Deep Thoughts - Blog Posts

“Why do you keep looking for the comfort you’ll never receive?”

“It’s the hope that I ever will find it that keeps me going, even if I already know the answer.”

real asf i’m so tired of ts

Friends? Again? Nah.

And If I could go back to the day we met, I’m sorry, but I would turn around and walk the other way.

False Guilt

It’s easier to think,

That you are a monster born broken,

Rather than a human made flawed.

We are so busy telling everyone that they are beautiful, that we forgot it didn't matter if they weren't.

I love space. It's just a giant void with nothingness. There are probably trillions of universes. Imagine it, though. There is totally life out there. But then again, what is space? I'm not too much into religion, so I like to keep it factual. (Aka science), but it's so crazy. I feel like we don't think about it that often, but we are on literally a giant floating rock in a void of darkness. Where did it come from? And is there an end to it? Or are all our planets and universe connected to space? I just wanna go up there and see where we came from.

Sexual Objectification of Male Characters and How it Impacts Women

Alright, this is something that has been on my mind for a while and I finally have the balls to write it down and make sure everyone can see it. This post is biased, and extremely emotional, as I am writing about my personal feelings on this subject. If there is any lack of clarification or incorrect use of a word/description, I will do my best to correct it.

Warning: Sexual abuse/assault/violence is mentioned.

So. I am a long time lurker on popular fan sites and platforms. So I have seen many of the nitty gritty, the truly toxic and beautiful, and utter sadism that people are capable of creating when it comes to characters we take a liking to. But the more recent stuff has really gotten under my skin, and I wanted to talk about it.

This has to do with two characters that have become extremely popular this year. Miguel O’Hara from Across the Spider-verse and Simon “Ghost” Riley from Call of Duty. I’ve seen depraved things happen when people like characters. I like these two for similar reasons. I find them attractive. Their stories are captivating. And the movie and game they take place in are some of my favorites. But the things I have seen being written about these two specifically make me very nauseous.

Both of these characters have become extremely popular on fan sites because of how sexually appealing they are. They are tall, muscular-built men with dark backstories and darker attitudes. And what infuriates me is the amount of sexual objectification is happening to them. Yes, they are fictional characters. Yes, they don’t exist. Therefore no harm is being done. Wrong.

I have been writing fan fiction for a long time, only a fraction of it actually posted publicly. And the thing about fan fiction that I take extreme pride in is the art of characterization. You are creating a story about a character that is not yours. They already existed, have their own lore and role within their story. So when one is writing fan fiction, I think its incredibly important to pay attention to the specific lore of the character. This helps you build on who they are and flesh them out as people. How would they react in this situation? What foods/drink do they like? What face would they make if you said this? What would they do if this specific thing happened to them? These are important questions you should know the answer to when writing your own material for any given character.

Yes, AUs exist for this reason, so that subversion of a character can take place to satisfy those that fantasize about a character that canonically would not play into their interests. That still still does not excuse some of the utter disrespect I have seen.

For the two specific characters above, I will summarize their VERY similar backstories. Both were heavily abused in their childhoods (by their fathers). Both have taken on an “anti-hero” role with a grisly attitude to accomplish good things, aka protecting the public/people they care about. Ghost was sexually assaulted, tortured, buried alive, and witnessed a close friend/colleague try to assault someone. Miguel was used and abused by his own company, leading to his abilities and hatred of his role as Spider-Man 2099. Horrible atrocities were committed to these men. And yet, I have seen nonstop fan fictions portraying these men as violent, perverted, sex-driven monsters for the satisfaction of readers. I think this is an affront to the very idea of fan fiction and an insult to these characters.

So with that said, I think it is absolutely disgusting how people have been writing the two characters above. And that is only the start of the problem. The over sexualization of male characters in media. For a long time, its was always female characters. People have spoken about the over-sexualization of women in media for years. And now with the internet at its height, male sexualization has also become extremely prominent, and yet I don’t see people raising enough concern about. Women have tried so hard to push back on male-centered media in order to protect themselves, with advertisements, games, movies, and entertainment media with female characters. The cliché roles of damsel-in-distress or female-warrior-love-interest to male main characters are still extremely prevalent.

