Me, Trying To Write A Carefree Pwp For The First Time Ever, But Then The Beginning Somehow Becomes 1k

Will being reminded time and time again Hannibal is only human post-fall. This turned into word vomit because I just typed to my little heart's content so the ending is a bit rushed lol. It ain't a formal fic. Just a little post-fall blurb.

They're standing underneath the shower head, warm water trickling down. Will is holding Hannibal by the waist--keeping his weak body steady and upright--because Hannibal is unbalanced due to a high dosage of pain medication. It's Hannibal's first shower after the stitches from his healing gunshot wound were removed. There's only a shower in this motel room--not a bathtub. Will knows Hannibal's been dying to bathe properly for weeks instead of the unsatisfying sponge baths.

Hannibal is washing shampoo through each gray strand, removing built up grease from his scalp when every finger steadily begins to slow and comes to a complete halt. Will is worried something's wrong--maybe Hannibal strained something while raising both hands over his head. Hannibal is barely breathing. Will leans in and peers over Hannibal's shoulder. Heat is creeping into Hannibal's cheeks. Hannibal's cock is half-hard and stiffening by the second.

Will is shocked--but not at all surprised. He doesn't recall having ever given Hannibal a moment of privacy besides using the toilet. He knows Hannibal is touch starved and can't be at fault for such an involuntary reaction. Fingers stroke gentle circles against Hannibal's waist. "Rinse your hair. It's gonna get in your eyes and burn like hell." He knows Hannibal's brain damaged mind needs gentle reminders on occasion--even for basic steps such as washing one's hair. He knows Hannibal is relearning mundane tasks. He knows. He is patient through it all even when it comes as a shock that Hannibal still needs reminders for everyday things--that Hannibal could forget how to perform a single task--that Hannibal depends on Will.

Hannibal's nearly finished rinsing his hair and his fingers begin to tremble and his feet slide along the shower floor as if it's becoming uncomfortable to remain still.

Will knows what needs to happen and wonders if Hannibal is waiting for permission--permission Hannibal doesn't need yet still seems to search for, even if stuck in a perpetual state of mutism. He knows Hannibal is shy in searching for guidance--that fact never ceases to shock Will. "Take care of yourself." He waits for a long stretch of time for something to happen--for Hannibal's hands to move. But they only remain curled in Hannibal's hair, shaking as much as the rest of Hannibal's body. Then, it dawns on Will.

Embarrassment is not the reason for Hannibal's refusal. He simply doesn't remember what to do or understand what Will means. It's a fine motor skill issue and an amnesia issue. Hannibal's cheek burns Will's lips where a gentle kiss is placed upon wet and flushing skin.

"It's okay if you don't remember how, darlin', I know you've been doing your best." Will's hands move from Hannibal's waist toward Hannibal's stomach. He rubs over the soft, subtle swell of Hannibal's stomach. Giving Hannibal time to adapt to skin to skin contact after enduring three long years without a single affectionate touch. He knows it feels foreign, especially because of Hannibal's brain damage and amnesia. Hannibal awoke one month ago--confused--terrified even if attempting not to show it--because Hannibal's last unfractured memories were of being in France. Dim. Faded. Not Fresh. He keeps each touch slow and gentle, allowing Hannibal's touch starved body unrushed moments to adjust.

Hannibal's untouched cock is stiff and leaking and twitching in response to every caress of Will's hands along Hannibal's stomach. Hannibal's breathing is shallow. Hannibal's eyes are clenched shut. Will understands now. Hannibal must've been a virgin at this stage in life--a killer--but never granted anyone the chance to touch. Hannibal is aching--throbbing--barely able to contain a rising whine as trembling fingers betray him, clinging to one of Will's forearms. He trusts Will and only Will. Even though it's taken a long time for Hannibal's distrust to melt away.

Will understands in all reality Hannibal is a decade older. But Hannibal's current state of mind is only 19 years old. Will wouldn't ever dare to speak such a statement under another circumstance. But this version of Hannibal is sweet in rare moments when not attempting to ward off the world beneath a stone cold exterior--one not yet perfected--one with easily discovered fractures Will is unable to ignore after knowing Hannibal for so long. He whispers the single phrase that comes to mind. Right next to Hannibal's ear. "Do you need my help, sweet boy?"

