Understanding - Blog Posts

The Meaning I feel behind this statement just added so much more love to the show. I love it when characters feel stuck and procrastinate on life. It makes them feel human because that what being human is. We don't know it all and that life.

What's a message you want people to take away from TADC?

That there's meaning to be found in a stagnant life.

When you grow up a certain way, you may know what the cat feels when it shies from your hand

You know, it always really annoys me when people immediately say something without any research and then: ''I don't respect it.'' Fortunately, I'm not like that, I do research and then I can determine whether I disagree with it or agree with it. You literally say: ''I don't understand you so I don't respect you either.'' Do you know how stupid that is? Unfortunately, many people or other beings are like that, and I hope you think and do research before you share your thoughts on something you know nothing about.

Therapeutic Rants

Ranting here because a) real therapy is expensive b) we need to stop treating friends as therapists, and c) if I keep this internalized, it might just eat me alive.

Being alone again.

Well, officially, it is over. After two long years of friendship, one year of a relationship, I've lost them. Dare to say that it was a peaceful ending as I continue to sharpen the blades they left and patch the oozing wounds. Dare to say it was hell for even trying to be with them.

I have a savior's complex; I know it well. You see, when I was a child, my parents weren't emotionally stable. I had to learn how to regulate grown adults behaviors to maintain the peace in my house. So, in relationships, I suppose I do/did the same. Keeping the peace only delayed, not prevented, the war.

At first, with my phone now silent, I thought I could ignore the feeling. It's so weird to constantly check for notifications and then remind yourself, "it's over". I suppose this is the right thing to do. To turn off my phone for a couple weeks and take a walk outside. But that would only delay and mask the feelings.

Why did I end that relationship?

Well, I could no longer simply ignore myself in it. When we first met, we connected by stories. They saw a talent that I had hidden away and encouraged me to write. I was finishing a brief story for my English class and decided to send them the draft for them to read. And that sparked our relationship.

They would always ask if I had a new idea ready or if I ever finished my thousands of 'work in process' pieces. Every time I had a story done, I would send it and they would read it almost instantly. Over the time, they told me how much I've improved and I slowly gained myself back. I felt real once again.

We would analyze our favorite parts and character scenes. It was so much fun to connect with someone without weird glances and judgmental comments like in previous relationships. I could be weird with someone!

Fun until one moment.

I was scrolling, as one does, when I came across a drawing of a old ship and accidently fell in love with their story again. So much so, that I had to write my thoughts on them and draft an idea. I was so excited to share and tell the other about all the details I've researched: their connection, they people believed they were together in game, why they made sense, and then filled them to prepare them with my idea, a brief 1,000 word or so story.

So, armed with fan arts and my story, I sent them first some fan arts for the characters and then the draft, excited to see what they would analyze. I already had my favorite parts outlined on my printed out version. I made a little board for the pictures, too.

And then, there was a sudden change in tune. The "shoe dropping" moment.

At first, they claimed that they were busy or had other projects to get done. They have mediocre responses to the fan arts (like saying, "oh, cool" vs "omgg, they are so adorable! Who are they?) They never claimed those excuses before but hey! Different days, different times. It's fine.

But then their true nature reveal itself.

The sudden issue was the fact that the story had two male characters in a relationship. None of my previous ideas/stories had a relationship like that. I was simply expanding on my horizons and trying new things. Mind you, there was no details in the story unlike the stories I could find on A03 (yall are crazy). Heck, I don't even think they kissed! They cuddled or something. But with the fan arts, that was enough for them to pause and stare at me.

But because of their family issues and upbringing, they couldn't bring themselves to read it. At first, I didn't see it as homophobic, I saw it as preferences. Everyone has them! But over time, I realized it wasn't a preference.

I deleted that idea out of "respect" for the other and only sent them stories I knew that they would like, the ones that we've analyzed and talked about before. But there was a change, too, every time I sent a story. It was like they were looking for a gay scene after I reassured them that I didn't include it. Granted, I also began writing those relationships on the side because I just like two characters falling in love with each other. Forgive me.

But that only boiled and boiled until one day that I couldn't take it anymore. No longer did they read my stories with the same joy that they once did. Rejection is a feeling I've felt since a kid. No one likes the weird. It got to a point that I felt I was hiding myself in order to keep a relationship going. Sacrifices are made together not separate.

