Its Always In My Mind, And It Never Goes Away. I Think About Cutting All The Time. That Doesnt Change.

Ive become so impulsive lately, im scared of what i might do next.

-i might do something even more permadent than dying my hair, piercing my own ear, or kissing my ex

I just keep thinking about that kiss... i keep thinkung about how much i want to just run up to him and kiss him. I just want to be with him, which only proves that im a psychopath. He played me before, hes not good for me. This isnt healthy. But, something that feels so good cant possibly be bad, right?

I will always cherish what you have given me, and what i have learned from you, but its time to let go.

So like... 99% of this is true for me except its been a week since we talked last and we've been best friends for over 10 years... im just so done trying with her because I lnow she doesn't really wanna talk to me its probably just cuz she pities me which I used to be fine with but now I actually know she doesn't care its not "all in my head"...

Man don't yall just love crying for and hour straight because your best friend of 3 years hadn't talked to you in 3 days and you convinced yourself that they hate you and are tired of you and you want to end your friendship but then you realise that you don't have the patience to make another best friend so now you're stuck between the choices, whether to end your friendship because lately (during the whole quarantine and before) they have been dry with you, barely responding and have, on multiple occasions, not texted you back in a few days and you were fine with it before because you weren't as close but now they're literally the only friend you have that you trust with completely everything and you've left all your other friends because you wanted to focus on them, or whether to stay with them and endure the pain of having thoughts and being a depressed bitch who spams them with random shit in hopes that they will respond, maybe just check what you send them, but they almost never do, so you sit and cry and try not to die because you don't want to make them sad despite knowing that, if you did die, they most likely won't care that much because they're in a whole different country and it won't affect them nearly at all?

Leaving everything i love and know was honestly the best desision i ever made in my life.

i could never explain why i cut myself

Ive never felt so damn alone in my life...

Slit your wrist, cut your thighs

Fake a smile, and dry your eyes

Hate yourself, and hate your life

Welcome, to my world of lies

It took me so long. I tried to stop loving him. I really tried. It took me so long. I couldnt go a day without thinking about him. Even after all the heartache, even after he broke me to my very core. But then i finally did it. I went a day worhout thinking about him. About the pain and heartache i felt. I was truly happy... if it were a thing. Then came the fall shortly after. Then new problems arose, and new people, just coming in and out as they please. But none hurt like him. None could ever match up to the pain he caused me.

You know, ive always wanted to talk about what happened, but he kept avoiding it. So, i went on with my life. I found my own twisted version of closure and i got better every day. I moved on, and i knew i would be fine alone. It was like we had never even happened, and i learned to be okay with that. But then my friend joked that i was a heartbreaker and i replied that everyone else breaks my heart. Just normal sarcasm. We didnt mean anything about it. Then he overheard and looked at me. Id never seeen him so sincere. "It was all my fault." Ina ll the time id known him, i have never sene him look so serious. So sorry. Id finally moved on. Id finally gotten over the pain he left me with. I had finally forgiven him. Or maybe i just like to think i did, because here i am once again, my thoughts being consumed with nothing but him