Daminette Headcanon #??

Red Robin: -and that’s that losers.

Chat: [walks in] hey batfam! what’s poppin’?

Spoiler: hey chat! red robin was just bragging about his body count.

Chat: [pauses] like partners or…?

Spoiler: murder

Chat: [oddly brightens up and addresses red robin] oh! so what’s your number?

Red Robin: [shrugs] a few hundreds

Chat: like in one go?

Red Robin: …uh yeah- why are you being so casual about this???

Chat: well with the miraculous cure and all that, almost everyone in the court has ended a life somehow.

Red Hood: well, don’t hold back on my account. spill.

Chat: i know viperion had to remove certain variables to succeed in time loops. maybe a few hundreds for him too?

Signal: it’s always the quiet ones, huh?

Chat: oh yeah! the dragon miraculous is our aoe damage dealer. i don’t think most of the victims recovered after being hit by a bolt of lightning. huh, i always wondered why she always used that one.

Signal: …well, there’s no way my dude carapace could have done damage- he’s like your tank or something, right?

Chat: …

Signal: …. right?

Chat: his shield can shrink….

Signal: ….

Chat: … people inside don’t shrink with it

Signal: jesus

Nightwing: oh, do you! do you!

Chat: [suddenly sheepish] well…

Nightwing: ?? well???

Chat: there was this deleted timeline where i became akumatized and drowned all of paris.

Nightwing: holy shit- that’s like what? millions?

Red Robin: 2 million. damn, are you okay?

Chat: mhmm! ladybug made us all go to therapy.

Robin: … what about her?

Chat: oh! oh. oh….

Red Hood: ???? don’t tell me that tiny thing did more damage than you did! isn’t she like creation and shit??

Chat: no! actually when you think about it, ladybug would be on the same estimate as viperion.

Red Hood: oh, thank fuck!

Chat: multimouse has me beat though.

Red Hood: who??? and how???

Red Robin: [pulls out computer from who knows where] marinette dupain-cheng. temporary hero. was outed in battle-

Spoiler: -oooh pretty-

Red Robin: -powers: dividing into smaller copies, retains original strength. what did she do?????

Chat: it’s not in there but each copy can merge with another miraculous. i think the story goes is that she wore all the miraculous in the mother box and destroyed 3 galaxies including ours.

Everyone: …….

Ladybug: [walks in] hello, everyone! [realizes the tension] errm, what’s wrong?

Robin: [without skipping a beat] is it wise to keep marinette dupain-cheng alive?

Ladybug: [is marinette but they don’t know that] ?????????!!!!!!!!

thought of this after reading that tim freaked out after bruce “died” and blew up a lot of people

Gala season at Wayne Manor

At first Jason couldn’t tell what was so wrong about what was happening, Bruce had brought him, Dick and Tim back to living in the manor, for a few weeks he said, a new villain he said.

Then all the boys got their measurements updated, the uniforms need updating he said, “Oh dear boys, still growing I see.” Alfred said.

Then a weirdly big number of workers started frequenting the manor.

Alfred: Oh master Jason don’t be so paranoid, we only need to spruce up these dusty old halls.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tim: So what you guys think got B so worried all of the sudden, can’t find anything on the database, seems pretty secretive…even for him.

Jason: I don’t know, but isn’t it weird how we haven’t heard of this new villain yet? You’d think the asshole would make a grand entrance.

Dick: Don’t be so paranoid Jason, you know dad wouldn’t dance around the issue….

In horror all pieces fell into place, wings of the manor being open, things being “spruced up” and the new tuxedos all the boys got.

Jason: We need to leave NOW.

*Bruce slow clapping in the background*

Bruce: So you’ve finally figured it out, it is gala season and we are going to be a happy family. Also don’t bother trying to escape, Damian had to learn the hard way…

Alfred enters the room with Damian trapped Hannibal style in a tux.

Damian: DON’T SAVE YOURSELVES TAKE ME WITH YOU.

This is hilarious

my friends bullied me into making this. and then they bullied me into posting it. im sorry

Daminette School AU Quotes

Lila: You know Marinette, it’s such a shame no one likes you, you’re actually quite useful when you know your place.

