Spent

Sunset

I take off the hatred, take off the love

Until I am empty, breathless and numb

And I lay beside you, under the stars

We're kids again, ignorant of the wars

Yet your hand, I can no more hold

You used to radiate warmth, now it's cold

And I expect you to recount my mistakes, where I went wrong

But all I could hear is a familiar melody, you're humming our song

So I reach out and laces our fingers, this is not the end

We're just two kids with broken hearts, we could start again.

Lies

I was watching the moon up in the sky

As I sat up and sigh

I told the stars I'm letting you go

That it hurts, but I have to grow

I hope the whispered message reaches you

I forgive you and I'll learn to forgive myself too

Though I know I'll miss you forever

I accepted that things end, connections sever

And I wish, I wish someday when we meet

I can smile and say I'm happy without lying through my teeth.

I want to write everything that doesn't make sense

About you, the moonlight, the fence

But even if I did manage to put them into words

It won't be different, still the same repetitive chords.

sorry

My words might be beautiful, but they are empty

Devoid of soul, devoid of feelings, a low hanging fantasy

I use it as traps, trying to catch strangers' hearts

Trying to cram those pieces into my chest, hoping mine would start

My hands are so red, I have crossed too many lines

Does my guilt absolves me? Do I still have the right to call this pain mine?

As my self-made ghosts roam around this false cemetery,

As my body sinks with the weight of the burden I chose to carry,

Can I still forgive myself before this imaginary coffin turns real?

For all the wounds I've inflicted, for all the wounds I never learned to heal.

Cursed

I'd close my eyes and I'll still see you

Behind my eyelids, in the places only we knew

I want to run to you, but I am frozen

How you could not see that I am broken?

And I know, I know you still love me

But you long to set yourself free

And though I wish to be your answer

You'd always be the fire I doused with water

And our fingers might touch, but our hands will never fit

We're fated to be strangers, walking in different sides of street.

I still love you

Maybe it's time to burn those unsent letters

Let my past go through smoke and embers

And the walls you breached should be once again fortified

Regain my dignity, my freedom, my pride

Though I love you and you'll always have a piece of my heart

It is time that I move on, move forward, and restart.

-D.G. Gir// 03/26/2018

Farewell

The moon-

That was the last thing I remember

We were staring at it

Like it was the most beautiful thing ever

Then a hug

For that was the last time we'll see each other

I wish I have stayed

On that warm night of November.

My pieces are scattered all over the place

Lost my mask, lost my face

Yet my heart remembers how it beats for you

The past, the future we drew

The corners are filled with your ghost

I kept what I only hoped to lost.

I want someone to look me in the eyes

To see pass through the lies

You did, you once knew

But you walked away, can't handle the truth

That I'm a monster, a bringer of pain

Something which uses people for my own gain

And I admit I have demons but I don't want to destroy

I might not be like you but I also crave joy

I only want some company, a friend

Someone to hold my hand 'till these storms end

But I guess you only want the one I pretended to be

The normal one with simple personality

You don't want the edges, the imperfections, the flaws

That I'm in pieces, what's real and raw

You never wanted who I really am

I can't blame you, even I can't accept my own name.

-D.G. Gir// 03/31/2018