I So See This Happening

Guess I'm the burgler for 13 dwarfs off to the Lonely Mountain i go

My most referenced meme is actually this sign from a furniture store's going out of business sale in my hometown.

At GCPD after a very busy night where Batman brought in like all of his Rouges, bringing Red Hood there (to show him a lesson, he'll break him out later and bring him home)

Batman, handing Red Hood a little cup: Here's some water.

Red Hood: Thanks, dad.

Red Hood, looks over to see all the other villains went quiet and are staring at him: Why is everyone staring at me?

Riddler: You just called Batman "dad."

2 Face: You said, "thanks, dad."

Red Hood; What? No, I didn't. I said, "thanks, man."

Professor Strange: *furiously taking notes*

Batman, knowing it's Jason but genuinely didn't think Jason thought of him as his father: Do you see me as a father figure, J-Red Hood?

*The other rouges not knowing it's Jason and that he's Batman's son, they just think he has an issue with authority stemming from his parents that he is projecting onto Batman*

(Joker, muttering to himself: Man, not even I'm that psychotic)

Red Hood, looking around at all the other villains then back to Batman: No. If anything, I see you as a "bother" figure, 'cause you're always bothering me.

Bane: Hey, show your father some respect.

damian : [creeping behind jason to stab him]

jason, loudly : I hope no one is about to attack me from behind because I'm thinking about making cookies later.

damian pausing :

damian : ...what kind?

my friend and i realized Jason probably has had to make a list of things he missed while he was dead Steve Rogers style so obviously I had to make this, enjoy

And here’s the empty one in case anyone wants to make their own lmao

I saw a post where everyone in the batfam had adopted the airhead Brucie Wayne cover except for Damian and of course Alfred. So I wanted to add to the pile. :)

All of them are sitting in a restaurant

Brucie: … wait this has a little label for vegetarian on it but it doesn’t have any meat in it. I think you forgot to label it vegan!

Waiter: … this has whipped cream, eggs and milk in it sir.

Dick: Wait whipped cream isn’t vegan?!?

Jason: No, I’m pretty sure it is.

Dick: well if it isn’t I messed up my vegan challenge week and nobody told me!

Tim: can’t we just pay someone to find out if whipped cream is vegan?

Brucie: Good idea! [Takes out $100 bill and hands it to the waiter] Is whipped cream vegan?

Waiter: uhh

Damian: PLEASE STOP! NONE OF YOU HAVE DIETARY RESTRICTIONS! WHY DID THIS BECOME A DEBATE?

Dick: that’s not true I’m a pescatarian now! I really miss eating fish but it’s worth it!

Damian with head in hands: that’s not what- ugh forget it!

The waiter now confirms to everyone that they come across that Damian Wayne is indeed the holder of the Wayne Family Braincell.

Tabloids dub this conversation the dessert debate. It becomes a trend to ask what Bruce thinks is vegan during interviews.

for the fic title game, 'you're the ghost of your predecessors'?

OKAY so I know a lot of people will be thinking like Tim or Damian for this one, and I get it. I get it. But Steph. Fic with Steph focusing on her sense of identity and how it's always been tied so closely to other people. First, her father, as Spoiler. Next, as Robin, everyone that came before her—Dick, Jason, Tim. Wanting so desperately to be her own Robin—good like they were, but in her own way, but at every turn she was condescended to, compared, disrespected, and just couldn't be her own Robin.

Then there was Batgirl, and Batgirl was a breath of fresh air. Batgirl wasn't under Bruce’s jurisdiction any more than Oracle was—Batgirl wasn't Robin. But, but, but. As Batgirl, she had to be as smart as Babs, as strong as Cass, and as kind as the both of them. As Batgirl, the load to be as good as her predecessors was one she put on herself, to prove their trust in her wasn't misplaced or misguided. Another mantle, more legacies to uphold.