Will can tell Hannibal is trying to fight it: the shock, the trembling gasp twisting an undignified whimper threatening claw its way forth, the small and pitiful abortive thrust--pitching forward into empty air. It comes to Will easily as if a second nature buried deep and forgotten. He soothes Hannibal's breathless whimper with a kiss against a soaking wet temple. "Easy, baby, I'll take care of you," Will whispers and curls a calloused palm around Hannibal's cock. A frail and wobbling moan erupts from Hannibal's mouth--shattered and hoarse and needy. Hannibal's other hand claws at the wall for balance. Will's grasp is gentle (unyielding yet nearly lax) as Hannibal's overwhelmed body struggles to find its rhythm in wake of such a foreign sensation--of such jaw-dropping pleasure. He knows it must feel like Hannibal's first time ever approaching orgasm due to brain damage and amnesia. Hannibal's feet are damn near slipping and Will loops an arm around Hannibal's waist. "You don't have to rush. Find your pace, sweet boy."

Echoing off the tiled walls are Hannibal's whimpers and moans--thin and ruined from rusted vocal cords. Hannibal's head is tipped back and leaning against Will's shoulder. He sobs a wordless plea once Will begins taking over with a sure and steady fist--spurring long-awaited friction around Hannibal's neglected cock.

Will can barely keep Hannibal upright because of how erratic Hannibal's shifting is becoming: sharp, unpracticed thrusts desperate to meet each stroke as if this sensation is entirely new and deeply craved--and pressing back against Will's clothed cock--Will wore boxers for Hannibal's comfort. He can't resist thrusting in response, burning with a mirrored need. He knows Hannibal is close: with nails digging into skin, with nails clawing at the walls, with thighs trembling, with knees threatening to buckle, with a rising stream of needy, breathless cries cresting into the air, with each swift twist of a wrist, with each murmur of praise breathed against Hannibal's ear. Hannibal's voice cracks on each unraveling wail--strained and wet with tears of overwhelm. He knows Hannibal's cheeks are soaking in fresh tears along with water from the shower head. Hannibal's chest is heaving bright with a flush--sinking in and filling with each ragged breath. He swirls a thumb around Hannibal's nipple--and again and again--when Hannibal's pulsing cock twitches in response--when Hannibal's sobs cease to be audible in wake of a toe-curling climax.

Will guides Hannibal through those dizzying, mind numbing moments. He presses endless kisses to Hannibal's jaw and cheek and temple. He climaxes soon after, a deep moan spilling forth. He cradles Hannibal, who's trembling and gasping through the aftershocks. He guides Hannibal out of the shower and into a clean set of pajamas. He showers quickly and steps out of the bathroom.

Hannibal is staring up at Will, eyes glassy and cheeks still warmed with a blush. He tentatively reaches out. He wants to be held. Will knows.

this was me in the spring of 2023 after i started writing my 54k word fic about Hannibal being tortured via laxatives and starvation after his toilet was removed in the BSHCI, and people actually left lovely comments on it when i expected at least one person to be like: "goddamn bitch what the fuck is this monstrosity"

YOU!! YES, YOU!! GO WRITE THAT FANFIC YOU THINK NOBODY BUT YOU WILL READ!!

Hannibal being touch-starved and dealing with separation anxiety post-fall. He’s trembling like a leaf the first time Will leaves the house to run an errand—gnawing on his knuckles until they’re split and bleeding. The first time Will hugs him, with a warm palm cradling his nape, he lets out the ugliest gut-wrenching sob. He definitely needs to experience a cathartic and snotty cry session in Will’s arms after spending three years in isolation.

whenever I lose my faith in humanity there will be some tender comment on ao3 and I feel like there’s still light in the fallen world

Mulling on. I do think people tend to characterize hannibal as low emotion but I’d argue it’s actually the polar opposite, I think he’s an extremely emotionally driven high sensitivity character. It’s just. Not always the emotional responses that are socially acceptable. I think he is also extremely good at repression, compartmentalization, and forms of disassociation that are the learned skills of someone with the emotional skin of a third degree burn victim.

That being said, I think one area of emotion he is almost completely numb that helps him operate the way he does, is he has almost no fear. In his own ways he does have empathy, regret, guilt, etc although not nearly as often as he should, but the part of his brain/emotions that feels fear is often completely non existent.

I think that’s very much an effect of extreme trauma. The worst happens, what is there left to fear? You’ve already seen hell and survived. You’re living on borrowed time and have defied death and god, you might as well do whatever you want. What could you possibly fear after that.

