Humans Are Weird

I love Humans are wierd, Humans are orcs, ect. I have read about humans breaking bones, and walking around as if nothing happened, or that some humans give birth.

But what i really really wanna read about, is some humans liking the same gender, all genders, or none of them at all, and having another gender identity than their sex assigned at birth, and more. And the aliens are so confused, but supportive because they realise they get a lot of hate and discrimination from some of the other humans in the spaceship

Istg if someone wrote about this

I will marry you /j

humans are space orcs

Like if standardization wasn't common in alien life, we just showed them how easy is it, if they just standardized things. It would be like-

Little human: We have to upgarde parts for spaceship thrusters

Alien: Ohh, little one, because your kind has only had FTL travel for 3 cycles you mustn't understand. A thruster from some other human ship wouldn't just PLUG into your space ship. You would have to find the exact same ship but with better thrusters, but oh, each thruster is especially made for the ship.

Little human: Each thruster isn't especially made for ships. we just have to find a thruster with a E20-1 plug because all human spaceships have a E20-1 port.

Alien: What?

Little human: Its really simple, ANY E20-1 plug fits into ANY E20-1 port

Alien: I know that ANY E20-1 plug fits into ANY E20-1 port, but ALL ships use the E20-1 port

Little human: Yeah

Alien: I-i-i still don't understand?

Little human: its standardized.

Ok so we all know about humans being deathworlds/space orcs as well as some people saying humans are space dogs or humans are space cats or humans are space fae.

My I present to to you...

Humans Are Space Badgers

I have no idea if this has bin done but humans are a lot like badgers and even though badgers don't pack bond they are tough little shits that no one real wants to mess with as, if you try and take one down you now damn well they are not leaving this world with out biting and scratching the hell out of you as much they can, and doing enough damage that it will have a lasting mark on you. You may live to tell the tail but you will never attack one again, and if you don't live well let's just say anybody who witnessed it will say they tore you limb from limb and sprawled your insides, out onto the ground. Also we can look very cute and fluffy.

I painted and drew shaggy with watercolour :)

I love watercolouring now

Alien: Human, has your species experimented with DNA and genetics?

Human: only recently, mostly trying to make hardier crops and cuter pets.

Alien: Oh, that would explain this? (Lifts up a ferret)

Human: Where did you get that.

Alien: It does not matter, but I am guessing your species made this?

Human: No, they are completely natural. They come from Europe and Africa.

Alien: *speaking to the ferret* Why would you need such a flexible body?

Human: Its their diet, they dig underground to find their prey, so they need their long, noodily body to fit.

Alien: Strange. I am guessing your dogs are the same, as in their diet causes changes.

Human: Nope, All the different species of dogs were caused by us.

Alien: Of course they were.

Thank you to everyone who got me to 250 likes!

Ayo

Thank u sm

I cant type my hands are numb

Help

I know I already posted one of these today but I just wanted to post again bc wtf.

Many of the best human runners can run about 124 miles. The record was 350. But we’re just gonna go with 124 for this post as that seem to be the more normal number for running athletes that don’t possess the rare genetic ability to rapidly accelerate the clearing of lactic acid in the muscles.

A deer can run 10 to 15 kilometers before collapsing thats about 6 to 9 miles.

It’s.. it’s absolutely insane to think about. I personally can’t even run for one mile (but I also have a lack of red blood that prevents me from circulating oxygen properly)

Imagine an alien asks a human about their hunting techniques and they’re just like “Jesus what the f-ck?”

“Human, you lack sharp teeth or claws, you can’t run fast, you’re not venomous and you’re not very strong. How did you manage to become apex predators? You didn’t always have weapons after all!”

“Uhhhh we ran em to death.”

“You what”

“Giddy up”

“WHAT”

*(playful) chasing ensues*

Master list

I drew zorugg, my favourite oc :)))

She also have a boyfriend that's called Dexan

They're in a platonic relationship :)))

Humans are weird

Cause of death: Old age

Imaging if Aliens don't age past like 50 or they figured out how to stop ageing. Like do you ever wonder if ageing is a universal thing?

Alien: Friend Human, I am fascinated by this Mozart musician. You say he performs with a live orchestra, do you reckon when will be his next?

Human: What...oh sorry, he died about a hundred years ago. I can find some bands who plays his music, if you want?

Alien: died? Was he fatally injured or... murdered?

Human: oh, no! As far as I know he died of old age.

Alien:...old age. You mean to say Humans die after a long time?

Humans: um, yeah? I mean why do you think we say 'YOLO' all the time?

Alien: Then how old do human's normally...pass away?

Human: We live, give or take, 80 years.

