K so I don't think I need to defend the interpretation Ford is on the spectrum. People make jokes about him being autistic all the time. We all see it. What I want to do here is sort of connect together some character details and examine them through the lens of my own autistic experiences.
I wanna start with his hands. It's an observation I've seen from multiple people that Ford is insecure about his hands and often hides them behind his back or in his pockets. And yeah, he is obviously insecure about them. He even mentions his six fingers at times where they aren't really relevant to anything it just showcases the space this physical deviation of his takes up in his mind. And yes, it makes sense that he's insecure about them because he was bullied for them growing up. But I want to add to this observation.
Ford would have been bullied regardless.
The problem was never really his hands. When you're on the spectrum people around you can tell that you're weird. Uncanny. Something is different and feels wrong about you to NT people and especially kids. They will pick any shallow superficial thing they can find as an excuse to bully you and justify the sense of revulsion they feel around you but can't articulate. If Ford had been born with normal hands they just would have made fun of him for something else, it would have been his glasses or, or the movies he liked, or hell maybe some good old-fashioned antisemitism. Literally, any excuse they could find.
I know growing up I tried for years to change the things about me that I was made fun of for and it never made things any better. The bullying never stopped. "Fixing" things about myself didn't work because the thing that was actually "broken" was something fundamental to who I am. That realization as a kid was soul-crushing. That there was nothing I could do that would ever make be "normal" that would ever make people like me. I felt like an alien born on the wrong planet.
Ford continues to latch onto his hands as a sore spot because they're something simple and obvious he can point to as an excuse for why he's so outcast. He probably knows by this point that the hands aren't actually the problem. I'd argue this journal entry and his comment about "another failed social interaction" shows that he's aware the hands aren't actually the problem. But it is a lot easier to fixate on those than to dwell directly on that sinking feeling that at the core of you're being you are fundamentally weird, wrong, unlovable. Ford's a genius. If his polydactyly bothered him that much he could have removed the extra digits. The hands aren't the problem, they're a symbol of a more fundamental kind of pain.
On a side looking at it through this lens also makes the gloves Fiddleford gives him an extra sweet gift given what they represent. A kind of wholehearted acceptance of who Ford is and even a willingness to adapt to his unique needs just to show him love and affection. I think something that hurts me so much about their relationship is that Ford had someone who very clearly loved him as is and would have never wanted him to be someone or something else and Ford was too stubborn to fully appreciate that.
The same is true of Stanely by the by, he never had a problem with his brother being weird. Another relationship with someone who loved Ford as is but who Ford took for granted. He needs these kinds of relationships in his life. People who embrace and accept him for the weirdo he is. He needs them desperately, which gets me to my next point.
Ford's ego. So it's also a common observation that Ford has a massive ego. He's kind of an ass, to put it mildly. But I have had someone in conversation frame it like the pressure to prove themselves was just on Stanley and Ford just spent his whole life being hyped up and told he was hot shit. This isn't true, or at least isn't a flattening of his experiences.
Ford was praised for his genius. This is true. But his own father only gave a shit when said genius showed signs of netting material gains for the family. It only mattered cause Ford could be useful. Furthermore, this genius never netted him social acceptance from his peers growing up. He was still a bullied weirdo loser most of his childhood. Add that seeing Stnaley kicked out would have drilled into Ford's head that if he couldn't make something out of himself his family wouldn't want him either. Stan was an unspoken threat of what this family does to failures.
Gonna bring up my own personal experiences again. Having set the stage for how it feels growing up on the spectrum. For that feeling of alienness that you can't really explain. I loved to write and draw from a very young age. Moreover, as I got older I realized that when I drew, people were nice to me. The only time I got social acceptance was when people were admiring or praising me for my art. So I did it more and more, I devoted myself feverishly to my art. I loved it anyway and would have hyper-fixated on it regardless but the positive reinforcement turned art from something I loved to a need. I NEEDED to be an artist. I needed to be the best at my school. I needed all eyes on my work because it was the only way I could make friends. The only way I could prove that I had value. That I deserved a place in society.
