Warmth

be·nev·o·lent

well meaning and kindly.

exhausted

im tired of people assuming somethings about me, sure it may be a bit true but it isn’t the whole truth.

im tired of people telling me what to do or think, i dont need your opinion and please just let me do what i want to do and what i think is right. if you don’t agree that’s your own opinion and im not stopping you, i just don’t give a sht.

but what im most tired of is the people in i considered my ‘friends’, i ask for your help yet all that ends up happening is you judge the way i think or do things. so please if you can’t handle me then just please leave im totally okay with not having you as my ‘friend’

what if

what if i never did what i did? would it still be hard knowing that you deserved better, that if you were with someone else you’d be happier? maybe

but i cant go back. im stuck with the decision of letting you go and that i was too scared of being with you and disappointing you. yeah i know its dumb but what can i do now? its not like i can go back?

i have a question, do you ever think about me? yes i know this is dumb and the answer is probably no because i hurt you. but i just wanna know because i think about you. yeah i know you’re probably thinking why and maybe kinda pissed but i do and its all these little things that trigger it, like the stuff that trigger memories. happy ones. but really i just want to know if you ever just a little thought about me.

well yet again you’re never going to see this…

Sometimes… I tell myself I’m okay. 

          I repeat it, like a mantra.

                                          I'm   okay, 

                                             I'm   o kay, 

                                                I'm   o k ay, 

                                                   I'm   o k a y.

                                     Because, I’m afraid if I stop,                                              even for a moment,                                         I will  DROWN  in all the                                            reasons I am… NOT  

"of all weapons in the world, i now know love to be the most dangerous. for i have suffered a mortal wound. when did i fall so deeply under your spell, ms. bennet? i cannot fix the hour or the spot or the look or the words which lay the foundation. i was in the middle before i knew i began. but a proud fool i was. i have faced the harsh truth." - mr. darcy