Konig Image

Hello again! It's the anon who sent the deep voiced mreader ask and I want to thank you so much for writing the headcanon! I love it! Is it okay if I request for the same hc but with Alejandro and König with the addition of mreader speaking Spanish and German in his deep voice?

Hope you have a merry Christmas!

You're welcomee <3

Alejandro Vargas + König w/ M!reader who has a deep voice

Warnings: mentions of voice kink

Alejandro

Sucker for your voice

Just loves how deep and raspy it can get

At first he found it hot but later he realizes that it's kind of cute

If it couldn't get any better, you speak spanish as well

Needed a moment to calm down

Especially in the mornings when your voice is lower, whispering into his ear

He was a bit fascinated with your already deep voice but goddamn boy, he didn’t even know it could get lower

"Mi vida" "Amor" "Tesoro"

Just get very poetic with it and he's on his hands and knees

He obviously acts cool when you're around but once you leave he's all giggly and shit

Migh've developed a..uh..you know

voice kink

You just awakened something in him

Your pride can just shoot up because he likes your voice

König

He was a little iffy at first, but somewhere along the lines, he fell in love with it

In the beginning he was a little shy, but he managed to tell you how much he loved your voice

It's just soothing and relaxing

The fact that you can speak German makes it 100% better

Just calling him sweet nicknames while cuddling or whatever

"Liebling" "Engel" "Mein stern"

Looks like an lovestruck puppy

Pulls up an asmr video "You should try that, please"

Really tries to make your conversations longer, so that he can just listen to you talk

Will make you read "A la recherche du temps perdu" by Marcel Prous, no matter how boring or long it is (It has like 4215 pages)

He just feel so at peace while listening to you talk

It's easy to scare him with it too

When he wakes up at night and you wake up too, scaring him with that deep as fuck voice

so this is why they became guards and not players (affectionate)

2022 was a tough year, so I wanted to welcome 2023 with a smile and laughs.

I present to you low quality memes!

Choices have consequences

Alejandro Vargas x reader (GN)

Warning: light angst, culinary crimes, talk about past food insecurity.

Summary: There is an unwritten rule that you assumed Alejandro would have learned by now, after three years of committed relationship: don't anger the cook. You were wrong.

On AO3

A/N: I'm like, five vodka cocktails in. If there are any mistakes I'll fix them when I'm sober. Also I got inspired by @ragingbookdragon 's badass reader because I just know Alejandro is. So. Whipped.

When you had decided to move in together, an arrangement was made: all household chores would be shared when he was present, but you would be in charge of meal planning and cooking.

It was a convenient set-up for the two of you; you wouldn't be burdened with all the chores when he was off-duty, and would only look after your own load of housekeeping when you were by yourself. Besides, Alejandro was by no means an incapable man when cooking, you were just better than him in that regard - by a lightyear.

To you, cooking wasn't just a means to an end - it was an act of service, a declaration of love. And to date a passionate man as Alejandro, you showed the same passion for your culinary art.

The kitchen was your realm, and you were the regent. No matter whoever was going to be the recipient of your hard work, you always chose the finest ingredients. You loved to experiment with flavours and aromas. You had transformed an unused closet at the far end of your kitchen into a walk-in pantry - your spices occupied nearly an entire wall in there.

You put your heart and soul into every dish, it didn't matter if it was for Alejandro and you, a house full of guests, or just yourself. Those close to the both of you knew that a dinner invitation to your house meant a culinary experience that could rival that of a Michelin star restaurant.

And you were damn proud of yourself for that. You nurtured yourself on the faces of your guests when their head tilted slightly backwards, their eyes closed, and a soft moan escaped them as soon as they tried your meals. Alejandro himself had more than once interrupted himself from eating to cup your face in his hands and kiss you to thank you for your efforts.

Which is why the very words that came out of his mouth hit you like a train dead on.

Granted, he didn't say them to you directly, you overheard him on accident the previous day while he was talking on the phone. You didn't mean to eavesdrop, but he wasn't being secretive either. He was sitting in the living room, and the conversation was quite light-hearted, so you assumed that the topic was nothing related to his work. You still kept quiet, sneaking behind him to grab a book you had meant to start reading for a while.