After first talking about it to them, they assured me that they would try again. They were sorry and explained their family situation which, again, is fine. But we live in a world in which gay people exist. So, simply ignoring or treating them differently doesn't make sense.

So, I sent them one of my other stories to try again out of good faith. And I waited. And waited. Reminded them. And waited.

Until we broke down again. They said that I would hate them if they revealed something. I told them that I wouldn't. They, at first, said they tried. But only reading five pages of a thirty page story in one hour? Really? I know I have my moments, but over an entire month, you couldn't have read more? The opening scenes were just the world they lived it! lmao. I tried to understand why they would say one thing and do the other. I really liked our conversations, but I couldn't ignore that anymore.

So, I called it off.

Still, it hurts because you half way expected them to prove you wrong and half way expected them to prove you right. Regardless, you can't change someone's mind.

Hopefully someone can relate to this. This is fun, you should try this, too.

Best.

Life Update: Balances & Sister-in-Law

Dear dearest friends,

I would like to extend my deepest gratitude to the people who helped me this past month, about my situation. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.❤️❤️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

A lot of you may not know me, but I really appreciate the sweet messages and encouragement that I received. And to some I deeply apologize if I do not respond, to those who become kinda hostile to me towards the situation. Thank you for the reblogs/repost and tagging your friends in spreading my post. Thank you very much. And I am glad that I made friends with most of you as well. You are a life’s blessing 💝💝🙏🙏

I hope everyone is doing alright, despite the world facing the crisis because of Covid-19. Sadly, I am one of those who is greatly affected. Even got infected but I survived. A lost a stable job several months ago and my savings has been drained. I was a working student before in Japan(paying for my tuition & supporting my family), went back home to my homecountry. Because life has been sad to me upon my stay there. Got a job, but the company decided to do retrenchment several months ago, and I was one of the unfortunate employees.

It’s been a month since I posted my letter: Reaching out to you  And like 2 weeks since my second letter: Notice of Eviction & Rescue Thank you for those who helped me. And for the people who is new to this new Letter of mine, please if you have the time. I hope you understand. I know some of you followed me, and as promised I will give update. I have been semi-active in tumblr for these past 2 weeks. Because luckily I was able to get a part-time job but it is only for 2 weeks, until 1st week of March. I worked like 16 hours a day, it is an underpaid job $15. If I work like 8 hours I get a pay of like $7-8/day. In my country you are not paid by hour but by day. Most of the employers though because of cost cutting is not following the standard guidelines of pay stated by our government. And no insurances/benefits. It is better than no job at all, it helps me sustain our daily needs - human & cat food.  I currently live alone. With a dog and many adopted stray cats. Can’t live them dying in the streets. And they are my Furry family. They help me cope with my depression and all.🐱🐶

With the help of everyone’s donation a month has passed I was able to pay for my August 2020 rent. And upon receiving the Notice of Eviction Last Month, I was able to pay the balance from September 2020 to February of this year. Below is the Acknowledgement of Rental Payment, and notarized by the owner.

(Some information is blurred out for privacy, thank you for understanding).

Another update regarding my Electricity Bill I got a new one like 2 weeks ago stating my latest balance. My deepest gratitude for those who donated last time as I was able to pay a partial amount of $250. This is the new latest balance that I need to settle. Sadly, despite the partial payment. I do not have electricity at home now for 3 days now. My kind neighbor lets me connect to their line temporarily. I needed to settle a balance of $1,150(depending on the exchange rate) 😿😿

For the Water Bill, I was able to settle a partial balance of $175 and signed a promisory note. But also needs to be settled soon. As of the moment the amount that needs to be settled is $680(depending on the exchange rate).

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As for my cat Blackie, he is back under my care now and his legs are healed. Thank goodness.🙏🙏 his previous photo(injured photo), is on my first Letter.

I also have a new adopted Cat, and brought him/her home. Still a kitten I will upload the photo on my KoFi. I also uploaded a family of black stray cats that I usually feed at night.

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I am also continuing my every 2 weeks session for my counseling & therapy. I also have to had a major haircut, due to hairloss caused by my extreme pulling - Trichotillomania & stress. I already have a bald spots so it needs to be cut. Goodbye Long Hair - I am loosing my self-confidence. I will just upload the photos on my KoFi. I am also continuing my job applications nonstop, I got interviews but nobody is still calling back to me.