Aliens: JUST 80?! BUT THAT'S SO YOUNG! AND YOU'RE ALL SO RECKLESS!!

Human: Hey man...you only live once

Coothin burst into Human Sara's quarters, smacking the light tapper with xis upper left arm as soon as xe entered. "Human Sara! I know you enjoy seeing the new aliens and you are missing this arrival! The other humans are very exci--" "nnnhhggg shhh. Shhh." Human Sara remained in her sleeping-bay, arm pulled over her eyes. "No time for one of your 'naps'!" Xe reached out and tugged gently on Human Sara's arm with two of xis. "The other humans say they look like a cross between 'faeries' and 'jellyfish' and you must see them and also show me photos of those creatures!" Human Sara pulled herself to the edge of the sleeping bay and -- Coothin leapt backward as the human's stomach acid erupted onto the floor. Xe slammed the emergency button on xis communicator. It wasn't xis medical emergency button (unless xe had been splashed and it was even now burning through xis coverings), but xe couldn't reach Human Sara to press hers. The emergency system located xim and started blaring nearby alarms. Human Sara was keening now, an angry, pained moan as she curled into a a ball and clutched her pillow around her head.

Medics arrived equipped for the wrong species, and started to call for other supplies, when another human-who-hadn't-gone-to-the-new-species-docking came out of his room, squinting and covering his mouth like he, too, might eject acid. "Turn it off. Turn it OFF!" he demanded. The medics were already here, and disobeying an angry and insistent human seemed unwise. The alarms were turned off. The human slumped sweatily against his door frame. Those with acute hearing, if they hadn't been deafened by the alarms, could hear groans from elsewhere in the warren of human housing. "A bunch of us have migraines. Please fuck off. quietly. quietly fuck off," he mumbled, having apparently spent himself with his brief shouts. "What caused this? Do we need to quarantine the human sector??" It wouldn't be the first time. New rules had to keep being added about things the humans had to be screened for when returning from planetside.

"mi'en dlar kweshen." Coothin's translator could not parse the human's slurring and transmitted it directly, but the medics had more powerful systems for this sort of scenario. "no kwarteen. debrief la'er. Shhh..." He faded, staggering back into his quarters. ... A handful of medics-of-various-species and a handful of humans who had recovered first sat (or equivalent-ed) around a table. The humans did most of the talking among themselves. "Is there something we all ate?" "I didn't eat breakfast, I woke up too late for [religious seasonal meal, details sent to handheld]," said a woman whose garment extended over the top of her head. A strongly built human rolled his eyes. "Well I didn't eat dinner." He sat up straight, smug. "Intermittent fasting, you know." Several of the other humans rolled their eyes. "Okay, not food. Stress? I know me and Sara are doing some high-stress work, is everyone else's stuff going off the rails?" The alien medics looked at each other. What rails?

But the humans shook their heads. "Hormones? ...Ladies, at least?" More head-shaking. "Any changes to the cleaning chemicals?" They turned to the medics, who were not in charge of the cleaning robots but did have access to which chemicals were being used where. The medics answered in the negative.

"Everyone good on water? Though I dunno why we'd all get dehydrated at once. No atmospheric water emergencies, right?"

Again, something the medics kept track of. Or would find out about quickly as sick crewmates turned up. "No, atmospheric humidity constant. Well, up a little, in some sectors, for the Dre'mls, the new ones? They require higher humidity and less pressure so maintenance spent most of the day running reclaimers on null gasses, the ones that no-one breathes, so needs are still met but the percentages are all --"

"Wait, wait wait wait" -- humans were talking over eachother and the one with the garment banged her palm on the table to shush everyone. "There's been a drop in atmospheric pressure? Over some hours?"

None of the medic species liked the way the humans all had their eyes trained on them. "...yes? The Dre'mls are delicate--"

The humans tossed up their hands, some of them shouting. "Next time just vent it, oh my [human deity]. The sudden drop will make us all miserable for a few minutes, but we handle that going on and off planetside all the time. Don't drop it over HOURS; that means a storm is coming and it'll knock a bunch of us on our ass."

"... oh. That is... unique. It's rare for a species to sense it at all, if it's within survival parameters. If we encounter a species that requires higher pressure, should we --" "I think it matters less, but err on the side of caution and do it fast, yes."

"We will report this to maintenance and add it to the human files. Thank you all for your time; you may go." And it was added to the human files, under "health risks", that causing a fast pressure drop would cause widespread brief pain, but a slow pressure drop would cause concentrated, disabling pain for hours or days. It was also put under the secret "Arguments that species is secretly/unwittingly a hive mind despite denials" file.