The conversation had shifted to meals, somehow, and it caught your attention immediately when he mentioned some of the meals you often made. It never failed to warm your heart when he gushed about your culinary skills.

"...I mean, I appreciate the effort because it's such a hassle to cook and they do it all from scratch, but a few times it felt like I was eating rations in the field."

...What?

He couldn't be talking about your food, right?

...Right?

He ended his sentence with a chuckle, and you just stood there, fingers grasping the spine of the book. Your eyes were fixed on the shelf as his conversation moved on, his voice fading from your perception.

There was a weight on your chest that expanded to the bottom of your stomach and to the middle of your head, settling right behind your eyes. Knowing what was to come, you left the book in its place and walked back to the room you'd come from, just as quietly as you'd arrived.

After twenty minutes or so, you emerged from your hiding place, face freshly washed and - hopefully - no traces of the little angst marathon you went through. Alejandro still sat in the living room, this time he was watching a rerun of some fútbol match, completely unaware of the beast he had unknowingly set loose.

You walked straight to the kitchen with a newfound determination, a mission if you will. After gulping two cups of water to rehydrate yourself - and a quick prayer to your late abuela for forgiveness for the crime you were about to commit - you put your hands to work. You usually took about two hours to cook, but you were sure that you would be over much quicker than that.

You carefully washed, sliced, and prepared the main ingredients, making sure that the meal would have everything necessary to look absolutely normal. You were akin to an explosives expert assembling a bomb, every step carefully calculated to achieve your goal.

The light scent of that escaped from the pot caught Alejandro's attention, and he robotically moved to set the table. You stole a glance at him, finding him eager and looking forward to dinner with a tiny grin on his face.

Estúpido mimado.

A few more minutes passed and the rice stew was ready. You looked at it, quite bland and lacking some colour, and knowing exactly how it would taste. Memories from a time long past flashed in your mind and you forced yourself to shoo them away. Carefully, you brought the pot to the table and filled two plates - Alejandro's, like always, had a extra spoonful.

You both sat down and started eating. You kept your eyes on your plate as you heard him chomp down eagerly, then quietly slow down until pulling to a stop. You tried your best not to break into a devilish smirk as he finally spoke to you.

"... Mi amor?" He sounded confused, if not a bit concerned, "the food tastes... Uh... Different than usual."

"...Yeah?," You quipped, knowing exactly what was wrong with the food, it wasn't just bland. It was sick dog level of blandness. No spices at all, no herbs, not even salt. "I tried a new recipe today."

"Uh, okay?," He frowned a bit, slowly pushing the food around with his plate, wondering how to tell you that he didn't like it one bit, "it just... It has no spices...?"

You can't contain your smirk this time, it felt like getting away with a crime. It was a criminal masterpiece.

"Pues claro, mi amor," your voice was sweet, but the mirth in your tone couldn't be hidden, and ran a shiver down his spine, "I wanted to emulate the flavour of the rations you seem to love so much."

Alejandro blinked once, twice, and felt his blood run cold. Had you heard him?

"Mi amor-" he began, but you interrupted him, pointing your spoon to his face.

"Escúchame bien Alejandro Vargas," you scolded him and he gulped and shut his mouth, sitting straight in his chair, "this kind of food would've been a banquet for me growing up. The sort of food I so lovingly dedicate myself to prepare everyday is the result of my dreams and desires from when I was a kid, and you disrespected that by acting como un estúpido mimado."

"Pero claro," you pitch raised and Alejandro had flashbacks of his own mamá whenever he got a scolding, "el señor put my meals at the same level of the rations he gets from the army, which I know how they taste like and don't you forget that," you accentuated every syllable with the spoon, which was still pointed at his face. Alejandro gulped as he watched you, and you continued on, "so I decided that you will eat this meal - all of it - and be thankful for every meal you receive from today on, mine or the army's, because making fun of the meals I so lovingly make for you is the same as making fun of me as a kid who got this only when there was something to celebrate. Entendido?"

