I Am Such An Overeater That Sometimes When I Go To The Toilet At Night I Half Consciously Grab A Slice

I'm so sleepy, I feel like I'm sick. Moving my body is hard. But I still have to cut myself for eating before I go to sleep.

mentally a living corpse

Ohhh 😔

I long for a aub💖💖

Crazy how I have kinda figured out how to keep myself feeling content. Like what to do and how to do it. But most of the time, I just can't bring myself to do those things even though I know I'd feel a lot better if I did.

In the morning my coworker asked if everything is okay, because my face was sad. I didn't quite understand if between the lines she was also telling me I shouldn't look like that bcs how it would look to customers. But I tried to smile more.

And now my mom got angry at me out of no where bcs like she said, I always look like im dying, whatever happens I look like I'm dying. She also said that life wasn't so hard which I agree, my life isn't hard. She also ranted some more but yh.

I guess I'll have to train myself to smile all the time. Idk how to tho lol

Need to keep myself in check cause I feel so close to asking my mom if she could live on if I died.

What do I have to do to attract a yandere?? Do I have to summon them with a ritual, bring a sacrifice??

I’m at an awkward stage now where my body begs me to rot in bed, but I know better.

Still, I’ve been at that awkward stage for years now, and I know better.

I should shower, I should eat, I should become active, take my vitamins, take care of myself, because I know better.

So why is it that I know better, but don’t do any of that?

Me and my mother went to see the fnaf movie. She is overall very much against horror, but she agreed to go with me for some reason. After I started to rant about my opinion, details and lore about the movie. And then suddenly she told me to stop and got really angry with me. She spit some things at me and told me she felt like she was gonna throw up. I know she just doesn't like horror, but it started something in me.

I rarely talk about things enthusiastically like that because I don't think anything that has to do with me or my interests is something that is worth for other to hear, especially for more than a sentence. It's so silly and stupid, I'm being too sensitive, but her being so angry at me sharing a piece of my real self really hurts.

Just majorly reminded myself how much I hate myself. How everything about me sucks. The way I look, the way I act, the way I think, things I enjoy or don't, my interests, my opinions, the way I view life etc etc. There is just nothing good amount me. And that's so jarring. How can a person be just so worthless, so ridiculously stupid. I wish there was just one thing good thing about me. Even something almost good will be appreciated. I'm so pathetic in a way I pity myself, it's not a empathetic pity, rather a disgusted one lol.

Mindlessly overeating just to be absolutely devastated about my body and inability to lose enough weight to feel like a human