Ohhh 😔

If he ain't like this I don't want him /hj

Treat me like your toy, I’m made solely for your pleasure, be so very selfish with me, be greedy, be greedy, be so very greedy.

Purged for the first time in a very long time. So fucking vile. Can't believe 12/13 year old me would do this multiple times, every day. Girlie was tough asf, current me could never.

Do I actually like him or do I wish someone would make me feel literally anyhting else else other than sonder, hopelessness , anger, dispear, misery or just emptiness??

I guess we'll never know.

How are you doing?

You seem quite stressed for your graduation but I'm sure you did great at school. 🌟

Hey, thank you for asking, and thank you for the cute gif :>

Tbh I don't know how I'm doing haha. To be honest, it just depends on how well I am able to tune out everything at a certain moment lmao

I wish I was loved

Just realized that one of the main reasons I binge is because I have nothing else to look forward to than food in my life. I don't even fucking enjoy it, but I have nothing else.

I feel like i need a change of environment. I love my mother, I like my room, it's lovely, spacious but still comfy, I like playing games with my parents once in a while, watching movies with my dad on weekend nights whenever I have the mental energy (I wish I had it more of the time), I love my pets, I like walking in my area, even when I have an absolutely horrible person living in the same house the other aspects are still so lovely.

But whenever I get home from school im just miserable. And I feel like I become the worst version (atleast one of em lol) when I'm miserable in this place. I need out and even tho I don't wanna leave in any way, I feel trapped. And sadly, genuinely extremely unfortunately, killing myself isn't an option.

Living alone is a fantasy for sure. I would barely buy food since I don't want to waste money and I don't deserve nor need it, but I would take my treadmill and dumbells with me so I can exercise the thoughts of hunger away. I could also cut and cry without worrying about being caught, to try to cope with my constant feeling of misery.

Me and my mother went to see the fnaf movie. She is overall very much against horror, but she agreed to go with me for some reason. After I started to rant about my opinion, details and lore about the movie. And then suddenly she told me to stop and got really angry with me. She spit some things at me and told me she felt like she was gonna throw up. I know she just doesn't like horror, but it started something in me.

I rarely talk about things enthusiastically like that because I don't think anything that has to do with me or my interests is something that is worth for other to hear, especially for more than a sentence. It's so silly and stupid, I'm being too sensitive, but her being so angry at me sharing a piece of my real self really hurts.

Just majorly reminded myself how much I hate myself. How everything about me sucks. The way I look, the way I act, the way I think, things I enjoy or don't, my interests, my opinions, the way I view life etc etc. There is just nothing good amount me. And that's so jarring. How can a person be just so worthless, so ridiculously stupid. I wish there was just one thing good thing about me. Even something almost good will be appreciated. I'm so pathetic in a way I pity myself, it's not a empathetic pity, rather a disgusted one lol.

i want someone to be violently obsessed with me. i want my existence to mean the world to someone

I wish I could just approach him. I wish faith would someone make us cross roads. I wish I knew what he likes in a girl so I could know how to be around him. I wish I could just have an excuse to talk to him, so I could look at his face freely.