GUESS WHAT? IT'S TIME FOR A WEIRD METAPHOR TO EXPLAIN HOW I FEEL!!!
GUESS WHAT? IT'S TIME FOR A WEIRD METAPHOR TO EXPLAIN HOW I FEEL!!!
The only way I can explain it is this:
I'm in a cage. I built it, I put myself here (perhaps through the coaxing of others, but I was the one to step in). I know it like the back of my hand. Like my own street. I was the one who locked myself in and only I have the key to leave. It's in my hand.
It was kinda nice at first. To sit alone and bathe in my own misery, watching people pass by and never come towards the door. But now I hate it.
"So?" You ask, "why don't you just unlock the door and leave? The option is there."
I can't.
I tremble towards the lock, sometimes I'll even unlock it. But the door stays closed. I will lock it again. And again. And again. And again. And then I'll scurry back to the corner of the cage like a frightened dog, tail in-between my legs.
And nobody cares if I came out. They don't visit. They don't acknowledge or ask why. They won't even spare a glance. I'll be the same person I always was. And the cage will still lie in wait for the next time. The only person who encourages me to leave is a woman who sees many cages, she even unlocked the door from her side and held it open for me. But I remain here.
If I go, I'll be in a world that I watched develop from my corner of my cage, but never really had a part in. Especially before. Especially now. Things I won't understand and people who won't want me. And I'll miss it.
So, I'll just stay here. Until I rot. Perhaps leaving the door open, but always never stepping out.
More Posts from Chaoticnightmarekitty and Others
People seriously underestimate the long term effects of constant loneliness
"why are you so weird?" Idk, maybe because being completely isolated while growing up has destroyed my brain and now I'm nothing more than a human-mimicking creature that bases all of my actions on what I think is normal human behavior rather than just doing things naturally
bpd is romanticized until u cut off everyone who loves u and ur banging ur head against a wall, begging for god to make everything stop
daily affirmations
- I will own a house and decorate it just like I've been dreaming of for years
- I WILL OWN A HOUSE
- my house will have the cutest decor ever
- I will have the most peaceful house of all time
- house
I feel awful. I get this dread that I'm behind. I feel like I won't be able to graduate on time. I have the majority of my high school credits, but I feel so behind. I don't have some other stuff I need plus I don't even have a license I feel so useless and incapable.
Be possessive over me. I like being reminded that I belong to you, that I’m yours alone.
therapists saying you're surprisingly self aware is like being called a pleasure to have in class for adults
jirai media recommendations (feel free 2 suggest more)
some r still ongoing btw
-Young Adult Matters
movie (2021)
tw: sh, substance abuse, bullying, violence, gore, prostitution, death, sa, homelessness, sexual content, abuse, profanity, unwanted pregnancy (prob more im forgetting)
-Tomorrow I’m gonna be someone’s girlfriend
manga (2019-2024) and tv show (2022-2023)
tw: sh, profanity, sexual content, violence, substance abuse (again prob more im forgetting)
-Kairiki Bear
musician
song suggestions: darling dance, bug, failure girl, villain
-Isana
musician
song suggestions: Menhera Janai Mon!, Loved Smoothie
-Sensitive Boy
manga (2022-2024)
tw: sexual themes, sa, sh, violence (prob more i still need 2 read it ngl)
-Sentimental Death Loop
video game (2023)
tw: death, partial nudity, sexual themes, profanity, sh, suicide, violence, gore,
-Needy Streamer Overload
game (2022)
tw: sh, sexual themes, violence, substance abuse, blood, profanity, death, cults, vomiting (prob more that im forgetting)
-Strawberry Painkiller
musician
song suggestions: Bloodsucking Dreams, Grave Skull, Thousand Knives, Sugar Truth, Pharmakeia
-Candye Syrup
musician
song suggestions: idol of death, sweet suicide, C♡S.I.S
-Hookah Haze
game (2024)
tw: death, terminal illness, stalking, substance abuse (its just hookah im pretty sure but still gonna include the warning lmao)
-Magical Girl Site
anime (2018) and manga (2014-2019)
tw: bullying, violence, suicide, abuse, blood (prob more i havent finished it)
feel free 2 suggest more! out of all of these i suggest young adult matters, kairiki bear, nso, and strawberry painkiller the most!
there’s 10 pounds of glitter in my brain ( ^ω^ )
(ignore the blood pouring out idk why that’s there)
even more cute dividers! >_< ☆
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18. Where I spew my thoughts out for strangers to see. Vent blog/rant blog/gush blog
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