Marinette: (sighing) Lila, the bar for civility is so low it’s practically a tripping hazard in hell, yet here you are, limbo dancing with the devil.

Lila: (smiling falsely) If you say something like that again, I’ll “trip” you out of that window you- What are you doing?

Marinette: (looking at the window) Checking how high the drop is, see if it’s worth it.

Damian: (sitting behind them on his phone, not looking up) Most humans can survive a two story fall, Dupain-Cheng. You’ll be fine.

Marinette: Aww, Lila wouldn’t make it then?

Lila: (fuming) Excuse me!?

Marinette: He said humans, and since you’ve clearly escaped from hell you’ll probably just shatter into a thousand pieces and reform there.

Damian: (under his breath) The devil doesn’t want her back.

🖤💜❤️

Mariette: And, in the end we're all human beans.

Tim: And together we will rice.

Jason: Lettuce pray.

Marinette: Ramen.

Dick: *wiping away his tears while clapping* That was beautiful!

Damian: What did I just witness?

"We hope this email finds you well" babe, the only emails I'm excited to get is the ones from Archive of Our Own

I’m also anti-pit madness! What’s your reason? I’m not a fan of it because it isn’t canon and I find it triggering because it’s often used as an excuse for characters *cough cough* Jason *cough cough* to behave abusively without any repercussions.

for the me it's mainly because it takes away the character's agency and accountability.

all the bad things they did, the change/development of their character - whoosh! explained away by "oh they were being strongly influenced / they were temporarily insane & out of control it wasn't their fault <3". it reduces the situation/events/character to a mindset where it simply couldn't be helped.

like no!!! they were in control!!! they made those decisions!!! they're the way they are now not because of the pit, but because they've gone through life events and come out changed!!!

to get specific with Jason (bc we all know that's who this is about):

Jason becoming a crimelord, killing lots of people, and nearly killing his family was FULLY premeditated. Jason is wicked smart. you better believe he thought that shit out down to the letter before acting.

was he incredibly angry? yeah. was his character suddenly drastically different than who he was when he died? yeah. BECAUSE HE DIED AND CAME BACK, THEN LIVED FIVE WHOLE YEARS AWAY FROM GOTHAM. OF COURSE HE'S FUCKED UP. HE'S NEVER GONNA BE THE SAME AGAIN AND THAT'S THE POINT.

'pit madness' completely takes away the impact of that. and even if pit madness was canon, you're telling me that in those five years of training and travel etc he STILL had zero control over it? c'mon.

i'm just... i hate it when fucked up events and actions are "fixed" by a borderline deus ex machina like pit madness. not only does it put everyone else in a bad position and often forces them into a corner of guilt "we should have known, i'm sorry we didn't see it, we still love you, no no you don't need to apologize we get it" - it takes the pit-dipped character and makes them kinda pathetic, honestly.

suddenly, despite their development (please note that development does Not equal positive growth), they're backtracking right to where they started. they have to grovel for forgiveness. they've got that "ough im unforgivable, im out of control, it would be better if i stayed away even though i wish i could go home" self pity

and again talking about jason specifically: whenever i read a fic where all he wants is to go home but thinks he can't, i roll my eyes. if he wanted to 'go home', he'd be having tea with Alfred every sunday. Bruce and the others would not be able to stop him. he would not give up his guns for fuckin ANYONE, and especially not Bruce.

and would you look at that - most fics i read where he's given up his guns also has pit madness. and guess what - in those, he gives up his guns because of the pit madness, because it, say it with me, ~made him kill people~.

actions have consequences. people change, often in an unpleasant direction. pit madness spits in the face of that and i hate it.

okay something I was thinking about yesterday was how Tomoe clearly wants Kagami and Adrien to be together because of status, right? Adrien is an adequate match for Kagami in terms of wealth and upraising?

I simply think it would be really funny if Kagami chose to date Felix instead and Tomoe couldn't even be mad because Felix is, if anything, more adequate than Adrien - more money, more status, he's even lined up for lordship in Britain. And he's a gentleman, too - he only does what is expected of him socially.

And she hates him so much but there's nothing she can do, no argument she can make, because he's - on every tangible level - perfect, just really really fucking annoying.