Red Robin Has A Podcast

imagine vigilante!Marinette in gotham wielding the fox and/or cat but instead of messing with the bats she keeps saving their asses because they cannot last one night without a near death experience

she has to pull batman's cape back to keep him from falling off the roof

picks up nightwing's escrima sticks so he doesn't trip over them again

purposely trips or shoves red hood so he misses a bullet. or multiple bullets.

shakes tim awake because he keep dozing off mid-battle

takes out goons about to sneak up on damian

and they never notice

bonus: it's biodad bw and the whole batfam thinks they're successfully hiding their nightly activities from marinette

Damian thinks Mari can't understand arabic (au)

Damian : "Good morning habib albi." "Have you eat ya hayati?" "I'm so glad I meet you ya amar..."

Marinette : *Trying so hard to hide her blush* "Yes..."

Gala season at Wayne Manor

At first Jason couldn’t tell what was so wrong about what was happening, Bruce had brought him, Dick and Tim back to living in the manor, for a few weeks he said, a new villain he said.

Then all the boys got their measurements updated, the uniforms need updating he said, “Oh dear boys, still growing I see.” Alfred said.

Then a weirdly big number of workers started frequenting the manor.

Alfred: Oh master Jason don’t be so paranoid, we only need to spruce up these dusty old halls.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tim: So what you guys think got B so worried all of the sudden, can’t find anything on the database, seems pretty secretive…even for him.

Jason: I don’t know, but isn’t it weird how we haven’t heard of this new villain yet? You’d think the asshole would make a grand entrance.

Dick: Don’t be so paranoid Jason, you know dad wouldn’t dance around the issue….

In horror all pieces fell into place, wings of the manor being open, things being “spruced up” and the new tuxedos all the boys got.

Jason: We need to leave NOW.

*Bruce slow clapping in the background*

Bruce: So you’ve finally figured it out, it is gala season and we are going to be a happy family. Also don’t bother trying to escape, Damian had to learn the hard way…

Alfred enters the room with Damian trapped Hannibal style in a tux.

Damian: DON’T SAVE YOURSELVES TAKE ME WITH YOU.

