Purged For The First Time In A Very Long Time. So Fucking Vile. Can't Believe 12/13 Year Old Me Would

It fucking hurts so much. I need to sleep, but how can i

NOOOO!!! A GIRL IVE BECOME GOOD FRIENDS WITH OVER THE MONTHS JUST TOLD ME SHE HAS AN ED. NOW MY BRAIN WILL AUTOMATICALLY START SEEING HER AS COMPETITION, START HYPERANALYZING EVERYTHING I AND SHE DO AND SAY AND ITLL START TO SPITE HER FOR BEING SKINNIER THAN ME.

If only I had an obsession who I could actually interact with. Who I could actually talk with, get to know them better, become deeply obsessed with them.

People think being lovesick is just so funny. Just a little heehee joke to toss around. They have no idea what it's like to feel this. To constantly crave attention, and the pain and obsession, especially when you don't get any. It's like my brain is on fire and most of the time I can't even say anything because people will just avoid me even more. They have no idea.

The thought of him haunts me. The desire to be near him, to be apart of his little friendgroup clouds my brain without my wish. Most of the time my brain can't help but to imagine my current situation in a world where my desires, or atleast a fraction of them are true.

But im still in my reality and the constant realizations hurt a lot. This is the closest I will probably get to romantic love in my life. A painful and overwhelming desire for someone I haven't talked to.

What video games do you like? Is chocolate the best or THE BEST? What music do you like?

Ooo only game I play is minecraft absolutely love it even when the updates are mid asf, somehow still not bored to death after 11 years. Idk if that counts cause I'm not into the games, but I really like fnaf lore just like it's own.

Hot chocolate is soo good, but only at like cafés or gas stations. I can't make a good one at home lol. Chocolate itself is a hit or miss for me, but rather delicious ofcofc.

This is such a bad answer, but I don't have a certain genre I like the most (not too knowledgeable abt niche genres anyways). I like the basics, kpop, lana del ray, mitski, boy genius the cranberries etc. But my playlist are mostly bunch of random songs I've found.

Mindlessly overeating just to be absolutely devastated about my body and inability to lose enough weight to feel like a human

What the fuck is wrong with my brain. I met the ppl in my uni course yesterday, one girl caught my eye, we spoke once.....and now my brain is cutting to lowkey romantic fantasies about her.

She didn't give me even a chance to ask sumn. Said right away it isn't gonna change. 5 euros an hour it is 😭😭

Tomorrow I'll have to go to the staff manager at my summer job and look over my contract. I should ask for more pay than last summer but idk how ughhh.

And then day after that I'll actually have ti go to work. In theory it's not that bad, but just the idea of it fills me with unlimited tread.

I wish I knew what he thought of me. What thought come into his head when he glides his gaze over me? I would even want to know if it's bad, it's better than living in the unknown, I could change if possible and I could use the sadness to cut myself.

If only I could read his mind, better yet control it.