And yet, it horrifies me that many women (and people in general) are now taking a lead in the sexualization of male characters in the near exact same way that men do. Only difference forms. Men sexualization through art: games, movies, p*rn, etc. Women do it through our own art, and especially writing. Now, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with writing smut and p*rn. The horror lies in the characters being portrayed and the acts they are committing. Between these two characters, I have seen more violent smut fan fiction than I have seen actual love for the characters themselves. I have lurked through the fandoms centered around these two characters since they first started gaining popularity, and it disgusts me how many writers portray them.

This isn’t even the main issue. The biggest issue has to be how this is still pushing toxic male fantasy. R*pe. Sexual violence. Sexual abuse. Verbal abuse. Mental and emotional abuse. Non-consensual acts. The romanticization of sexual violence and depravity. The amount of viral videos I have seen of men openly displaying their belief that women enjoy stalking, sexual harassment/assault, and sexual abuse, and all because there is media of it being portrayed that way. P*rn has portrayed women as sexual objects for men for years, giving men the idea that any and every woman in the world would enjoy being a victim of these acts. And now, writers are doing the same thing here. They are portraying women/people being abused by these characters, and enjoying every second of it. This is not healthy. It is sickening. (This also applies to everyone, not just those who do not identify as female. Anyone is capable of being a victim of abuse).

This is a horrible double standard that has been created by people: That sexual harassment is bad when committed by someone we are not attracted to, BUT okay when committed by someone we are attracted by. STOP. Right now. Sexual harassment/abuse is bad no matter who commits it. And flirting does not equal harassment. Flirting is an open, two-way communication between two consenting people. Harassment is the continuous disregard for someone’s personal space/preferences through sexual/verbal/physical actions that the victim does not reciprocate.

Let me clarify that I am not shaming anyone for their personal sexual preferences and kinks. BDSM is not abuse when it is between two consenting adults. Violence-play is not abuse between two consensual adults. But when the media about certain characters is specifically tailored to indicate that such acts are everyone’s fantasy, it is not okay. What pisses me off is that it is always fit to characters who would most likely never agree to such things. Continuously portraying toxic, manipulative, and abusive behaviors as romantic and normal is extremely unhealthy and can warp the way people view healthy relationships.

After researching the background of Miguel and Ghost, I am one thousand percent sure that these two characters are not/would never do what they are portrayed as in these writings. Both men experienced horrible abuse, and are shown to strive to be better than the ones who abused them. I, for one, believe they would be the exact opposite as they are portrayed sexually. They would not be violent verbally or physically. They would not be abusive in any capacity. There could/would be toxic and manipulative tendencies that come from growing up in an abusive and stressful environment. But when one goes through such things, they are the opposite of this when they acknowledge their wish to be better. Both characters would most likely fear committed relationships, out of the fear that they could turn into the people who hurt them and hurt the ones they love. The fear of losing everything they care about all over again (both lost their families in tragic ways). PTSD would shape the way they interact with people, especially significant others.

I can vouch for this characterization on a personal level. The beauty of writing characters is being able to take their lore and apply it to real human qualities and experiences. I often use my own in my writing. My personal experiences with abuse and harassment are what drive me to write this post and speak out on this surge of romanticized violence, as well as for these characters. People who have survived these experiences and who strive to better themselves often acknowledge that it was not these experiences that define them. It is who we choose to become afterwards, and how much we allow it to affect us. While Miguel and Ghost are people who will continue to be haunted by their pasts, they strive to be better in their own ways, even if not everyone agrees. And the over-sexualization and violent portrayal of their characters in many fictions completely contradicts their canonical characters.

I am not putting creators who have done this on blast. I just urge many of you writers/artists to think about what it is you are creating and who you are portraying. Is your content curated by your audience? Is it curated specifically for you? Or is it for the character you are writing about? Maybe its everything and more. I just want you to be aware of what you are writing and how it may affect others as well as the characterization of said character.

I feel as if I’ve only scratched the surface with vague explanations. So if anyone who sees this feels the same, and wants to add or feels like I missed something, please do. This needs to be talked about more.

I'm back

The Meaning I feel behind this statement just added so much more love to the show. I love it when characters feel stuck and procrastinate on life. It makes them feel human because that what being human is. We don't know it all and that life.

What's a message you want people to take away from TADC?