This makes an interesting contrast to will, who is introduced to us as being almost entirely fear. It is his number one driving force. It’s hard to narrow down the things Hannibal saw in him right away, but I do think that it’s interesting that a man who has conquered his fear through suffering and feels he is better for it meets a man who is driven by and in shackles of fear, and wonders if he is put through the worst so there is nothing left to fear, what beautiful thing will be there when the shackles are gone?

hello coffeeintherain!!! i really love ur hannigram fics on ao3!!! they make my heart burst. do u take requests?

omg hi!! thank you so much <3 i absolutely do take requests!

so so real omg the way he's a vulnerable little pumpkin in the BSHCI becoming crestfallen when Will says "no" after being asked if it was good to see him 😭💔

Me seeing hannibal looking sad and pathetic in his tupperware

hannibal cries the first time he and will have sex. just a whimpering mess, releasing aeons of want and finally being understood. wanting to make sure will has the most amazing time, nearly losing himself in the process until he's pulled back to reality by a feverish kiss, and oh. this is really happening. he is making love to the man he loves. and that man kisses away his tears and holds him and rocks them both to ecstasy until they're a collapsed mess of tangled sheets and limbs and lovemarks.

me rn because you get me like no one else.

everything you said, specifically:

whereas, the speculative lens asks, "if we treat this character as real, how might we explore their motivations, contradictions, and inner life?" (aka pretty much the whole point of fanfiction!)

but let's take a step over to the speculative lens and consider that same line. it opens up an avenue for writers (and whoever) to explore Hannibal's vulnerability, psyche, and all of his contradictions in a way that feels authentic to our own human experience, EVEN IF it isn't aligned with the show's narrative goals.

instead of taking Hannibal's assertion at face value as a definitive truth, we get to explore how and why this idea that he's free from external influence would play into his own sense of self, as well as his carefully curated public persona.

both of these lenses are useful and good! they can and should co-exist with one another! and i think we all pretty seamlessly shift between the two lenses depending on whether or not we're in the mood for a larger thematic exploration or looking for an opportunity to personalize, empathize, humanize (etc.) the story in ways that the original narrative simply couldn't.

you are so right. fanfic authors are allowed to explore a character's vulnerability and possible trauma if it interests them. fanfics don't have to be cut and dry and stick to canon. i need some oomph to my angst and hurt/comfort.

if writing about a vulnerable version of Hannibal is wrong then i don't want to be right. i'm reading Hannibal Rising and it sheds light on how Hannibal's childhood was in fact impacted by what he went through. ignoring his trauma (something major that shaped his childhood) would make him the same as any other serial killer. Hannibal's childhood experience makes him unique and there is nothing wrong with exploring how that could possibly impact his day to day life as an adult. i'll be pondering and writing about Hannibal's vulnerability until the day i croak.

hey so can we talk about how characters in fiction are not autonomous individuals, but tools crafted to explore themes and provoke emotional/intellectual responses?

and more specifically, maybe also include how reducing Hannibal's actions to mere "evil" obscures his symbolic role as a disruptor of societal norms?

and maybe, MAYBE (if we have time), then carry the conversation into how focusing solely on Hannibal's morality erases the show's intended commentary on human behavior, repression, and connection?

please?

Truly!!

Like how this session must've ended, and how Hannibal must've been feeling during it, knowing he'd been betrayed? That keeps me up at night. This is just an old fic idea I had, but:

Imagine if Hannibal had to fight back tears in the aftermath of this moment because he’d never experienced a betrayal quite like this—because he hadn’t gotten this close to anyone since he was a child—and he had finally let Will see a part of himself he’d never imagined he could share with anyone. He believed he’d been accepted up until now. My headcanon is he was punished for not being able to speak at the orphanage: beaten when he would be forced to try and speak; but no words would come out; only a weak rasp. Imagine if he struggled to continue the their conversation because a lump was forming in his throat and it felt too much like the strain of trying to speak as a mute child.

So he panicked (because muteness is something he hadn't struggled with in decades) and all he could do was whimper as Will—

I really wanna know what happened in Mizumono moments after Hannibal smelt Freddie’s perfume on Will. How did he end the visit? How did Will not notice a shift in the atmosphere with his empathy? Like come on, Willy boy—put that over-empathetic brain to work. 😩

And the dinner scene when Hannibal suggests they run away together, feed Will’s dogs, and leave a note for Alana—but Will doesn’t want to. I bet Hannibal was fighting back a sniffle and a tearful hiccup with each bite. You know that sore, sandpaper sensation in your throat when you’re about to burst into tears, but holding it back?

Imagine if while Hannibal was eating, he choked because his throat felt so raw and Will had to do the Heimlich maneuver on him—and it only worsened his emotional state because Will has been playing him and just witnessed him gasping for his life over a small chunk of lamb. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but Will believes it’s only a simple case of watery eyes. Then an ugly, voice-cracking sob bursts from Hannibal’s chest because Will is being so gentle with him—rubbing his back and asking if he’s all right (since he’s never nothing but elegance and grace 24/7)—and for the first time in decades his voice abandons him.

He hasn’t felt this off-kilter or this unlovable since he was in the orphanage—mute and alone—just waiting for someone to truly see him.

Will’s seen him—but he knows Will doesn’t want him as he is—who he’s always been. It’s a crushing blow. One he never thought he would have to experience because he never imagined meeting someone like Will.