I see that in Ford. I see his ego not as shallow narcissism but as an overwhelming need to prove his value as a person. To be loved and accepted and believing that no one will want him if he isn't brilliant. If he doesn't change the world. If he isn't useful. This is also why he couldn't bring himself to destroy his research even knowing it was the safest and most responsible option. Burning down everything he worked for would mean finally giving up on the fantasy of ever being accepted or valuable.
The sad thing is he's so single-mindedly fixated on this personal goal of proving his worth to the world that when people do come along that love him unconditionally he takes them for granted. These people are statistical anomalies in his life. Nice to have around, but not enough to fix the bigger problem. They aren't reflective of society at large. They aren't enough to prove that he personally is loveable. Just that on occasion he meets another weirdo, and for a while it's nice. Like a campfire in a barren tundra. But he has to keep moving, he can't stay. Warmer lands are ahead if he can just get to them if he can just keep moving.
This also is why Ford was so susceptible to Bill. Bill told Ford what he needed to hear. That he was destined for greatness. That, that fundamental wrongness he felt all his life was something incredible other people just couldn't see, not yet at least. Bill promised Ford exactly what he wanted, but not what he actually needed. Ford never needed the world at large to accept him. He just needed a few good people.
I also think his chemistry with Bill was connected to his autistic experiences as well. Bill is literally an alien. There's no pressure to mask around him. To try and "act normal". Ford can just be himself with Bill and not have to think about it. And sure, he could be himself around Fiddleford, but Fidds is still human. The anxieties of human social expectations are still present. Like when Fidds get him a gift for the holidays and Ford feels a bit guilty that it didn't even occur to him to do the same. He doesn't have to think about these social nuances with Bill.
That said I'm sure Bill isn't what his world would have considered neurotypical anyway. Not that Ford would know that. But Bill was also a strange freak in his own society. Just as outcast, possibly more so. I think Bill sees a bit of his own experiences reflected in Ford. I think he relates to him on a level. Not that he would ever admit it outright due to his own ego. I think Bill's fixation on him after the breakup also stems from Ford rejecting the path that Bill chose for himself. Bill still lives with some sort of deeply repressed guilt for what he did. Imagine how validating it would have been to see someone else like him burn their own world to the ground for the same reasons Bill did. But no, Ford's a better man than him, and Bill can't stand it.
Ok, I don't know how to end this long-ass monologue so I'm gonna call it here I guess. I just sort of wanted to spill some thoughts of mine about Ford as a character. If anyone else wants to add to this with other examinations of Ford's character through this lens go right ahead. I'm just saying as an autistic person myself I understand every choice Ford made. I could relate to why he did the things he did even if I know those were mistakes and even acknowledging that he's kind of an asshole. Ford is a strange man who makes an eerie amount of sense to me.
descriptive transcript:
Haben, a Black woman in her thirties with long dark hair, speaks to the camera, a vibrant blue wall behind her.
Haben: If you're a creator, add transcripts to your videos. I can't see videos, I can't hear videos, but I can read transcripts.
Pins on a Braillenote Touch pop up and down in their Braille cells. Each cell has eight pins that are either positioned up or down depending on the specific Braille letter.
Haben: Braille displays connect to phones and laptops, allowing Braille readers to access the internet this way. Descriptive transcripts should have both the visuals of what's happening on screen and speech and key sounds for the video. Really good descriptive transcripts captivate readers just like the best novels.
The Braille display disappears and the video shows Haben in the same room.
Haben: Once we have widespread accessibility, it'll be easier for deafblind people to share our stories and also participate in conversations. I love learning from lives different from mine and in order for me to do that, I need transcripts. I look forward to reading all your transcripts!
end transcript.
sharing for people who aren't aware this is a thing & can put it into practice, video transcript copied from haben's instagram (please let me know if the format needs to be adjusted in some way 👍🏻)
I ran out of slots, but Blood Moon, Solar Flare, and Monty count, too.