As for my Sister-in-Law & nieces they will be staying with me starting next week. For 2 weeks, I guess. The young ones are still devastated of the situation. I know I have an emotional, mental issues. But I will try my best to help and support them as much as I can.🙏🙏🙏🙏 I am still also paying for the Bank Loan. And they are calling me for updates, I missed a lot of payments for 3 months now. I will try my best to settle it. I still have a long way to go. I hope to get a permanent job soon. $15,000 is killing me. It is still big.🙏🙏🙏🙏 and the person responsible for her accident is already in Jail.

I am still trying to hold-on and be strong to everything. So please….I hope everyone understands my simple plea. No negativities please. And for my long-time friends here in tumblr and who I consider now like my own brothers and sisters, thank you for staying with me. I love you all so much. I deeply ask of you for your patience, understanding and please help me by boosting/reblogging/reposting or donating. I thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart. God Bless you all.

  FOR DONATION PLEASE CLICK 👉👉HERE👈👈 you can also follow me on Ko-FI and Twitter  ————————————————————

For the people on my tags list please let me know if you wish to be removed by sending me a DM. I aplogize in advance. Thank you so much. 🙇‍♀️🙇🙇‍♀️🙇 hugs to you. Please share and reblog. And make this viral. If I double tagged you here, please bear with me. Thank you for understanding. I do not respond quickly, please understand that I might possibly sleeping because of the medicine or extremely exhausted. Thank you. @margaretheavesasigh @kurisutythehero @sharinalein @measurelessdreamer @lemondrop313 @thenotoriousscuttlecliff @calamitysong @6y9brows @timotaychalamet @bebemoon @prinnay @bryd-one-brere @nol-nol @call-of-the-ocean @emelinelove @cosmiccangst @impossiblebeararcade @spacesourcx @hermytheskrub @feelikeimglued @whatamidoingwithmylifeman @hauntedcloudtheorist @danathebestintern @miceoutline43 @underprivilegedcactus @kuinshi @mattygra @lemonadeswift @grantschangelives @sassytravelerstudent @monada43 @lethxl0ve @starstruckeaglepastagoop @motherofallfuckingbombs @psycotheorygirl @grrlboss-azula @that-aro-asshat @lizluvscupcakes @baronmenor @roller-rink-haruno @smoarchok @moondeliight @starkcontrasts @theminiestofmins @animelover7234 @sharingjoys @notyouraveragegirl1 @jbb305​ @professor-meh​ 

lt's so easy to forget that behind every bad person

stand a child who wasn't understood

on time....

If we could understand what the person in front of us went through....If we were able to find out what made him the person he is now....than everything would be different....than every word, action and behavior of the other person would make sense....if only..... 😔

From a teen to the adults (And others)

Forcing people do do things is wrong. It doesn't matter the person or the cercumstances. Its wrong. My own parents somehow don't understand that. People have their triggers, their dislikes, certain things that bother us more than the person standing beside us. Some people aren't afraid to jump head first, some are. Example, a couple years ago I went to this.... Swimming area? A natural pool where people would swim and hang out at. You would climb the slope up to a drop, where then, you would jump. When I got up though, it was muddy and slippery, I was going to do it even when I slipped. The people down below started trying to encourage me. Despite the good intentions, it didn't help. I got overwhelmed, I turned back around thoroughly embarrassed. My father getting onto me for it wasn't exactly helping either. The people had good intentione, I wasn't mad at them. Like my parents, they try and break me out of my shell all the time. Its the way those people do things though. Shoving people into it or getting hostile about their preferences and fears doesn't help. Be patient, see if they work themselves up to doing whatever it is. See if they ask you for help. If they do, be easy and understanding about it. Remember, people have borders, pushing those until they break or build higher is not the things you want to do. This isn't just to parents, but also to my age group. For anyone and everyone. Its an important piece of knowledge for life, for friends, siblings, communitys, even strangers. Don't try and pull them out of it. Reassure them, let them know they aren't alone. Separated from others in their struggles. Hated for something they try and 'fix' even when people can't see it. That they aren't broken or shoved away because of it. At least that you won't treat them that way, even if others do. Now, this isn't just for people to recognize but for the people that read this and know that it's for them. That somebody knows and others will as well.

I hope enough people see this, for enough people to be affected by what I just shared.

Reblog this if you agree or want to help.

@panromanticturtle

@leafiles

Y'all can make Bee as hot as you want, the real reason I thirst for her is how she treated Loona at the party.

Now, THAT is what I call hawt.

I loved her outfit in Mastermind, she’s just so cool.