I Hate How Obsessive I Get. It Isn’t Normal, It Isn’t Healthy. And It Does Me More Harm Than Good.

I don't want life to end. I want my disorder to end. But it never will.

how does one get over a summer love?

Can’t feel anger without physically punching walls or holding in the intrusive violent urges so much that it makes my arms physically burn and hurt

Can’t look at someone who’s even moderately attractive without desperately falling in love and imagine a whole life together

Can’t feel “happy” or moderately excited without feeling like my chest is about to burst and the only way to get it out is to literally vibrate and yell

Can’t feel sad without spiralling immediately into just wanting to stop existing

Can’t feel nervous without teeth chattering chest burning about to throw up

Or just don’t feel anything at all when (apparently) I am supposed to

bpd culture is wishing you could feel emotions normally

.

Idk if thats a bpd or a me thing

What can I do with this want.

Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath — 3rd January 1959

life with bpd is always trying to fill a huge hole in your chest. you spend your life looking for a cure that doesn't really exist

Feeling evil (just wanna be loved by someone that only has eyes for me)

Im so delulu. I’m stuck feeling like I’m living in a dream of some kind. Like I’m just a stumbling energy of some kind clunking around and into things at times. I literally forget people can see me sometimes.

And other times I feel like a young god.

Idk normalize wanting nothing to do with your fp and hating them and then wanting them to stay