Have fun!
Helluva Love Affair
Playlist that kept me inspired.
Head canons regarding the comic under the cut
I imagine Fizz had very little privacy during his time with Mammon. I imagine him sharing a dorm room with several other clowns, because Mammon is cheap. That's why he is excited about having his own room.
I think Fizz also is not used to being touched with consent. Fans grabbing him, Mammon's staff touching without asking. Just a lot of unwanted hands on him.
Despite being very famous and looking like Fizz had it all, I think Mammon took majority of his earnings and he had very little to use for himself. And that he was in severe debt to Mammon over the prosthetics.
Because Ozzie refers to Fizz as business partner, I imagine Fizz has much bigger role in Ozzie's company just than an MC. I think he is actually the manager of Ozzie's, handling events, special nights, performers etc. He knows how to put up a party!
The "Valentine's Day Gang Bang Night" outfit was definitely just for Ozzie. Fizz got tired of waiting and wanted to well and truly seduce Ozzie.
"How...how could you?"
"I swear, it's not what it looks like!"
"Don't give me that!! I know what's going on here!"
"But... I-"
"You SAID we could watch the season finale of Yu-Gi-Oh 5ds together!!"
being gay is not a sin. being lesbian is not a sin. being bisexual is not a sin. being pansexual is not a sin. being transgender is not a sin. being non binary is not a sin. being genderfluid is not a sin. being aromantic is not a sin. being asexual is not a sin. being queer is not a sin. I can't speak for all religions but I can and WILL speak for Christianity. Fuck anyone who tries to force their personal bigotry onto you. Fuck anyone who tries to make their interpretation of religion the law.
Do you have any good words to use instead of exclaim?
Thank you, I love this blog so much!
So glad to hear this. Thank you! <3 I love making these writing references as well.
Exclaim - to cry out, speak, or utter in a strong or sudden burst of emotion
Assert - to state or declare positively and often forcefully or aggressively
Aver - to allege or assert in pleading
Babble - to talk enthusiastically or excessively
Bellow - to make the loud deep hollow sound
Bewail - to express deep sorrow for usually by wailing and lamentation
Blabber - to talk foolishly or excessively
Blat - to declare positively; to utter loudly or foolishly
Blunder - to utter stupidly, confusedly, or thoughtlessly
Blurt (out) - to utter abruptly and impulsively
Bray - to utter or play loudly or harshly
Burst out - to say (something) suddenly
Caterwaul - to make a harsh cry
Chirp - to utter (something) with a cheerful liveliness; to make sharply critical, complaining, or taunting remarks
Clamor - to utter or proclaim insistently and noisily
Crow - to utter a sound expressive of pleasure
Gab - to talk in a rapid or thoughtless manner
Gabble - to say with incoherent rapidity
Gush - to make an effusive display of affection or enthusiasm
Hoot - to shout or laugh usually derisively
Howl - to cry out loudly and without restraint under strong impulse (such as pain, grief, or amusement)
Inveigh - to protest or complain bitterly or vehemently
Orate - to speak in an elevated and often pompous manner
Perorate - to deliver a long or grandiloquent oration
Repine - to feel or express dejection or discontent
Roar - to utter or emit a full loud prolonged sound
Screech - a high shrill piercing cry usually expressing pain or terror
Shout - to utter a sudden loud cry
Shriek - to utter a sharp shrill sound
Shrill - to utter or emit an acute piercing sound
Snarl - to give vent to anger in surly language
Spout - to speak or utter readily, volubly, and at length
Squall - to utter in a strident voice
Squawk - to utter a harsh abrupt scream
Squeal - to cause to make a loud shrill noise
Vociferate - to utter or cry out loudly
Wail - to express a prolonged cry or sound expressing grief or pain; loud lamentation
Whine - to utter a high-pitched plaintive or distressed cry
Yammer - to utter repeated cries of distress or sorrow; to utter persistent complaints; to talk persistently or volubly and often loudly
Yawp - (or yaup) to make a raucous noise
Yowl - to utter a loud long cry of grief, pain, or distress
Hope this helps. If it inspires your writing in any way, please tag me, or leave a link in the replies. I would love to read your work!