Then, fast forward a bit, and she's Spoiler again. And Spoiler was created to spoil her father's plots and get him in jail, but, well, he's been in jail for around three years now, and with the strings she's sure were tugged, he's not getting out any time soon. And, she- Spoiler is hers. Nobody's but hers. And she doesn't know how to feel about having a title that's just hers.

She's still got the weight of Robin and Batgirl on her shoulders, but maybe this is one she doesn't mind bearing. She's a ghost of her predecessors, but it doesn't sound so negative now. Maybe she can live with that.

She's a reflection of everyone that's come before her, and that isn't too bad. Dick's determination, Jason’s compassion, Tim's crazy-smart kindness, Cass' strength, Babs' intelligence. Bruce’s paranoia.

Damian has your bravery, Tim tells her once, and she almost breaks down sobbing. She can be a ghost of her predecessors, if that means those that come after her will be a ghost of her too.

I used to be torn between Damian being like 5’4 forever or becoming tall like his mom and dad, but now I’m obsessed with the idea of him just suddenly sprouting to 6’5 (195) at the age of 16, surpassing his entire family by miles, but all of his friends are somehow even taller than him. Jon is 6’7, Colin is 6’6, Billy is 7’ (213) when he’s Captain Marvel. They still call him short at every opportunity, and it pisses him off almost as much as the realization that he’s also tall enough for most of daily life to now be a general nuisance.

He has to crouch to fit under shower-heads. Most door frames are a walking hazard. He gets smacked in the face with tree branches. His clothes never fit right. He has to contort himself every time Tim drives the Batmobile before him and forgets to adjust the seat back. He needs to eat SO MUCH all the the time. His feet stick off the bed. His knees don’t fit under tables. He’s still a master of stealth, but now he can’t fit through vents, and it is so fucking annoying that he regrets ever wanting to be tall and wishes he was 4’11 again.

Bernard: wait, how many siblings do you have?

Tim: Hmm? Oh, five, officially.

Bernard: Okay, so...that's Dick, Duke and Damian. And Cassandra, though I'm convinced she's a cryptid. Who am I missing?

Tim: *slow, dawning horror that Jason is meant to be dead, that they never officially met, and Bernard will almost certainly make this into a conspiracy*

Tim:...

Tim: I meant to say four.

Bruce’s core Issues with his Children/Child-Apprentices

This will be going in age and highlighting what I feel is sort of the core source of tension between Bruce and his various ‘kids’, it’s not exhaustive, but it covers the biggest glowing red spot I feel, now, from oldest to youngest! 

Dick: Dick is the favorite, but this basically just means he gets picked for the toughest battles, is held tot he most insanely high standard and is otherwise the one Bruce leans on the most and that is a crushing weight. 

Cassandra:  Cass is the one he projects onto, this means they get along, but also means he’s constantly undermining her physical and mental health & making her life worse because its what he does to himself and won’t let her be her own person. 

Jason:  Jason, be he alive, dead or ressurected is probably the one Bruce is most comfortable loving, but understands the absolute least, no matter his state he does not know what Jason needs, was, or will do at any given moment. 

Stephanie:  Steph isn’t his kid but he made her Robin; I’d say he is very fond of her, but that he ultimately resents her more than any of the others, because she reminds him of Jason, because she won’t yield and that this motivates his abuse of her. 

Timothy:  Tim is the one he identifies with most, not projects onto, not the favorite, but the one who he looks at and goes, “Oh its me”, likely cos of their similar class, which causes him to try and make Tim more like him at Tim’s expense. 

Duke:  Duke is tricky cos I don’t know of any major fallout between them, but based on what I’ve read I would say he puts perhaps the most pressure on Duke, he ‘sees great things in him’ and so piles on the expectations till the breaking point. 

Damian:  This was hard for the source of it is simple, I honestly feel Damien is the one he is the least invested or connected with. He’ll acknowledge Damien as his son, but he won’t put any real effort into the relationship unless its impacting him.