Y/n: If You Bite It And You Die, It’s Poisonous. If It Bites You And You Die, It’s Venomous. 

Y/n: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. 

Kaeya: What if it bites me and it dies!? 

Jean : Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Kaeya, learn to listen. 

Lisa: What if it bites itself and I die? 

Amber: That’s voodoo. 

Eula: What if it bites me and someone else dies? 

Kaeya: That’s correlation, not causation. 

Lisa: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die? 

Amber: That’s kinky. 

Y/n: Oh my God.

The squad is over at Y/n's house*

Kaeya: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?

Y/n: ... N-No...

Y/n, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???

Kaeya, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!

Jean : I see a-

Y/n, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.

Kaeya: Oh, well I-

Y/n: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*

Y/n, amazed: Its got a bake setting!

Lisa: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!

Amber: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?

Y/n: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!

Y/n: I am someone who owns four ovens...

Y/n, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...

Y/n: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...

Eula, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!

Y/n:

Kaeya: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!

Y/n:

Y/n, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS

Y/n: Dumbest scar stories, go! 

Kaeya: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. 

Jean : I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it. 

Lisa: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. 

Amber: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn. 

Eula: 

Eula: I have emotional scars.

Y/n: Rules are made to be broken. 

Jean: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken. 

Kaeya: Uh, piñatas. 

Lisa: Glow sticks. 

Amber: Karate boards. 

Eula: Spaghetti when you have a small pot. 

Y/n: Rules. 

Jean:

*The squad right before Y/n's wedding*

Kaeya: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.

Jean : Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!

Lisa: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well

Amber: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND

Eula, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE

Y/n: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? 

Kaeya: >:O language 

Jean : Yeah watch your fucking language 

Lisa: OKAY WHO TAUGHT JEAN THE FUCK WORD? 

Amber: 'The fuck word'. 

Eula: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time 

Jean : Oh my god they censored it 

Amber: Say fuck, Eula. 

Jean : Do it, Eula. Say fuck.

Y/n: I was thinking I'd do some magic-

Kaeya: You? Magic? Y/n, it says talent show.

Y/n: *Stubs their toe* FUCK!

Jean: Mind your language!

Y/n: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???

Jean:

Y/n: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.