More: Word Lists
"Don't worry, guys, I have an ace up my sleeve!!"
"...Well?"
"It's me."
"..."
"I am the ace up my sleeve."
"..."
"..." : D
"We're screwed."
Happy pride month yall
Instead of openly sharing their emotions with others, they keep their feelings locked inside, letting their inner thoughts do all the talking. You get a glimpse into their mind, where a storm of conflicts, doubts, and desires brews quietly beneath a calm exterior. This internal monologue allows readers to understand what’s going on inside their head, even if they don’t show it on the outside. It’s like seeing the world through their eyes, where every little thing stirs up a wave of emotions that they never express out loud.
For these characters, actions speak louder than words, but even their actions are restrained. They communicate their emotions through the smallest of gestures—a slight tightening of the jaw when they’re angry or hurt, a brief flicker in their eyes when they’re surprised, or a controlled change in posture when something makes them uncomfortable. These tiny, almost imperceptible movements can say so much more than an outburst ever could, hinting at feelings they would never openly share. It’s about what they don’t do as much as what they do.
When they do speak, every word is carefully chosen. Emotionally reserved characters don’t ramble or spill their feelings in a flood of words. Instead, they speak in a measured and controlled manner, always keeping their emotions in check. Their sentences are concise, sometimes even vague or indirect, leaving others guessing about what they’re really thinking. It’s not that they don’t feel deeply, they just prefer to keep those feelings close to the chest, hidden behind a mask of calm and composure.
For these characters, what they do is often more telling than what they say. They might not say “I care about you” outright, but you’ll see it in the way they go out of their way to help, the quiet ways they show up for the people they love. Their actions reveal their emotions—whether it’s a protective gesture, a silent sacrifice, or a kind deed done without expectation of recognition. It’s these unspoken acts of kindness that show their true feelings, even if they never say them out loud.
They often have strong personal boundaries. They keep their private lives just that - private. They don’t open up easily and are cautious about who they let into their inner circle. They might deflect conversations away from themselves or avoid sharing personal details altogether. It’s not that they don’t want to connect, it’s just that they find it hard to lower their walls and let others in, fearing vulnerability or judgment.
When they do show vulnerability, it’s in small, controlled doses. These characters may have moments where they let their guard down, but only in private or with someone they deeply trust.
Sometimes, emotionally reserved characters express their feelings through objects that hold special significance to them. Maybe it’s a worn-out book they keep close, a piece of jewelry they never take off, or an old letter tucked away in a drawer. These symbolic objects are like anchors, holding memories and emotions they can’t express in words. They serve as tangible reminders of their inner world, representing feelings they keep buried deep inside.
When these characters communicate, there’s often more to their words than meets the eye. They speak in subtext, using irony, implication, or ambiguity to convey what they really mean without saying it outright. Their conversations are filled with hidden meanings and unspoken truths, creating layers of depth in their interactions with others. You have to read between the lines to understand what they’re really saying because what they leave unsaid is just as important as what they do say.
Despite their calm demeanor, there are certain things that can break through their emotional reserve. Specific triggers - like a painful memory, a deep-seated fear, or a personal loss - can elicit a strong emotional response, revealing the depth of their feelings. These moments of intensity are rare but powerful, showing that even the most reserved characters have a breaking point.
Over time, emotionally reserved characters can evolve, gradually revealing more about themselves as they grow and change. Maybe they start to trust more, opening up to those around them, or perhaps they experience something that challenges their emotional barriers, forcing them to confront their feelings head-on.
A fandom nerd who dabbles in a bit of every art form. Writing and drawing especially.
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