Braad :-)

Harry du Bois dying in a glue trap

19 is such an unromantic age for spring. in winter it’s all well and good, it serves like an overcoat and scarf. it coats all embarrassment about who you are in a thick layer of frost and ennui- so what if i’m boring. winter serves as a modifier to the shame of being boring while young. it’s winter, i’m 19, light my cigarette about it. but in spring? and, god forbid, summer? it seems almost chaste, as a number. to be 18 in summer was monumental, a symbol of incredible, defining freedom, a maidenhead and a maiden voyage all at once, even if i knew as i was 18 that it was humiliating to be 18. but 19? in spring? that winter ennui is remaining even now that the frosts are melting. how horrifically embarrassing it is to be 19 in spring! hustler and virgin all in one. i don’t even like good music.

…….thinking about starting Fated but my god the amount of posts I’ve seen that talks about how many slurs are in there scares me

Haruhi Fujioka!

dude why is ander’s lore so acutely stupid. what do you mean he’s a

hundred and eighty-two

that’s not how nieces work.

let’s say, hypothetically, ander is a firstborn, and his parents have him at 18. when he’s 30, his parents are 48. let’s be generous and say they stop having kids at 50, and their last kid is velrisa’s dad. he grows up. let’s be generous and say he’s 30 (we see him in middle age in the clip with vel’s sister) when he has velrisa’s sister, and 35 or 40 by the time velrisa is born.

that would make ander 85-90 when velrisa is born. he promises to protect velrisa as long as he lives when she is three. that makes him 88-93 at the time she starts living with him. she is 19 at the start of the campaign- and nobody has any mentioned birthdays so let’s consider all ages static. they all were born on january 1st.

19-3 is 16, so our estimate for ander’s age becomes 101 to 106 at the time of canon. instead, he’s

a hundred and eighty two

and like. i get it. i do. bad storytelling? found in the bad storytelling place???? fork found in kitchen!!!! dick found in ass!!!!!! nobody is surprised!

but on like. a genuine level. i made the most liberal efforts possible to defend ander being

a hundred and eighty two

and it is just not making sense. like. he and vel’s dad are described as looking to be a similar age. he and vel’s dad have a close relationship soured by ander’s championship to the goddess. ander was crowned champion long before velrisa entered the picture and probably before her dad was even born. no fucking unborn baby is gonna have beef with one of their brothers finding spiritual fulfillment.

we can infer the rest of the family doesn’t have beef with it, as ander was close enough to the rest of his family to have context on velrisa’s life and curse. why the fuck is he

a hundred and eighty two.

Tamaharu

Artist Joodles

old art i never put anywhere but discord!

THE MOTHERS! this is miriam ofc and what i think taxis mom would look like!! shes very cutie patootie

i do not think name was ever mentioned so,, i suggest, tabaxi clan name autumn remedy (autumn)

and i love them both and they are talking together where ever they are

writing (bad start) american psycho (plot twist) fanfic (familiar ending)

a velrisa i made today !

more diaryposts because gxd is dead and this is my internet

i think maybe i am not afraid of love. i am afraid of the way i learned it. i am not afraid of parenthood- i want to be a father more than anything. i am afraid of the way i learned it. i am not afraid of boys. i am afraid of the way i learned to be one, to love one.

i spend my pocket money on liquor and show tickets and inhalants. i do not cut my hair. i wear ridiculous outfits and watch dirty movies i was not allowed to as a child. i am alive, alive, alive. i am living. i do not have to be liked. i do not have to be good. i do my best to be kind. it is enough.

i think he is good enough. i think i am good enough.

maybe it’ll all be good enough.

maybe it won’t be and i’ll be thirty. maybe is not enough. you cannot build a life on a maybe. you cannot rule beyond reasonable doubt when working with a maybe. you have to sit with it, and let it decide. a maybe is only a maybe for a time. sooner or later, it becomes a choice. a choice is good enough to build on, to carve into a life, to forge into a future.

what is enough is my gentleness. gentleness and goodness are two brothers, cut of the same cloth, but one of them is a god and one of them is a man. i am a boy. i am becoming a man. i have to make myself reach for the man, not the god. there is no sin in gentleness. i do not need godhood. this, here, now, is enough. gentleness is enough.