70% Of The Time Tim Drake Is One Of The Greatest Liars On The Planet, Even Able To Trick Batman

batfamily twitter but it’s tim drake being a rapscallion

Maribat AU where Robin gets kidnapped and ends up getting free about a week later but is In Paris doing a akuma attack and thinks the whole thing is a drunk induced dream.

This means that Robin is just going abselutly creazy and fighting and jumping of buildings and acting as if nothing can hurt him as he thinks it’s a dream.

And then we have ladybug who finds this hero on her home turf, acting absolutely crazy and kicking ass while doing it.

And bc Robin doesn’t think this is real anyway her flirts with her the whole time, but in a fun way.

This goes on for a while (it’s a long battle and Chat is nowhere to find (Adrian got killed early in the attack) (the miraculous cure will bring him back Don’t worry)) and then at one point robin does get hurt, and finally realize that like, shit this is not a dream.

And ladybug is like, I freaking wish it was a dream dude I have to fight this shit every second day.

Anyway, they have a angsts conversation and ladybug comes with a absolutely crazy battle plan that just leaves robin sitting there like??? I have had military levels strategy classes since I was 10 how tf did you make this plan?? And ladybug is like, it’s gonna work, trust me. And robin is like, bet.

(They do actually bet a date )

No surprise for anyone but robin, ladybugs plan works. And they win the battle and all is great + they have a icecream date at the lovers icecream place thingy.

( + a scene where Robin is like??? Why are shops still open y’all were just attacked, and ladybug is like, we do this everyday & we don’t have enough fucks left to give about this butterfly furry to shut down the stores everytime)

And then Robin has to go home and Ladybug gives him a lift with the butterfly miraculous.

(Droppes him of at the manor going “I found your birdy” and then winks at Robin and hearts away. That batfam is just there like???? The fucj just happened also are you okay?)

And then after that robin and Ladybug keep in contact over comes and do date night in each other’s city’s for a few months before something really dumb reveals their identities.

Jason: Kid we need you to-

Jason:

Jason: Are you making Sims of the entire family?

Damian: Yes, I'm also going to recreate Wayne Manor to house them all. Do you want to join me?

Jason: Scooch over I have an idea for one of Dick's outfits

Damian the Dog

Inspired by Grumpy Cat, written by @adrestar

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So what if Marinette moved to Gotham Academy, probably because of Lila bullshit or Guardian Duties.

She is mostly alone so she get a dog who she named Damian.

I actually look up on what type of dog she would have because I don't have a lot of knowledge on dogs. I wanted a small cute black dog. I am going with a Pomeranian or a Scottish Terrier.

It's all fine and going dandy. When one day, Damian overhears the new girl talking about him.

Marinette of course has zero interest in celebrities so she has no clue she is in the same class as Damian Wayne. Her classmates asked if she had any pets so she starts talking about her cute little Dami and showing off pictures of him.

"Look at my Dami. Isn't he adorable?" Marinette cooed, "I just love running my hands through those thick black luscious hair."

Damian gets the idea that Marinette is a stalker or a fangirl who is deluded herself into thinking she is dating him but brushes her off as mostly harmless. He can correct her at any time she steps out of the line.

Let the misunderstandings commence!

Fast forward the next few days, where Marinette keeps talking about her dog and no one has clued her in on the fact that there is a human with the same name as her dog going to classes with her.

Human Damian thinks she has very active imagination, going as far as to fake bite marks on her arms after a supposed passionate embrace.

(Damian the Dog is still being trained. Idk abt raising dogs so I hope I am right.)

The weekend arrive and Damian is at the dog park with Titus. Then he heard the insufferable voice calling out for him,

"Damian. Where are you? Come out. Damian. Dami."

He hid himself for a while, hoping she will give up sooner or later. But no, she keeps coming closer to the spot where he was hiding and calling out his name. Then, Titus blew his cover by coming back with the ball he was sent to fetch.

Thinking he had no choice but to reveal himself, he burst out of the bushes, scaring Marinette.

Meanwhile, Marinette was at the dog park to let Damian out of the apartment and get some exercise. She was kept an eye on him as he ran around but after a phone call from Jagged Stone for a new jacket, she had lost sight of her dog.

Then, while she looked for Damian the dog, someone jumped out of the bushes, giving her a scarce.

She realised that he was a boy from her classes and before she could ask if he had seen her dog, he began yelling at her.

"Listen up, harlot. Get out of your delusional fantasies of dating me and leave me alone." He yelled at a very confused Marinette. Human Damian continued to threaten her with lawsuits on the grounds of stalking, defamation and false claims.

Marinette gets fucking pissed at what the rude guy was yelling at her for no reasons but before she could retort, he stomped away with his dog trailing behind him.

"Come on, Titus. We don't have spend more time with this waste of space."

Marinette is so furious that if she was in Paris, she would have been akumatised for sure. She decided to calm down and go look for Damian, not the human. Arriving at home, she found a lawyer waiting for her and they handed her a thick files of all the charges she was being sued for. It was official she had met someone worse than the Chloe Bourgeosis.