Maribat Secret Santa 2022

is it late... yes

did it grow out of control and need a part 2... also yes

but without further ado for my secret santa recipient @intercoursefluids

In Every Lifetime

~~~~~~~~~~

Life after life, death after death, whether they would find each other or not they knew the other was searching for them land, sea, or even the skies for them. Their dreams a guiding light to one another. The powers and magic practiced and hidden in order to protect them. After centuries they learned they would always share a birthdate, which in the newer ages of technology made it slightly easier to find one another, if there weren't so many more people now, and the gods never made it easy for them. But reincarnations are both a blessing and a curse.

•••

"Please don't take her!" He begged clutching her limp lifeless form, still warm despite knowing otherwise.

The two gods stared at him, watching him, waiting. They were the final two, creation and destruction, to choose their vessels. Yet here they were watching silently this mournful event unfold.

The boy reached for a sheathed sword. "I will find who did this and they will pay." He grit out, tears of rage and sadness rolled down his face.

"The price, if you are willing to pay it, is an expensive one." The god of destruction offered, as they finally appeared before the boy.

"Who are you." The boy's eyes flicked between the two of them.

"You humans really are a suspicious bunch."

"What Plagg is trying to say is we want to make a deal with the two of you." The goddess, Tikki, responded.

"The... two..." He looked to his side where the spirit of the girl in his arms, sat beside him. "What deal do you propose?" The boy didn't look at them, but at the spirit at his side.

"We want to use the two of you as vessels." Plagg stated bored. "Thus, the two of you will reincarnate."

"Then why say the price shall be expensive." He asked the two gods, finally turning away from the girl.

Tikki was the one who answered. "Because you may or may not meet one another in each lifetime. But if you do you will loose one another time and time again."

"If that is the cost I..." The boy looked over at the girl again, who nodded. "We are willing to pay it."

"We the kwamii, gods of creation and destruction, imbue the both of you with our powers. You shall reincarnate time and time again, and we will watch over you to aid your existence.”

•••

He had a mission to complete, but these annoying dreams would not let him rest.

He watched as a girl his age rushed around a palace of sorts. They weren't unsettling, just peculiar, almost as if he were witnessing her life.

It wasn't until he reached the palace that was constantly in his dreams that he understood them. Granted if he listened to that annoying voice in his ear he might have figured it out sooner. The roads he travelled became familiar, faces and places as well.

That's when he noticed her, a daughter of a feudal lord, his target. She turned and their eyes connected.

Their past flashed behind his eyes.

His mission forgotten and forfeited.

"Wǒ de tài yáng." Her smile was as bright as in the previous life they shared.

"Wǒ de yuè liàng." He whispered in response. Public appearance the only reason the both of them restrained themselves from jumping into each other’s arms.

It wasn't until the night covered the sky that he dared find her again.

"I was hoping you'd come, Hēi Māo." she watched him a soft smile ever present.

"Piáo Chóng, I promise in this life and every life to come I will find you no matter what." He held her close, whispering into her hair.

"And I you. If you promise to lead me to you in your dreams." He nodded into her not wanting to let her go.

"Only if you do the same."

Their peace didn’t last long. It only took a single cycle of the moon for the guards to realize that someone was constantly coming into the palace after dark. The guards stormed in and dragged him away from his beloved.

He heard her cries and screams trying to come back to him. But he constantly kept getting dragged further and further, her voice becoming softer and softer in the distance.

That is until he heard her footsteps, felt her soothing presence of her newly present magic near him.

"I can’t lose you again. I won’t."

In that moment they both knew they would take their lives, knowing that they’d find each other in the next.

But until then they wouldn’t fear the dark so long as they had each other.

The poison vials that Hēi Māo kept on his belt broke in each of their mouths, the guards to shocked to stop them.

The little voices that rang in their heads spoke out.

Find each other in your next life as you will always be reincarnated together.

•••

The gods did not favor mortals, less their children. But that was not here nor there.

She was abandoned by her parents, an affinity for magic caused them to fear godly retribution. They feared she was a child of Hades, because when she was born jewels materialized on her ears.

The fact of the matter was quite different. She knew, she wasn't of godly descent. She was something else.

So, they left her, a hunter of Artemis later found her. Where she was raised with the Amazons until she joined the hunt.

By then she knew she was able to draw upon the power of beings called kwamii, specifically the spirit inhabiting her jewelry. At least that is what Tikki calls herself. She knows that Tikki isn't telling her everything, but she knows there must be a reason.

She travelled with the goddess of the hunt until a fated day.

The battle was bloody, both sides lost lives. She was the oldest of the hunters there at the moment, she saw them as her younger sisters. When she noticed the volley of arrows heading towards them.

And that’s when the world shook the only thought on her mind her sisters.

To protect Artemis, the hunters, the Amazons that that raised her, that became her family.

She decided to sacrifice herself in order to protect everyone she cared for. In a matter of seconds, the magic exploded from her, disintegrating the arrows creating a veil that stopped the enemy forces from attacking.

she had never used so much magic at once. So much so, she know that it cost her, her life. But she also knew that she would do it again each and every single one of her lives.

She reached up to her ears and plucked the jewels from them. Artemis tentatively stepped forward.

"Amira." The goddess finally reached her. She was kneeling on the ground knowing full well she could not stand up, even if she wanted to. She was a warrior, but even she knew when she shouldn't push her mortal body further.

Amira raised her hand and placed the jewels into the hand of Artemis.

A much smaller, almost looking like a little ladybug, the kwamii of creation appeared to them.

"The world still needs ladybug at this time. Artemis goddess of the hunt, this is my jewel find a worthy warrior until the day comes that we shall reincarnate."

