more of a t-shirt or button-up guy.” why have a hybrid of each one of the two’s worst parts? maybe it was a sensory thing, but nolan hated the thick knitted fabric of them compared to the softness of a dress shirt. // @theaxward