So Marinette decides to stress bake about the problem. Ultimately, she made too much and decided to give away some to her next door neighbour, Jason.

Marinette had been living in Gotham for about a month and Jason knows about her habit to stress bake. They first met when Jason accidentally snuck up on her and she judo-flipped him who was 3 times bigger than her. Jason is impressed and Marinette is mortified. They became friends. Jason cooks her meals sometimes and she bake him desserts. It was a fair trade.

Anyway, Jason asks about her problem and Marinette starts a rant about this rich entitled dick she met who was from her class and she had coincidentally met him at the dog park while looking for Damian. Then, he called her a bunch of insults and names, accused her of stalking him and he had sent lawsuits to her address. Which was bad because she had her business as MDC to consider and this will affect her income.

While ranting, Marinette saw Jason's law degree which he had displayed, partially for his cover as a normal civi but mostly to brag to his siblings about being the only one who graduated from college and law school and rub it in Bruce's face. (We all seen the Jason became a lawyer to get Joker a death sentence post right? So Joker is dead here.)

"Can you be my lawyer? Or can you recommend me one? I promise I can pay you."

Jason patted her head, "Pixie, I will do this for free. I don't know which prick decided to mess with you but I will make him pay. Besides, I can't stand guys like that. You are actually doing me a bit of a favor to knock someone like that down a few pegs. Legally."

Marinette insisted to pay him but Jason compromised to get a cake for an entire month instead for taking the job.

When Jason looked through the papers, he noticed it was from the Wayne Family Lawyers so he decided to go to the Manor to get to the bottom of it. Jason arrived in the middle of Damian on a warpath.

He asked Tim who was the closest and furiously typing on his laptop about what is going on with Damian.

Tim answered, "Apparently there's this girl who is stalking Damian. She claimed to be dating him at school and she showed up while he was out with Titus, looking for him. Right now, I am just checking if she is just delusional and harmless or someone dangerous."

Jason connects the dots between Dog Damian and Human Damian and he tried not to burst out laughing right then and there. "That's good to hear. Anyways, I came here because I forgot something. I am going to see Alfred before I go. Have fun with the lawsuits."

Jason spent the rest of the way home, cackling and the funniest way to win the case.

On the day of the court date,

The rest of the Waynes are surprised to see Jason there in a suit. Dick was understandable, Tim was just there to make sure it goes smoothly, Bruce is also reasonable, Damian is the 'victim'.

"Todd, why are you here?"

"You'll see."

Then, they started telling people to enter before they could get more answers. They soon found out that Jason was the lawyer for the other side.

"Todd, you traitor. How dare you work for the opposition!"

Marinette had arrived with a pet carrier with a dog which Damian claimed was to appeal to his animal lover side.

blah blah blah. Legal procession. I don't know how it goes.

Anyways, it is time for Marinette's defense.

"Your honor, I would like to present evidence which proved that my cilent is innocent in all the charges the plaintiff has accused her of."

"Proceed."

Jason brought out the pet carrier and took out Dog Damian.

"Your honor, this is my client's dog. She was gifted this dog before she moved here to Gotham. I have the receipts to prove this."

"What is the point of this?"

Jason dramatically held up the adorable fluffy black dog which looked like a doll in his hands, "Your honor, the dog's name is Damian." Jason claimed while staring straight at Human Damian.

Dog Damian woofed at the sound of his name. There was a shocked silence that followed.

Jason proceed to give more evidence that yes, the dog name is actually Damian like giving commands using his name and adoption certificate to get rid of any doubt.

"He claimed to have heard her talking about her dating but what were the actual words you heard her say?"

"That I am adorable and she likes running her fingers through my soft dark hair."

"Your honor, my cilent was actually bragging about how cute her dog is and how she likes petting Damian the dog's obviously black fur. And you also claimed that she stalked you to the dog park and called out your name several time. She was there by coincidence because the park is the closest to her apartment and she was calling his name because she had lost sight of Damian. Dog Damian I mean. It was Human Damian's fault for assuming she was calling out for him."

Jason continued to explained how each claim was Damian's own misunderstanding of the situation and there are statements from his classmates who confirmed that Marinette was talking about her pet dog. They didn't told her about Human Damian because they found it funny that her dog had the same name.

"In addition, my cilent had no idea who Damian Wayne was. Only knowing him as her classmate. "

Tim is right now filming and having the best time of his life as he watched Damian wished that the ground would swallow him whole. Dick is trying so hard not to laugh while Bruce's lips were twitching.

Jason decides to make a counter-law suit for the emotional damage and potential financial damage Human Damian had caused Marinette by suing her for millions when she was just a struggling student, getting by on her own income in a foreign country.

Marinette stopped him, "Jason, this is enough. I am fine with a hand-written apology."

"The amount I am asking for is just a drop of water of an ocean for them. They are that filthy rich. Besides, you can get that motorcycle side-car for Damian you had been eyeing a while ago. You can also use the money to buy dog stuff that you couldn't before because of your budget."

