I Hate How I Have No Brainpower In The Evenings, The Worst Thing Is That I Have No Self Discipline Aswell.

Gonna fast till Thursday noon. Right now it's only almost at hour 10, but gotta push thru it.

When my mom said, it can't be that tiring it's everyday life, that cut deep.

I want to die. My life isn't even that bad right now, days go by fine. But being in my body and mind is like the ultimate prison sentence, I want out. I wish to carve all my organs out and then my brain and lay it on a cold surface.

I want to own someone.

I want them to devote their entire life to me, to get excited whenever I come around and to beg me for even the slightest attention. I want them to live their life pleasing me, worshipping me and immediately bending backwards at my word.

Is that too much to ask?

It's so weird feeling that you have a lot of love to give, but feeling as if you have no one to give that specific love to. Yes I have loved ones that that love me, that I keep living for really. But it's no the same.

And at the same time my mind just yearns to have someone to obsess over.

Starting to cry as soon you stop into your home or room for no reason <<<<

It's Friday night and I'm crying over things that will never change. I can't can't fucking cut myself since my dad is in the room next to me.

I just wish is wasn't myself. I wish I had a different mind, a different body, a different existence. That I didn't exist at all

Saw a girl with the tiniest waist and a butch gf at work today. Idk if I even like girls like that, but have never wanted to be someone so bad in a while.

Ngl him watching me from afar, keeping track of who I talk with, clenching his fists in jealousy, finding out as much information as he can abt me and yearning for so much more and finally ploting his way into my life would be so cute.

Multiple people mentioned that I've lost weight today hihi