Writing Prompt - MLB X DC

I so see this happening

I just know Jason is so fed up with the rest of the Batfam not knowing how much of a shitbag Dick was when he was a teenager. I know this man looks like a complete nutcase when he tries to convince Tim or Damian that Dick had his asshole phase, too. Don’t believe his fucking golden boy, depressed, running on fumes, burnt out, “I’d give everything and then some for the good of the world” act. He’s a lying liar that lies. It’s ALL lies.

Mr. Professional Older Brother was a goddamn menace to society, and Jason Todd is gonna PROVE IT, DAMNIT.

“I know what you are,” says Jason.

“Lol,” says Dick. “Lmao.”

Another Miraculous Crossover Nobody Wanted (DCxML)

In the midst of so many Batfamily/Miraculous crossovers, the thing I feel so many people forget is that the Waynes are...well...themselves.

Sure, they're awesome vigilantes. Trained in martial arts and with great mental fortitude to help them against the likes of Scarecrow's fear gas, Joker's venom, and Mad Hatter's manipulations.

...the problem is that Hawk Moth is a whole different ballgame.

He doesn't target their fears or dreams. He targets ANYTHING. Like petty annoyances. Frustrations. Sleep deprivation. Obsessions. Things the Batfamily generally try to ignore on a regular basis.

If he can akumatize and reakumatize the same man over his love of pigeons and people who feel they've been wronged over silly reasons, there's SO MUCH that could come from the complete dysfunction/emotional constipation that is the Wayne family. Remember, ANY frustration or annoyance or upset counts. 

Meaning Ladybug and Chat will be having their hands full with the Waynes until they leave.

And given that Hawk Moth comes up with the silliest costumes and powers...

...the others would never let them live it down.

...

It was a beautiful day in Paris. And an absolutely wonderful vacation to the City of Love, where everything was peaceful and nothing was wrong.

Dick stood at the window looking out over the city.

Tim was on his computer doing some reports. Possibly Wayne Enterprises work, but more likely mission work.

Damien had apparently gotten tired of grumbling and was focused on sharpening his sword—which Bruce really shouldn’t have let him bring. But given the situation, he couldn’t argue against letting Damien have something that would help him stay calm.

Cass had found a magazine to occupy her time, though she seemed somewhat confused as to the male teen model that kept appearing in nearly every line.

And Jason…

…he was grinning. And watching Bruce with such anticipation, looking downright hopeful as he waited. Not helping was that he was holding what appeared to be a brand new camera, fully prepared to start recording.

Bruce knew why.

But he would not give him the satisfaction.

Because nothing was going to happen.

Absolutely nothing.

Bruce twitched.

SNAP!

And his pen cracked from the sheer amount of pressure he was putting on it. Which was admittedly an annoyance, but wasn’t that big of a deal…

…if it wasn’t the 15th pen he’d broken in the past three hours.

It was fine though.

Nothing was wrong.

He was calm.

Calm.

Calm.

A muffled voice could be heard from outside despite the room being on the seventh floor of a building. Which of course was a coincidence and not because someone was actually right outside the room….and the building.

And perhaps if Bruce tried really hard, he could convince himself was just someone singing a line out of “American Pie” and not someone talking about butterflies.

No.

Because there were no butterflies outside. Because he was fine!

Not the slightest bit upset!

At. All.

“That’s thirty-three…” Dick counted.

…

…

…

…Dammit.

Bruce sighed.

“Did she come back to the roof?”

“Actually, she never left.” Tim confirmed, not even looking up from his computer. “She stopped leaving after the last incident and has just been standing there for the past couple hours now, catching them as they come.”

A long pause.

“How…?”

“Her partner has been bringing her water and snacks. And keeping watch whenever she has to leave to hibernate or use the little bug’s room.”

Bruce groaned.

Why couldn’t it be a villain? Or a fan or stalker? He could deal with those. He dealt with them all the time.

It was the well intentioned young superheroes that he had a harder time dealing with. The ones that wanted to help but were misguided in not understanding that their help wasn’t necessary.

“Gotcha!”

“Thirty-four.” Dick droned.

…no matter how many magical butterflies implied otherwise.

“Maybe we should do what the nice Ladybug hero asked and finish up our business in Paris?” Tim suggested.

“I refuse!” Damien shouted, jumping to his feet. “This villain has made a mockery of us and it must not be allowed to stand! I will not leave until he has been caught and my sword has tasted his blood!”

“Damien, we don’t kill, remember?”

“I wouldn’t kill him.” Damien said, looking away with a pout. “Just…dismember him a bit.” He frowned, consideringly. “Maybe cut off his arms. He can’t continue villainy then, right?”

Tim sighed.

“So that’s a no on going home early then.”

They heard a noise from the roof.

“Is she leaving?” Bruce asked, trying to hide how hopeful he was.

“Nope. It’s her catboyfriend back again.” Dick replied, blithely.

Bruce sighed.

“Do you think they’re dating?”

“Dick.” Bruce warned.

“Because the city seems to be really hamming up the romantic angle between the two and it’s kinda hard to not see.” Dick continued. 

“Dick.”

“Even if it is kinda weird that they’re essentially shipping teenagers.”

“Speaking from experience there, Dickie Boy?” Jason cut in, cheekily.

“Stop it. Both of you.” Bruce ordered. “The goal of coming to Paris was supposed to be to deal with the emotional terrorism from Hawk Moth.”

