Crazy How I Have Kinda Figured Out How To Keep Myself Feeling Content. Like What To Do And How To Do

I crave him so much. I don't know why. I've never talked him, but im 99% sure he is ur average boy, probs even a red piller, a 'natural' misogynist who won't even see me as a person since I am a woman he most likely won't be attracted to.

But my mind can't let go of him. My brain already hurts me so much, but this is just bullying. Making me feel so much for him. I yearn to just look at him. I barely even have the chance to see him, but I wish to properly look at him for even just 2 minutes.

And again, I feel like such a freak. A creepy stalker. I would not acc go as far as stalking him, but wanting just to look at him feels so awful.

Maybe one of the reasons I feel so much younger than I am is because I am stuck in the same place where I was when I was much younger. I have grown, gotten new experiences, changed as a person. But at my core I am still a little girl who just keeps wishing they wouldn't have to exist anymore.

Gonna fast till Thursday noon. Right now it's only almost at hour 10, but gotta push thru it.

Having the thoughts again Ughhhhh. I just ate aswell

My brain is my biggest enemy. I'm randomly sitting in school, not even hungry and then out of a sudden BOOM!! An extremely strong urge to skip the rest of the school day to go and buy junk and then just spend my day eating. I can just feel common sense flowing out of my mind, but I must resist lol

Starting to cry as soon you stop into your home or room for no reason <<<<

I fantasize about possessing you in every way possible, ensuring that no one else ever comes close to you again.

Seeing him makes my head hurt with desire. I don't know why, but I want to bleed on him, tie him to me in way that he can't erase from his mind. I hate that a part of me even wants him to cut me. Him gently caressing the area before, holding my hand with his other hand, whispering sweet and reassuring words whilst quickly wounding me so I could taint him with my blood. After I'd just wanna lay with him, no words would be needed, I'd just wish to admire his skin painted with my blood.

Is it ever your birthday if you don't have to fight tears constantly the night before and probably the day itself.

I wish there was a way for me to get interact with him. For me to even talk to him once. I have so little knowledge, so little perception of him in actuality, but my mind keeps thinking about him. So it's always just craving more to think about.

My brain is my biggest enemy. I'm randomly sitting in school, not even hungry and then out of a sudden BOOM!! An extremely strong urge to skip the rest of the school day to go and buy junk and then just spend my day eating. I can just feel common sense flowing out of my mind, but I must resist lol