"...Si, mi vida," Alejandro stated with a nod, feeling like a little kid under your harsh glare, "cada palabra."

"Good," you nodded, and carried on with eating your own meal, "que sea la última vez."

Alejandro took a few seconds to carry on with his meal, making a mental note to bring you a bouquet of flowers in the morning with your breakfast.

A fate worse than death, part two

Summary:The rest of the time find out what happen to you and the others

Type:Scenario: 141 + Los Vaqueros X M!Reader

Version:Mw2

~

Gaz was trying to get it out of Price about what happened while Soap was helping Rudy get Alejandro to the medic and Ghost was sitting in his room thinking. And you were no where to be seen.

"Come on cap, tell me what happened"

Gaz and Price were headed towards the Kitchen, and Price was getting alittle annoyed with Gaz.

"No Gaz"

Gaz didn't know what happened so he didn't know how it still affected Price in ways he's never been affected before. When they reached the kitchen there were two newer recruits talking, they have been in the military before and actually worked alongside of you for quite some time but they were new to 141. When Gaz and Price sat down Gaz was just staring at him trying to get it out of him, just silently this time. But now Gaz could see how the captain was still alittle shaky from early.

"Yeah he's crazy man, one time he used his sledgehammer and bushed his way up to someone's head, hitting every spot."

One of the new recruits said. Gaz stopped looking at Price, turning his head slow enough for it to creak. Gaz was horrified with what he just heard.

"Damn, that is crazy"

The other recruit said like it was a normal thing. But then again you are named death after all.

"Wait, wait a second. Who are you talking about?"

Gaz asked still in complete shock. The recruits looked at him alittle confused.

"Death? You know y/n?"

Gaz looked at Price then back to the recruits quiet. He couldn't believe it, no. He refused to believe it. You were one of the nicest people, yeah you scared alot of the people on the team but he never seen why.

"Are...are you serious?"

The recruits nodded. Gaz was shocked, far beyond shocked. Like yeah your code name is death, but he never took it seriously. You? Brutally kill a guy? He couldn't believe it.

"Yeah, actually funny thing I heard one day that apparently he stabbed someone multiple times, and while they were still alive he shoved a smoke bomb down their throat and the smoke spewed out of the holes he made in them"

Price was still silent.

~Off to Soap~

Putting Alejandro on the bed in the medic room, Soap looked at Rudy worried.

"What happened?"

Rudy looked at Soap with a face that basically said 'I don't wanna talk about it'. Soap couldn't see what happened so he was clueless to what you did. Alejandro looked up at Soap.

"Wanna know what happened? It was death, that's what"

Alejandro stopped to cough abit. Letting out a disgusted sound.

"He was crazy, he beat the shit out of a shadow before bashing his hea in. I....I couldn't watch"

Alejandro looked down, ashamed, disturbed, disgusted. Soap chuckled abit, but by the looked of Rudy and Alejandro he knew they were serious.

"Wait? Y/n? Are you serious?"

Alejandro nodded, Rudy just looked away. Soap stood there silent, taking it all in. Before Rudy spoke.

"The captain was horrified"

~On to Ghost~

Throwing a ball up and down he thought to himself, 'what happened when the shadows head dropped?' That's all he could think about. One second the shadow had a gun pointed at someone, and the next second that someone hit the shadow in the head with the gun causing him to disappear from all the snipers view. Not that Gaz and Soap were paying attention. Ghost could see Price's horrified reaction, the look of pure shook and disgust in Rudy's face, and Alejandro start throwing up, violently. It dawned on Ghost that he could always ask you, or go back to see what you did. He'd rather ask you. Getting up Ghost went to find you. When he did he grabbed your shoulder, causing you to turn around.

"Sir, what did you do to that shadow?"

The devilish smile on your face told Ghost, it wasn't pretty.

~The story of what did, from all their perspectives~

Price looked at Gaz, and signed.

"He...The moment he had a open window he grabbed the gun, smacking the shadow in the face with it"

-

Rudy, gulped, and Alejandro glared at the ground.

"He crushed the guys cheek bone, so bad you could hear it crack all the way over by us"

-

You grabbed Ghost's hand and leaned in.