Marinette hesitated and agreed. The case ended with it in Marinette's favor.

Tim approached them as they exited with Marinette hugging Damian (the dog) and Jason grinning in glee over his victory and simultaneously humiliated Damian (the human) in the process. Tim high-fived Jason.

Tim offered a job to Marinette because he had done a background check on her due to the potential threat she posed and found out about MDC. He does it because he liked her talent and it would look great to have Wayne Enterprise on her resume. Also the best dirt on Damian.

Marinette told him that she would think about it and he gave her a card.

Damian wrote the apology letter, very embarrassed by the entire trial. His pride wouldn't recover for a while and he took it out on Jason who knew about it the entire time and didn't tried to stop and clear up the misunderstanding.

The next day at school, Marinette went to Damian's seat and said, "Good morning, Human Damian."

"Why are you calling me like that?"

"I am sorry. I thought you would appreciate the clarification of which Damian I am referring to. I wouldn't want to end up in court again after being branded as a delusional fangirl of yours because I was just talking about my adorable Dami. I meant to say My adorable dog, Dami. Human Damian."

For the next few months, everyone keeps referring to Damian as Human Damian.

Dick: Hey guys what’s up?

Damian: Silence! this is a debate I intend to win.

Dick: huh?

Jason *eating popcorn* : You’re gonna wanna see this

Tim: BY FAR IT IS ONLY LOGICAL TO ASSUME-

Steph: LOGIC HAS NO PART YOU’RE JUST BIASED

Jason: They’re fighting over who was the loosest cannon Robin which caused the most chaos

Dick:

Dick *reaches for popcorn*

Jason *slaps his hand* : Nuh-uh Goldie only the one with the title of MOST CHAOTIC ROBIN gets to eat popcorn

Tim: YOU ARE A LITERAL ASSASSIN WHOS TRIED TO MURDER SEVERAL PEOPLE

Damian: REMIND ME OF YOUR BODYCOUNT?!

Dick: what now-

Drake: THAT WAS BARELY ANY AS ROBIN

Steph: Dudes I was literally Robin to piss off my dad and became friends with poison ivy and Harley

Jason: You’re all just competing for second place

Dick: .. wait what about me?

Everyone *stops and stares*

Damian: Nightwing, this is serious

Tim: Yeah dude I remember your reputation as Robin and you haven’t changed

Batman: .. are you all done with the bust?

Steph: BATSY! Just who we want to see! So.. tell us, who was the most chaotic robin ever

Batman *without hesitation* : Nightwing

Penguin *tied up after the bust* : Yeah it was blue

Damian:

Tim:

Steph:

Jason:

Dick *steals popcorn* : Y’all better start putting respect on my damn name

I know that its basically canon that Jason's not afraid of death and thus acts the most reckless possible because he's already been there done that, right? And its not like theres anything worse than death, so he might as well go all in at all times, but what if he was instead terribly afraid of dying? Not because of death itself but because there is something worse that death, and it's coming back from it.

Jason knows death is not that bad really, because at least the pain stops, then. But coming back? That's what truly terrifies him, and it's only possible if he dies.

He has a thousand contingencies in place to make sure that if he does die again (and theres a half thought there of going out to find a way to never die, because no matter what he suffers after, it's never going to be worse than coming back), nothing is able to bring him back.

One night, a freak explosion leaves him seriously injured, a stray metal shard digging itself deep in his stomach. As the bats rush him back to the cave, delirious from the pain and blood loss, Jason begs Bruce to please, please, get rid of my body, dad, I dont wanna come back again, please swear to me you won't bury me again.

And Bruce, poor Bruce, has to look his son in the eyes and tell him that yes, he'll make sure he doesn't come back again (and oh, how does it hurt, knowing that the best thing that happened to you is the worst pain you son will ever feel).

Jason steps into fights only when he knows every single detail of it, and it's what makes him ten times more efficient and just as much scarier to criminals. He is swift when dealing out justice, and as precise as a surgeon. No one really escapes him, be it petty criminals or mob bosses.

He still gets hurt a great deal, because his pain tolerance is definitely fucked up, and he knows his limits, so he can tell when a wound is nothing to get worried about.

Jason: Have you ever thought about what it'd be like to look God in the face and call them a bitch?

Plagg, sitting up from where he was laying: Marinette says it to me every day.

Marinette: It's true. Plagg, you're a bitch.

Jason: Pft.

I see 2 camps here in the Batman Fandom.

Team: Bruce can't cook

Team: Bruce can but still doesn't cook

I have an offer:

Bruce CAN cook and the food is....ok. But his methods are so bizarre that people take psychic damage watching it.

Sorta like: How the hell did you make risotto in a coffee pot with no rice

Jason: My life has become a never-ending game of "Illegal or Just Frowned Upon?"

“Someone who is worthy of your love will never put you in a situation where you feel you must sacrifice your dignity, your integrity, or your self worth to be with them.”

— Unknown