bubblemintfairy

Latest Posts by bubblemintfairy

3rd day back at school/the dorm and I already binged

I am such an overeater that sometimes when I go to the toilet at night I half consciously grab a slice of bread from the kitchen.

Today when I came back from work I found a half eaten slice of bread next to my pillow. I don't even remember taking it from the kitchen which makes me wonder how many times have I eaten during the night that I have no clue of.

I cant stop thinking about it.

I've just thought it even worse for myself. My dad has multiple of his teeth missing bcs his teeth got fucked up from uncorrect corrections in his teens and i can tell it bothers him. The way he holds his mouth has changed, he tries to hide his teeth when speaking and smiling. And it prevents him from socializing, he used to be so much more sociable when I was little.

And im not scared for the socialization part because I will become a self isolated loser anyways, but now I'm fearing my teeth falling out just like his because I couldn't take basic care of myself. It pains me.

Because of my constant eating during binges and times where i simply was overeating my tooth enamel is completely damaged. And that can nor will never be restored.

My dentist straight up told me I have damaged it already so from now on if I don't stick with very strict, regular meals my teeth will be easily and quickly rittled with holes. But if I haven't been able to do that so far, no matter what. So now I'll just have teeth full of holes, feel constant pain and spend god knows how much trying to keep fixing em to escape atleast some of the pain. Just rip all my teeth out so I could not ruin them further and not chew at all.

I'm just feel sad and devastated. That shit by the age of 19. And for what? Nothing positive or anyhting of resemblance to even show for the years of straight up food addiction.

Because of my constant eating during binges and times where i simply was overeating my tooth enamel is completely damaged. And that can nor will never be restored.

My dentist straight up told me I have damaged it already so from now on if I don't stick with very strict, regular meals my teeth will be easily and quickly rittled with holes. But if I haven't been able to do that so far, no matter what. So now I'll just have teeth full of holes, feel constant pain and spend god knows how much trying to keep fixing em to escape atleast some of the pain. Just rip all my teeth out so I could not ruin them further and not chew at all.

I'm just feel sad and devastated. That shit by the age of 19. And for what? Nothing positive or anyhting of resemblance to even show for the years of straight up food addiction.

It fucking hurts so much. I need to sleep, but how can i

NOOOO!!! A GIRL IVE BECOME GOOD FRIENDS WITH OVER THE MONTHS JUST TOLD ME SHE HAS AN ED. NOW MY BRAIN WILL AUTOMATICALLY START SEEING HER AS COMPETITION, START HYPERANALYZING EVERYTHING I AND SHE DO AND SAY AND ITLL START TO SPITE HER FOR BEING SKINNIER THAN ME.

It's literally been minutes and I can feel her changing in my head. Her form shifting. She is telling me more about her ed, but im froze, I'm crying, I just felt like I lost a friend in a single moment and it's even more unfair to her.

NOOOO!!! A GIRL IVE BECOME GOOD FRIENDS WITH OVER THE MONTHS JUST TOLD ME SHE HAS AN ED. NOW MY BRAIN WILL AUTOMATICALLY START SEEING HER AS COMPETITION, START HYPERANALYZING EVERYTHING I AND SHE DO AND SAY AND ITLL START TO SPITE HER FOR BEING SKINNIER THAN ME.

NOOOO!!! A GIRL IVE BECOME GOOD FRIENDS WITH OVER THE MONTHS JUST TOLD ME SHE HAS AN ED. NOW MY BRAIN WILL AUTOMATICALLY START SEEING HER AS COMPETITION, START HYPERANALYZING EVERYTHING I AND SHE DO AND SAY AND ITLL START TO SPITE HER FOR BEING SKINNIER THAN ME.

If he ain't like that, I don't want him 😤😤

Being so obsessed with a girl that I’m just left there using a flashlight in front of her while moaning and whimpering her name. Moving my hips up and down and pretending I was inside her, begging her to let me feel the real thing.

Her warm hand on my cheek, cleaning my desperate tears, her praise reaching down my ear when I’m about to cum. My legs shaking and cum leaking down the flashlight as I moan her name one last time. All obsessed, just for her

Having the thoughts again Ughhhhh. I just ate aswell

My brain is my biggest enemy. I'm randomly sitting in school, not even hungry and then out of a sudden BOOM!! An extremely strong urge to skip the rest of the school day to go and buy junk and then just spend my day eating. I can just feel common sense flowing out of my mind, but I must resist lol

My brain is my biggest enemy. I'm randomly sitting in school, not even hungry and then out of a sudden BOOM!! An extremely strong urge to skip the rest of the school day to go and buy junk and then just spend my day eating. I can just feel common sense flowing out of my mind, but I must resist lol

The fact that the thought of skipping the whole schoolday tomorrow just to go buy food and eat all day even comes to my mind, even though I have eaten more than I need today, is absolutely crazy.

It would be food from store from this town that I won't be able to get before Monday otherwise. And like, the taste and texture of the food haunts me. I can't think abt anyhting else. Even that ill be able to eat other shit when I get home doesn't console me. I can't sleep because all I can think about is that food.

The fact that I acc have to resist the thought about skipping school just go and buy food is wild, cause the school in question is a short, nice and actually useful.

The fact that I acc have to resist the thought about skipping school just go and buy food is wild, cause the school in question is a short, nice and actually useful.

Atp I have straight up food addiction. It makes me act completely unrational, makes me do things that I would never do elsewhere. And once I get it, it's never enough. Feels like I have no consciousness almost.

Just had my first cognitive psychology test. Now I'll go and buy myself a treat. And by a treat I mean a whip to get myself in order.

Actually ended up having an amazing day and will continue to do so. And then an amazing week and month.

Happy Birthday!!!! 🎊🎉🎂🥰

Thank youuuu 🥰🥹💕💕!!!

My mom said, "Does anybody else in the world know it's your birthday?". And like yeah she didn't mean to upset me when she said that, it was rather a half sympathetic thinking out loud. But go damn that hit hard

Is it ever your birthday if you don't have to fight tears constantly the night before and probably the day itself.

It's almost midnight, but I can't sleep because I can hear my roommates clearly talk even thu my very good ear plugs.

When ur eye make up turned out so nice and it stayed the whole day and would've stayed another if you hadn't started crying randomly when you planned to go to sleep early.

I want my mom to hold me and then tuck me to bed. Put me to sleep so sweet and deep, I'll never wake.

every night

I don't understand. How can I be doing well and than one moment, out of nowhere my brain just switches completely and im upset all the time. Can't stop slumping, negative thoughts. Even more hopeless when it's not even triggered by something, because then I can't even prevent or understand it.

So hard to choose eating well so that my mind could actually focus over starving and romanticizing my misery.

But since I'll binge when I do the latter I'll be fat and disgusting either way.

atp im convinced im made to be isolated from others. when i dont have particularly friends i have no problem going to classes and going thru my days without much distress. i have no problems socialising during group tasks and i make small talk but thats all. but if i get talking to a person in particular, outside of classwork, thru messages it quickly becomes too much and it causes me distress.

i want to cut so bad but i left my blade at home. my only hope is my pencil sharpener, but i left my scisors back at the apartment aswell.

My brains is so funny cause it sees me in worlds not real, but struggles to acknowledge me in this one.

Just did my first cut of uni. Now I'm gonna play farm frenzy whilst trying to not burst back into tears. Hopefully I'll be stable enough to call my dad back after a few games.

I can't bring myself to do anything. I just keep giving up and failing every day, just again and again.