"I bashed that bastards head until be fell to the ground, he, I could alright see the blood dripping from his head.

-

Gaz listened carefully, leaning in he didn't want to miss any details.

-

Soap stayed quiet, not wanting to accidentally interrupt.

-

Ghost shivered slightly at how you spoke, it was creepy. Almost inhuman

-.

Price looked back at the table, in thought.

"Taking the gun, he didn't kill the man. No he did worse"

Gaz carefully got up, to make him and Price a cup of tea.

-

Rudy looked Soap in the eye, now stern.

"He continuously hit the guys thigns until they bleed no more"

Soap started to get nervous, just the thought of getting your thighs bashed in with a steel gun made his thigns tingle slightly.

-

You leaned back alittle seeing the discomfort in Ghost's eyes.

"He was screaming so loud, if was like music to my ears. As I watched his legs turn to mushy flesh infront of my very in eyes"

Ghost stepped back abit, now more cautious due to your creepy and low chuckling.

-

Price nervously messed with his fingers.

"He didn't stop beating his legs in until you could see the shadows nerves and veins sticking to the beaten muscle, that....ugh"

Price groaned at the thought of what you did, as Gaz listened getting uncomfortable himself from the way Price was unsettled.

-

Alejandro groaned loudly and stood up.

"He was like a senseless beast, when he turned around to look at us he bent in a way he shouldn't."

Alejandro practically yelled as Rudy nodded, Soaps full attention now on Alejandro. Soap was a tad bit uncomfortable, he's never seen Alejandro this freaked out over something. Neither has Rudy.

-

You stepped closer as Ghkst stepped backwards

"He begged begged me to not kill him, so I yanked him by the hair and asked him 'how?'"

Ghost has never felt this way around someone before, he didn't like it

-

Price looked you at Gaz seeing him making the finally touches in the tea.

"After he dropped his head, death was gonna stomp on his head, he was gonna kill him."

Gaz nodded and brought Price his tea. Recruits still standing there, listening.

-

Alejandro walked around the room to try and get the unsettling feeling out of him. As Rudy continued to inform Soap about what happened.

"He didn't get a chance to crush his head actually, the shadow stabbed the bottom of his foot causing him to jump back."

Soap thought that was the end and let out a sign of relief.

-

You grabbed Ghost by his mask and pulled him to you. Having the same devilish smirk you started with.

"He tried to get away Ghost, he tried so hard but I wouldn't let him, I stabbed him with the knife he stabbed me with."

Ghost was about to pull away but remembered, it'd be useless you'd only pull him back. He knows you get to worked up in telling a story.

-

Price nervously took a sip of tea, staring down at it as it swirled with the steam.

"He-....He used the knife to stab between his shoulder blades....before cutting his back open, all the way down to his lower back."

Gaz almost choked on his tea when he heard that. He pictured it to well, the thought made him wanna run away from this conversation.

-

Rudy looked down, legs and arms shaking slightly. Soap took notice of this.

"Y/n...he grabbed the sides of open flesh, and, oh my god... he ripped the shadow open like he was nothing."

Soap took a step back, horrified by what he heard. How, no, why? Why would you do that.

-

You pulled Ghost closer, now whispering in his ear, likely to keep this part a secret.

"I wanted to do worse Ghost, but instead I broke. Every. Fucking. Rib. He had, his screams only got louder."

Ghost eyes widen, realizing you met you had grabbed his bare ribs and snapped them all in half. Now Ghost has done some crazy things but this? It's on a while nother level.

-

Price rubbed his temples to calm himself.

"When he finished he, well killed him. With his foot"

Gaz had finished his tea by then. Still has that unsettling feeling.

-

Alejandro walked back over to Soap and grabbed his shoulder.

"Wondering how he killed a soldier with just his foot? Yeah? He stepped on him, well more like bashed."

Soap looked at Alejandros hand alittle nervous.

-

You chuckled darkly pushing yourself off of Ghost.

"I dropped my foot so hard, I still have his eye juices on my shoe"

Ghost gagged as you walked away laughing, the whole base could hear you. The ones who seen you kill that Shadow shivered remembering that laugh.