“A little hard with all your emotional constipation there, B.”

Jason smirked.

“Or should I say ‘Justice Man’?”

Bruce twitched.

Murder is question and the answer is yes.

Wisdom I learned from either memes or ao3

They're definitely going for Lila first.

Hey Google what the fuck was that

desperate for a tv show filmed like modern family or the kardashians of the batfam, titled “watch out for the waynes” or something like that.

bruce signed for the limited series to keep up appearances.

dick acts like a love island contestant.

damian is only ever in the corner of shots, staring into the soul of the cameraman.

cass, similarly, does not contribute much, but looks to the camera like she’s in modern family whenever shit happens.

tim finds every way to be the last laugh, the one-liner guy, the “unexpected, effortless, fan favourite™️”.

duke frequents the interview room.

jason sends subtextual messages to the audience through the books he’s seen reading in a scene:

bruce and tim are having a tiff about who’s idea is better while jason’s reading “the metamorphoses - book iii 339-358” (narcissus).

everyone’s having a grand old time at a gala while jason’s at a table reading “vile bodies”.

damian’s in a mood and nobody’s picked up on it yet while jason is seen reading “american psycho”.

nobody can find steph and tim and jason’s sat literally reading the back of a “dazed and confused” dvd to get his point across.

What do you mean the latest villain in Nightwing’s solo was in the audience the night Dick’s parents died? Is there anyone in the DC’s universe that was NOT at this show?

damien doesn't even like caprisuns

Give me more tired boi Bruce Wayne!

His sleep schedule must be absolutely fucked. My mom worked nights for years and even now that she hasn't been for over four years, she's still basically nocturnal. So Bruce 'Running around as a bat at night' Wayne has no hope.

I want constantly tired Bruce. A tiredness that no coffee or stimulant will fix. A tiredness that comes with trying to solve every problem around you by yourself for years.

The family is eating breakfast? Bruce has his head down on the table asleep while everyone else is chatting. Cass covers his food for him to eat later.

At a board meeting? Everyone else thinks he's wearing shades indoors to be pretentious but Tim knows that it's to hide the fact that he's conked out.

There's a gala on? People wonder where Bruce Wayne has disappeared to, if he's taken some pretty girl (or guy) back to a room to show her a good time. In reality, Dick saw him nearly topple over while talking to someone so he swooped in and led Bruce to a back room for him to nap.

That's why Batman is rarely seen during the day. Not because he doesn't want to be but because he just cannot function whatsoever due to his exhaustion.

It makes him feel a bit bad cause he wants to spend more time with his kids outside of the cowl. He wants to go to more petting zoos with Damian, do more puzzles with Duke and have more cooking lessons with Jason.

He tries his best but all the batkids can tell he's genuinely exhausted. They cover him with blankets when they catch him napping in random places. They try and be a bit quieter when he's asleep. Y'know just make things a little easier.

And while some of them will deny it (read: Jason) their favourite activity to do with their Dad is all cuddling up and taking a nap together.

cough cough @bruciemilf

Thesis statement: 

  Batman is the Worlds Greatest Detective and thus is excellent at discovering facts about people; he however is far from the worlds best manipulator, but doesn’t realize this, mistaking his knowledge of a person for having the ability to use it effectively. Or in other words, Batman is not actually very good at mind games. Why do I say this? Well, lets look at Bruce’s relationships with some of his wards/apprentices or loved one’s, people who admire him, love him and whom he raised or taught. Surely of all the people in the world he would be able to get to do what he wants it would be them right? Wrong. Alfred literally quits his job several times and bails when Bruce is being too difficult to put up with for good or ill and Bruce never seems to know how to get him back or even notice a problem is mounting. Bruce raised Dick Grayson and was potentially at his kindest and most stable with him and Jason, yet despite that there was a several year long period where they constantly fought and barely talked and Bruce could not only not get his former ward to do what Bruce thought was best, but to listen to him at all. Similarly, when it came to how Jason’s trauma manifested as he grew older, while Bruce sympathized at times, he rarely seemed to actually know what to do and was often left playing catch up to Jason’s thoughts and feelings processes and the less said about how poorly they communicate as adults the better. Now for a double header, his relationship with Tim on paper seems OK, but leaning back on that ‘mind game’ thing I mentioned before. When Bruce decided it was time Stephanie learn at least some identities, he arranged the whole thing in secret, damaging her and Tim’s relationship with each other and him. Somehow this result flummoxed Bruce and he seemed apologetic… But also refused to actually do anything about it like change his behaviors. His handling of Stephanie in general is among the other better left unsaid things, because ’wow’. His relationship with Cass in the Batgirl 2000 comics is kind of a mixed bag, but she also thinks the world of him and is the most psychologically similar to him and even then I’d give him fifty fifty at best. Though his whole 'making Cass give up Batgirl’ thing was also poorly planned out given it mostly just upset and confused everybody involved and only worked out because it was either adapt or die. Long story short, if Bruce is incapable of using his intimate and generally positive relationships and insights on the people closest to him to get the results he wants…. Why on Earth would I think him capable of manipulating his various enemies?

Robin!Jason: Okay, let's go put a bullet in Joker's head.

Batman: No, if we kill him we're no better than he is. If we kill him, he wins.

Robin! Jason: Yeah. Except we are better than he is, and he doesn't win. He doesn't anything. He's dead. That's the point.