Stupid

Thoughts

Life is so boring rn and my poems are not slaying so I might start writing fanfiction.

here and now

Here and now I stand still.

Wind bends around my cheeks.

The earth is still yet somehow I move at a million miles an hour.

(yet my feet never leave the place they are rooted )

Life is frozen in time, yet everyone I know is fifteen years into the future.

My life is groundhog’s day, except that i can't get out. 

Trust me, I've tried.

Air doesn't fill my lungs the same way anymore.

Have I overstayed my welcome?

Where do I belong?

Who do I have?

I have nobody.

I trust nobody, yet I love so many.

I think that there are people who say they love me out of pity.

I miss having someone I could call and spill my tainted blood to.

All the lies I've told.

All of the thoughts that have fought their way from the pits of my stomach to my lips.

Poisoned by my own voice

Betrayed by my own truth.

A cycle of apology and transgression.

Here and now, I come to a close.

To create

I have been itching to create something,

to have my fingers covered in bright paint.

I just want to make something worth loving.

Bright colored art to make life seem less quaint,

dull tones to assure you, it will be alright.

Paintings big enough to cover a wall.

Five sculptures, all worth being basked in light.

Too much art to fill just a single hall

I want to cover canvas with dark ink.

To make something that evokes emotion

With shadows and highlights that make you think.

Maybe it will be a dark, vast ocean.

All I can say is that until I do, 

I must settle and cherish the sky’s blue

I can almost hear her say that

her loud ass is always screaming 🙄🙄

WARNING!

Sorry

Sorry.

I don’t mean to bother you.

I really don't.

I don’t mean to take up this much space. 

I’m trying to be better. 

I swear. 

Sorry. 

You say I apologize too much. 

I wish I could apologize for that.

I just have become so close with guilt.

He sits on my shoulder every afternoon when I get home.

He whispers in my ear.

“You should be sorry”

He’s right, you know. 

Because Guilt sometimes lets me call him by another name. 

A nickname if you will. 

(we are that close)

He tells me to call him Truth. 

He’s right here if you want me to talk to him. 

Sorry.

Mist

Fog rolls out of my heart

I know it is making you cold 

you shouldn’t stay

I have made you hard

I have made you cold

You shouldn't have to suffer because i do 

You don't deserve it

The mist that spills from my nose and mouth is poison

It probably will kill you

Don’t try to stay

I won’t be able to live if you go first

Is that wrong to think about?

I guess i’m guilty of that as well

Its my fault

I should have known

I should have known

I should have

Today I woke up