~

[A/n:I got lazy in the last part. But hear you have it. I hope you enjoyed]

Moments like that get me so emotional and happy ;_;

THEY NERFED HIS ASS

Keegan x reader whose just as quite as he is?👁👁

My first Keegan request!! So exciting!! This was super cute, thank you for requesting!! ヾ(≧▽≦*)o

This post is so late guys, I had to fight with my java program all day for class. Some general headcanons are going to be mixed into this one. This one is also kind of short, sorry!! I'll do more Keegan content in the future, I promise.

→ COD Masterlist

|| Keegan With a Quiet S/O ||

Tags: Fluff, General Headcanons, Soft, Short and Sweet, Established Relationship

Warnings: None

Gender-Neutral!Reader // Romantic

Keegan is known for being extremely quiet

It served him well in the military and especially during his time with the Ghosts

However, whenever he was off-duty, there was never really an off switch to this behavior

He is very prone to accidently sneaking up on people

So when he met you and realized you did the same thing, he was quite amused

But then he became more intrigued when he realized he couldn't sneak up on you

Not that he didn't quietly enter a room, just when he finally made himself known you were never frightened by him

Then you telling him that he makes you feel safe so why would you ever be scared of him

And I imagine he is more of a laughy type when flustered

But now onto other headcanons

He would prefer a partner that's more quiet I think because he likes to relax in silence a lot

I imagine that he likes listening to music a lot, so he would want to do that with you

Imagine cuddles with him while some soft music plays and you laying on his chest to hear his heartbeat (/▽＼)

I think he would like writing

Imagine him writing you love letters

The two of you are just content to be in each others presence

You don't need to always be filling gaps of silence because it never feels awkward between the two of you

Probably not big on pet names but will slip up and call you one every now and then

Would teach you how to better protect yourself

He would be the type to silently do things for you, often without your knowledge and without expecting anything in return

I also don't see him liking PDA that much

But being alone with him, he is incredibly affectionate and touch-starved

Very observant

Would keep track of things you like or want and then get them for you later

Imagine quiet early mornings with him where neither of you want to get up

Whenever he comes up behind you, he would gently put his hand on your lower back or waist to let you know he was there

Very good listener

If your really forgetful and lose things a lot, he always knows where they are

If you want to go out on a date, he prefers quieter settings

Likes ruffling your hair

Is a human heater

Likes to go on walks with you

All in all, after doing what he does for work, he loves to come home and just be with someone and exist for a while

And who can blame him honestly?

Thanks for reading!

⇣Taglist⇣ @scarlettproof @unabashednightmarepizza @kk007899 @cl0udii-m00n @polar2oidsworld @meepsters-world @uwu-i-purple-you @punziesworld @heaven-angels-world @crystalliebling @southernbluebellereader @nptnewr

✦Even. More. Incorrect C.o.D Quotes.✦

Y/N, pinning Soap’s arms with their thighs in sparring: Haha! Eat shit, Scotsman! Soap, struggling: FUCKIN’ ‘ELL, The hell is in your thighs?! Y/N: Pure spite and protein, bitch! --

Someone: Hey Johnny. Y/N: Oh, no, only Ghost can- Soap: Oi! Only Y/N & Ghost can pull that off, it’s Soap to you. Y/N: Yeah he- wait me too? *gaaassp* Ohhh is this what favoritism feels like?! Soap: Pfft, maybe! Y/N: I enjoy it a lot! <3

-- American!Y/N: Fuckin’ git, he’s off his rocker, that one. The entire team: … American!Y/N: *dramatically smacks their hand over their mouth* Gaz: *laughing* Was that genuine?! Y/N: AH, I’ve been conditioned! I’ve been colonized! Soap: COLONI-*WHEEZE*

-- Fem Fatal!Y/N: What th- what is this, a spy movie? You want me to infiltrate by being some eye candy?! Laswell: It’s the best option we have. Ghost: I disagree with this. Soap: Me too! This feels real nasty, I think. Fem Fatal!Y/N: *sigh* Fine, I’ll do it. God gave me these tits for a reason, might as well use’em for somethin’. Gaz: PFF-no no, don’t be funny, this is a bad situation.

