THE SIGNS AS WEIRD LAWS IN THE U.S.

The Signs as Oscar Wilde Quotes

Aries: There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Taurus: When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.

Gemini: My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people’s.

Cancer: The heart was made to be broken.

Leo: There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

Virgo: The truth is rarely pure and never simple.

Libra: Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Scorpio: You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.

Sagittarius: To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all. 

Capricorn: You can never be overdressed or overeducated.

Aquarius: Genius is born—not paid.

Pisces: Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.

THE SIGNS AS WIKI-HOW ARTICLES

Aries: How to clean your dishwasher with kool-aid

Taurus: How to accept that your computer is slow

Gemini: How to feel a guy's muscle without looking gay

Cancer: How to act shy so that people think you are cool and you will be the best

Leo: How to wake up from the American Dream

Virgo: How to take a shower smoothly

Libra: How to practice nudism in your room without anyone knowing

Scorpio: How to become a civil war corpse

Sagittarius: How to win an argument when you know you are wrong

Capricorn: How to be inspired by Michelle Obama

Aquarius: How to overthrow the patriarchy

Pisces: How to overcome anxiety naturally with foods

Zodiac Signs And Humor

  Aries: Goofy, Physical Humor Comes Most Naturally. These Are Some Of The Top Mimics In The Zodiac! But They Are Also Known To Be Quite Witty Out Of The Blue. Taurus: Observational Humor. They Are Usually Unintentionally Hilarious, And Can Take A Step Back And Laugh At Themselves Too! Gemini: Quick On The Uptake, They Remember Jokes Really Well And Can Laugh At Just About Anything, This Sign Is Most Prone To Making Fun Of Someone, But Not In A Mean Way, It’s Usually Because They’re Interested. Cancer: This Sign Has An Endearing Self-Deprecating Way Of Being Funny. As Simple As A Silly Facial Expression Or Pretending To Be Serious When They’re Not. Leo: This Sign Tends To Take Everything In Around Them And Deliver It Verbally With A Bit Of Exaggeration That Not Only Is Hilarious, But Leaves You Wanting To Hear More. They Know When They Have You Hooked, Too. Virgo: The Pissed, But Not Pissed, Complaining, But Not Complaining, Snarky Wit About People And Their Lives Is Usually Very Humorous And Entertaining. Libra: A Little Strife And Sarcasm Send Libra Going A Long Way! Once They Lose The Cool Exterior And Start, There’s No Stopping Their Story Telling Humor. Scorpio: Sarcasm All The Way. Comments Here, Comments There; It’s Borderline Rude, Borderline Passive Aggressive, But Funny Nonetheless! Sagittarius: Everything In Life Can Be Turned Into Some Hilarious Experience. A Combination Of Observational Humor, Sarcasm, And Exaggeration Is Where It’s At For This Sign. Capricorn: The No Smile Facade Lives Here. This Sign Can Keep A Straight Face Until They Start Laughing At Themselves With A Sharp Uptake On What’s Happening. Aquarius: Just Naturally Funny. They Don’t Really Try To Be A Joke Teller Or Anything. Often Times They’re Bewildered That They’re Being Funny And Start Laughing Right Along With The Others. Pisces: This Sign Ranges From Cute Storytelling To Down Right Obnoxious. They Milk It Too, Taking All The Time They Need To Have Your Attention And Make You Laugh.

The Signs as Cats

Aries: A small, friendly calico cat that loves to play and run around. doesn't enjoy cuddling too much, but is lovable as hell!

Taurus: Fluffy Siberian cat with big eyes that you fall in love with the second you see them. Very sweet and loving, they're the cat you'll want to keep.

Gemini: A Manx, very cute and friendly, but they're different than the rest. Usually an outsider, but they have a heart of gold.

Cancer: Munchkin cat! They're loved by everyone, a crowd favorite. No one can say no to them, even if they can be a little evil sometimes. They're always forgiven.

Leo: A small, fluffy, Scottish Fold. Leo's are great friends, and not everyone can have them as their friend. But if you get one, you'll feel extremely lucky.

Virgo: Siamese cat that is beautiful inside and out. They're kind and fun and always make everyone feel welcome.

Libra: A fluffy Maine Coon. They're sweet and pretty and fun, but if you get too close, they'll attack. They love your attention, but don't get too friendly!

Scorpio: Big ass Persian cat! Lovable and sweet and your best friend - but you have to let them warm up to you before you get too close.

