Just Getting Back Into Malevolent And Every Time I Think Arthur Will Learn From His Mistakes, He Gets

I keep using my girlfriend with unusual work hours to get out of coworker interactions and happy hours and hanging out.

But now the company holiday party is upon us.

And I’ve been lying about the girlfriend.

I suddenly really empathise with the characters in Hallmark Christmas movies.

Welcome To Night Vale & Desert Bluffs

Okay hear me out...

What if there is a Karen that works at a shop lets say Walmart or a shop like that and is slowly working her way up the lader to manager until she becomes manager and is up face to face with another Karen...

What would happen?

I recently found out why my mom would never sleep around me when I was a kid. Like she’d never let herself take naps or sleep if I was awake, ever. Or if she did, she would lock her bedroom door. So when I was 6, I was asleep in my bed in the middle of the night when I hear a loud bang, like a pot being dropped and come out to the living room to see my mom standing by the window, with just a huge pile of spaghetti all over the sill, and a pot on the ground, and I ’m like “Are you gonna eat all that?” And ya’ll she get’s BIG MAD and yells at me and chases me to my room but then a little while later a bunch of cops show up and ask me a bunch of random ass questions about my art? Like this one cop lady keeps asking me to draw dragons for her?! And they seem mad as hell

I didn’t want to get arrested so I just never asked my mom for spaghettis after that. Lesson, learned. Don’t ask mom for spaghettis or she’ll call the damn police on you. 

So I have this memory in my head, and it goes unquestioned until I say it outload for the first time a few months back and as soon as I say the words “When I was six, my mom called the cops on me for asking for spaghettis” My adult logic slams into place and is like “Hang on. Your mother definatly did not call the police on a 6 year old for asking for spaghetti.” 

So obviously that’s not what really went down. I call up my mom to tell her how I remember it and on top of her figuring out why her kid has always been really cagey around spaghettis for the last 3 decades she tells me what really happened. 

So on that night, a man tried to break into our house through the front window. It was just my mom, and her kids so she did what she felt she had too and shot him in the head. He’d been wearing a helmet, which landed on the floor under the window.

Now I just want ya’ll to put yourselves in my moms shoes for a minute here. This woman has just taken a human life. The trauma of that- the instant agony, the panic, the guilt, the fear- all of it hitting her at once, her only solace the knowledge that her children are safe. She protected her daughters. No matter the cost to her soul- her children are safe.

Then she looks up and sees her six year old staring at the inside of this mans head before saying “Are you gonna eat all that?” 

Is this obscure? Yes. Do I love it? Also yes :)

you can pry alt Jon from my cold dead hands. along with tiny Jon and long-haired Jon.

Intern Cecil!!!!

Caption go brrrrrrrr

Ranboo: No

Tubbo :(

Ranboo *pulls out ring*: Best friends ‘forever’

Tubbo :D

The implication that Ranboo proposed to Tubbo is so funny because Tubbo would absolutely be totally oblivious

Ranboo: Hey Tubbo, yknow, I like you a lot...I think you’re a really good friend.

Tubbo: I think you’re a pretty good friend too, Ranboo!

Ranboo: But I was wondering if maybe you would want to be...a bit more than...just friends?

Tubbo: g a s p

Tubbo: Best friends?!