-- Graves: No! You can’t, cause if you take it- …you’ll be hurting my feelings :((( Ghost: You know, I was thinking about that. And, the thing is…I really don’t care.

-- (In a ride back to base; just makin’ conversation)

Gaz: Do you find boys attractive? Or girls. That’s one what to check, if you’re not sure. Y/N: *chuckles* You think I’m not sure? Y/N: Everyone’s attractive to be honest, even if it’s just something small. Like, some people have really gorgeous hands. Y/N: I don’t know…I’m a little bit in love with everyone I meet. But I think that’s normal. Gaz: …hm, suppose that’s a fair answer…

-- Soap, laughing: You watch it or might just start fallin’ for ya, L.T! Ghost: …would you like to? Soap: Eh-…huh? Simon: Would you like to? Fall in love with me, I mean… Soap: ….well I-…well, yeah. I wouldn’t mind…if you’d let me. Simon: …I’d let you. Soap: Well then, guess that’s it then. Woo me, Si. Simon: I’ll do my best.

-- Someone: I don't need advice from a team of virgin losers. Y/N: VIRGIN LOSERS?! *grabs Price’s shoulder and motions to him aggressively* You gonna tell me you think this man doesn’t fuck for a living?! HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?! Gaz & Soap: *for the millionth time trying not to laugh* Price: *he’s not encouraging it but he does look kinda smug*

-- Gaz, on TikTok: Everyone’s always like “Kyle how’d you bag a baddie, how’d you bag that baddie bruh-“ I didn’t bag shit. Y/N picked me up from my neck, threw me over their shoulder and I’ve been on it ever since. (Zooms out to show that he is in fact, on their shoulder) Gaz: And I ain’t got no plans on getting off anytime soon-

(This also works with Soap & Ghost)

-- Y/N: Why’s it always you got mommy issues or you got daddy issues? Me personally? Both my parents got me messed up, the side I pick? Is mine. I ain’t Hannah Montana- Y/N: 🎶but I got the best of both worlds!~🎵 Ghost: *he’s laughing on the inside, I swear*

-- Ghost, on the verge of dissociating: Why be sad…when you can just be ✨g o n e✨ Soap: Si, no-

-- Graves: Punch me. In the face. Didn’t you hear me? Y/N: I always hear “punch me in the face” when you speak, but it’s usually subtext. Graves: *huff* Well I- *gets punched so hard he falls over* Y/N: ….that felt good. Ghost: I’m so proud- Price: Stop encouraging them.

-- Soap, bursting into the briefing room: Y/N got into a fight! (Insert running scene) Price: Soldier, what hap- Ghost, sliding up in front of them: Did you win? Y/N: Of course I won. Ghost: Nice. Price: STOP ENCOURAGING VIOLENCE-

-- Y/N, in a vent above a room: Soap, it’s me, the devil! Soap: *wheeze* Gaz: *trying so hard not to laugh* Y/N: I’m here to convince you to do SIN. Come with me. Steal candy from babies and from small businesses! Soap: *WHEEZE*

-- Y/N, passing by: *does that super flirty “up & down” look* Hey König…~ König: Hallo, guten morgen. Y/N: *smiles and keeps going* König, as soon as they’re gone: *deep breath* Ohmeingottohmeingott *tiny scream*

-- Ghost after being asked about his feelings on Soap: *heavy breathing* ……..nextquestion-

-- Gaz, a menace on TikTok: Batches be on the lookout for Captain Save-A-Hoe, cause he savin’ hoes. Price, minding his business: ? Y/N, dramatically “swooning” in the background: I WANNA BE SAAAAAVED *falls* Price, unaware he’s having a thirst trap made for him: ?????

-- (I think bullying Graves is funny)

Graves: Let me tell you how this is gonna work- Y/N: You ain’t gonna tell me shit. Graves: Listen!- Y/N: Suck my dick. Graves: Listen to me!- Y/N: Suck my dick. Graves: Shut up, listen to me! Y/N: Suck my dick, you fuck man. Graves: Listen!! Y/N: Suck my dick. Graves: You will be here and listen to my ord- Y/N: You’ll be here sucking my dick. Graves: Listen to me, now! Y/N: Go fuck yourself.