That there's meaning to be found in a stagnant life.

I love how we measure our lives in years because each year is a revolution around the sun and we’re physically in the same place each year but we’ve changed and aged and the world is different but we’re going in the same circle over and over again and by nature life is both cyclical and progressive

I have a question I need answering for fictional purposes.

If you find something (or someone) that's the last member of it's species and you kill it, would it be murder or genocide?

Something beautiful about the comfort of everyday. I think a real act of true love is welcoming someone into it.

Please see this. Feel free to copy some of these down.

The past hurts. You can either run from it, or learn from it.

He who fears that he will suffer, already suffers because he fears.

Why should I apologize for who I am? No one ever apologized for making me this way.

Find worth in yourself before finding it in others.

Why do we close our eyes when we cry, kiss, pray, or dream? Because the most beautiful things in life are not seen, but felt by the heart.

Do not speak badly of yourself, for the warrior within will hear those words and be lessened by them.

Your words cut deep, deeper than any blade.

It takes strength to fight, but it takes a man to cry when the battle is over.

A sword wields no strength unless the hands that hold it have courage.

The most painful thing isn't a cut or a broken bone, the most painful thing is having the people you make memories with slowly become memories.

A man doesn't cry because he is weak, he cried because he has been strong for far too long.

Win in silence. Remember, a lion does not roar after a kill.

Be strong, for when life gets you down, the weak say "why me" but the strong say "try me".

The difference between a master and a novice is the master has failed more times than the novice has tried.

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some appear to be wise until you hear them speak.

Be patient. Even the sun needs time to shine at it's brightest.

Stress doesn't solve the problems of tomorrow, it only takes away the peace of today away.

It matters not what you were born as, it matters what you grow to be.

You will not be punished for your anger, you'll only be punished by your anger.

It is not bad to hit rock bottom, because the only way left to go is up.

If a wise man does not like the life he has, he creates the life he wants.

Slow down, life is to be savored.

Life is not measured by how many breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.

The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you.

It's not the years in your life, it's the life in your years.

The saddest thing is not someone changing, it's remembering who they used to be.

Don't cry that you are getting old, feel glad that you are not old yet.

A girl breaking your heart is like her throwing a rock into the ocean, she never knows how deep it goes.

Loving someone is like giving that person a loaded gun aimed at your heart and trusting them not to pull the trigger.

Blood writes a better story than the darkest ink.

It's better to have regret than to never have tried at all.

No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.

If you can't fly, then run. If you can't run, then walk. If you can't walk, then crawl. But by all means, keep moving forward.

Your training isn't over when your body gives up, it's over when your mind gives up.

You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

Blood makes you related, but loyalty....that is what makes you family.

He who waits patiently receives the biggest prize.

You cannot save a life, you can only delay death.

Every warrior eventually comes to realize that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.

You never lose friends, you only learn who the real ones are.

I may have no honor, but you are a slave to it.

It's always "what's the dog doing", never "how's the dog doing".

Good memories are easy to identify because they are the one you remember so well.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it's called the present.

A world without pain is a world without love.

Don't cry because it ended, smile because it happened.

Love doesn't come from loving the perfect person, it comes by learning to love the imperfect person.

Love ends when the relationship ends, but true love lasts forever.

It is better to live a short life full of doing what you love, rather than a long life spent in a miserable way.

Life is hard but there is no easy way to escape your problems.

Don't cry because they are gone, be happy that they were here to make memories with.

Do you know that feeling when you are working on some new piece and you are having great time and flow and then you stop (for whatever reason) so you go back to drawing another day but you feel like every new line, stroke of brush is BAD and WRONG and suddenly you hate your work, you close the file and fall into depression and repression and everything. When some time pass (for example a month or in my case a year) you can look again on that piece and you say to yourself: oh, wow, it's still good and I like it and I really could finish it now. Then you open it and froze and think: oh no, I forgot what brushes I used, forgot the idea, my style changed and I am a different person with a different taste and I can't do it, what was I thinking and suddenly you hate it and myself and everything

circle of life

Fun facts about Fran Bow #2

(It's also about Little Misfortune)

Both Fran's and Misfortune's fate was decided before they were even born.

"Man this existential crisis is great" - Me, because the depth these thoughts are gonna give my fictional oc is crazy