Sagittarius: Savannah cat. They look like they won't be friendly and they'll attack, but they're just as nice as any other cat.

Capricorn: A sweet, loving Ragdoll. They don't get as much love as they should, but they don't mind. They appreciate any amount of attention and kindness they get, and they'll give it right back!

Aquarius: A classic Tabby cat. Some may say they're not special or unique, but they each have a personality you can't help but love.

Pisces: Bombay cat. They're cute and friendly at first, but they can attack you like a panther if you don't give them what they want. Make sure you give them lots of attention and love, and they'll be your best friend.

Weird Holidays the Signs should celebrate

Aries: Common Courtesy Day (Mar 21)

Taurus: Pizza Party Day (May 19)

Gemini: Repeat Day (June 3)

Cancer: Take your Dog to Work Day (June 23)

Leo: Lazy Day (Aug 10)

Virgo: Be Late for Something Day (Sep 5)

Libra: Wear Something Gaudy Day (Oct 17)

Scorpio: National Absurdity Day (Nov 20)

Sagittarius: Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day (Dec 8)

Capricorn: Make up your Mind Day (Dec 31)

Aquarius Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day (11 Feb, United States)

Pisces: Public Sleeping Day (Mar 16)

Lilith as Complexes

Lilith in Aries: Icarus Complex

Lilith in Taurus: Cleopatra Complex

Lilith in Gemini: God Complex

Lilith in Cancer: Inferiority Complex

Lilith in Leo: Ego Complex

Lilith in Virgo: Martyr Complex

Lilith in Libra: Adonis Complex

Lilith in Scorpio: Don Juan Complex

Lilith in Sagittarius: Messiah Complex

Lilith in Capricorn: Superiority Complex

Lilith in Aquarius: Napoleon Complex

Lilith in Pisces: Cassandra Complex

THE SIGNS AS THE 7 DEMON PRINCES OF HELL

Lucifer (pride) - Leo, Aquarius

Beelzebub (envy) - Gemini, Virgo

Sathanus (wrath) - Aries, Sagittarius

Abaddon (sloth) - Pisces

Mammon (greed) - Capricorn

Belphegor (gluttony) - Taurus, Cancer

Asmodeus (lust) - Libra, Scorpio

The signs + fantasy elements

Royalty - King/Queen: Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn

Royalty - Princess/Prince: Leo, Taurus, Pisces, Gemini

Chosen One: Aries, Sagittarius, Aquarius

Dragons: Aries, Scorpio, Libra, Taurus

Mermaids: Cancer, Virgo, Pisces

Mischievous Fae Folk: Aries, Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius

Angels: Taurus, Leo

Gods/Goddesses: Scorpio, Capricorn, Aquarius

Vampires: Taurus, Scorpio, Capricorn, Pisces

Travel Companion to Chosen One: Cancer, Virgo

Forbidden Lovers: Cancer+Capricorn, Gemini+Sagittarius

Valkyries: Taurus, Cancer, Gemini, Capricorn, Aquarius

Tragic Seer/Seeress: Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Aquarius, Pisces

Magic Users: Aries, Gemini, Virgo, Libra, Pisces

Talking Animals: Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius

Time Travelers, Lost in Time: Leo, Aquarius

Pirates: Aries, Gemini, Sagittarius

Hero/Villain - Used to be ex-Friends/Lovers: Cancer+Leo, Aries+Virgo, Taurus+Gemini

Tragic Death from Saving Everyone: Cancer, Aquarius, Pisces

THE SIGNS AS BONES CHARACTERS

Temperance "Bones" Brennan: Virgo

Agent Seeley Booth: Leo

Jack Hodgins: Taurus

Zack Addy: Gemini

Angela Montenegro: Aquarius

Daniel Goodman: Capricorn

THE SIGNS AS GREEK GODDESSES

Aries: Athena, Goddess of War

Taurus: Aphrodite, Goddess of Beauty

Gemini: Hebe, Goddess of Youth

Cancer: Selene, Goddess and Titan of the Moon

Leo: Hera, Queen of Goddesses

Virgo: Demeter, Goddess of the Harvest

Libra: Themis, Goddess of Divine Justice

Scorpio: Persephone, Goddess of the Underworld

Sagittarius: Artemis, Goddess of Hunt and Nature

Capricorn: Nike, Goddess of Victory

Aquarius: Hectate, Goddess of Magic and Witchcraft

Pisces: Eos, Goddess of Dawn and Hope