-- Y/N: I would rather lead my team into a pit of fire, than have them wield guns for your ignorant usurper cunt of a general. Price: *mans is so proud it’s showing in his chops*

-- Simon: Your eyes are like sapphires…jeez…ahem, that’s pretty corny though, huh? Soap, swooning: No, not at all. Anyone would like it…aha… Simon: …uh…is this- Soap: Working? Oh yeah, thoroughly wooed, sir. Simon: Good, good.

-- Price: Please tell me you didn’t drag the boys into this. Y/N: I didn’t drag Soap & Gaz into this! *insert banging on door* Price: Who is that? Y/N: I think you know.

-- Soap: I wouldn’t wish that ‘pon my worst enemy. Unless, of course, we’re talkin’ ‘bout my enemy Philip Graves. Soap: Fuck you, Phillip(/neg), you know what you did.

-- Gaz: So you have feelings for this person. Just rip the bandaid off. Y/N, with daddy issues: It’s Price. Gaz: *inhales through his teeth* Put the bandaid back on.

-- Y/N: …Ghost? You’re into Ghost? Soap: Mhm…thoughts? Y/N: And prayers, Johnny. And prayers.

-- Gaz: Are you straight? Y/N: *chokes on drink* Don’t ever fucking insult me like that ever again.

-- (Some type of escort mission or somethin’)

Price: This woman wouldn’t know how to fix a broken fingernail. Fem!Y/N: Honestly, you lot have to be the most boorish, crude, pig-headed men I’ve ever met. Price: Hey, I’ve seen the high-bred boys you’ve hung out with, princess. I’m the only man you’ve ever met.

(Insert overly intense sexual tension here)

-- König: How does that even make any- *knife sound* König: *looks down at the knife in his thigh* Did you just- *takes knife out* Did you just stab me? What is your problem?!

-- (I’m only using Alejandro cause the dude in the audio had a slight Spanish accent, mans is definitely a feminist)

Alejandro: It’s not natural for girls to fight. Fem!Y/N: Now it’s not natural for a man to be as stupid as he is tall, but mm. Here you stand! Alejandro, in love: …

Incorrect quotes pt.4

Mw2 x male reader

Genre: crack

Characters: soap, price, gaz, soap, Alejandro, graves, Rodolfo, ghost

Warnings:

————————————————————————

Y/n: dad.. I have something to tell you..

Price: 🤨.. go on

Y/n: I’m gay..

Price: I knew that- I mean, thank you for telling me

————————————————————————

Y/n: I was put on this earth to do one thing.

Y/n: Luckily I forgot what it was so I can do whatever I want.

————————————————————————

Graves with a gun to y/n’s head*: What happens if I pull this trigger? Heaven?

Y/n: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.

————————————————————————

Y/n: What if mayonnaise came in cans?

Soap: Well, that would such because you can't microwave metal.

Price: Good morning to everyone except these two people.

————————————————————————

Graves: Where's 141?

Y/n: They're playing hide and seek.

Graves: Where?

Y/n: I don't think you get how this game works.

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Soap: Dumbest scar stories, go!

Ghost: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

Alejandro: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned.

Gaz: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

Price: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it in my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Y/n: I have emotional scars.

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Graves: I will find the missiles.. AND I WILL-

Y/n: Could you maybe just like… stab me… right in the gut. Just REALLY twist it in there. ‘Cause that honestly seems less painful than this conversation.

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Y/n: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.

Ghost: No, that's not how you make cookies.

Soap: FLOOR IT!!

Y/n: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?

Ghost: yOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-

Y/n: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!

Soap: DO IT!

Ghost: NO-

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Y/n: I'm not doing to well.

Rodolfo: What's wrong?

Y/n:I have this headache that comes and goes.

*graves enters the room*

Y/n: There it is again.

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Y/n: look at us… who would’ve thought? Not me

Soap: what

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FEM ALIGNED DNI

Reblogs are greatly appreciated:)