"You are a Kwamii, meaning you are a miraculous." She looked between both of them. "That is understood being of creation." she held the jewels closer. "Amira, my sister, until we meet again." Silver tears fell onto the goddess's face.

•••

She led armies, she sacrificed her entire being for her country.

But this, this was not what she hoped for.

Here she was shackled and ridiculed. Escorted to the gallows like a criminal.

"Joan of Arc, you are charged with being a witch and heretic. How do you plead?"

Head held high she stared at the man condemning her to her death. "No matter my response, you will have my head."

"The price for your insolence is your death."

She was promptly grabbed and pushed down. She heard the executioner raise his axe. So, she stared forwards, meeting a pair of emerald, green eyes.

Memories flashed behind her mind. Moments of blissful joy, unending sorrow, life and death entwined in a never-ending cycle of pain and happiness.

In that second, she finally understood those words spoken those many centuries before. It truly was an expensive price to pay.

"Mon Sol." She whispered, seeing her other half realize it at the same time.

"Mi Luna." She saw him month, seconds before her life ended.

They would always be destined to watch one another die, over and over.

•••

Centuries have passed. She and the others have fought wars. Seen the rise and fall of various civilizations.

But nothing stops the pain she feels every time either she or her sun dies. They may not meet in every life, but they know that they will find one another.

•••

Marinette was a normal girl, well normal-ish. (Tikki had learned to hide herself, among her chosen's families belongings, instead of appearing suddenly.)

Ever since she was small she knew she was different.

She's known since the little goddess Tikki told her when she was five. However, she's known since before. The goddess had always been with her, but she had a magic no one else seemed to notice. Although her luck skewed badly.

But the most intriguing was the boy she constantly saw in her dreams. Because of him she took several martial arts which she excelled in naturally. She quickly got bored of them as she rose through the ranks quickly. In the end she stuck to gymnastics and fencing.

But it wasn't until her tenth birthday it all came to a head.

Her Nonna took her on a trip to visit some friends in the United States.

They were in Gotham and were going to meet a friend named Alfred, but first dinner. Unfortunately, that was pushed back a bit.

She felt an all to familiar pull, but this time it was stronger, so she followed it.

She ran out of the restaurant when her Nonna's attention was off of her. Marinette ran following the pull that seem to be leading her somewhere deeper into the city. She doesn’t know what this pull was or why it constantly seems to pull her in different directions. All she knew was that she should follow it in this moment.

She doesn’t know how long she ran for, it might not have been long at all actually, but one thing she knows is she just ran into a fight.

The much younger of the two raised a sword to man who was fallen on the ground, but that’s when a third arrived. Nightwing, if she remembers correctly, kicked the younger boy which threw his sword into the air, which he then caught.

"The psychos just keep getting younger." The masked vigilante commented.

But her attention was on the boy, the force almost unbearable now pulling her to the boy, but she wouldn’t move. In this match between the two, the boy was completely blinded by anger, Nightwing attempting to subdue him. Snarls and insults, comments being hurled as the two fought, but she couldn't hear.

The boy looked around trying to find an opening, trying to find anything, and that's when he found her. They’re eyes met and he stopped. The blinding anger faded from him as he froze watching her.

And she knows what was going on in his mind. Because the same was happening to her, all the memories of their past lives, every interaction the two ever had was laid out for their minds to see.

But that give Nightwing the opportunity that he needed.

"Mon sol." Was barely audibly whispered and she was again frozen in her tracks.

Nightwing however never once noticed her, seeing as his back was turned to her a majority of the time, and is now presently. Her and was promptly tied up, gagged, and then hung from the light pole like a piñata. And unfortunately, Nightwing still hasn’t noticed her, as he started a call on speaker.

"Talk." A gravely monotone voice answered.

"Missing something?" Nightwing asked, annoyance and disbelief clear in his voice.

"Not in the mood for games." Came the response on the phone.

"I have a kid here." Nightwing paused looking up at the boy hanging in the air. "Says he's your son."

"I'll be right there."

The call ended, And Nightwing finally seemed to look around, thus noticing her.

He froze, and more than likely for good reason. Marinette knows that he doesn’t know how long she’s been there, if from the beginning, or if she just arrived, or if she’s heard the entire conversation. She stood there quietly staring between the vigilante, the man unconscious on the ground, and her soulmate strung up in the air.

She didn’t say a word Nightwing straighten himself up and took a step towards her. She instinctively took a step back, still reeling from the events that just flipped through her mind and the fight she had just witnessed.

Oddly enough that’s exactly when a few others showed up. First was the Batman, who went towards the other two.

Nightwing stepped in front of her blocking them.

That is when her Nonna finally found her.

"My little faerie, what are you doing? I turned around and you were gone." Her Nonna began to scold her. Marinette barely processing what is being told said to her.

"Sorry I..." The words got stuck in her throat, not knowing what actually say. "I don’t know what happened?"

It was a lie she knew it was a lie, but there was truth in it. She didn’t know why she was pulled when she started to run, but now she did. She doesn’t know why she stayed, when she could just easily turn around, instead of listening to the conversation.

"Miss?"

Nightwing again approached the two of them blocking her view of the Batman and her sol.

"Thank you for making sure she is safe. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t been here." Her Nonna began to thank Nightwing. Not noticing noticing the man on the ground with a blade near him.

Nightwing looked unsure of how to proceed, as if wanting to ask Marinette more but not knowing if he should. He looked towards Marinette, and she gently shook her head, a signal to him not to say a thing.

"Thank you Monsieur Nightwing. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you didn’t arrive on time." She looked up at him her eyes big, a small smile on her face, acting slightly saved as ice and memories swarmed her.

"Nightwing." The Bat's voice sounded from behind them the man, previously on the ground, cuffed sirens heard approaching.

"Right. Be careful the both of you Gotham is dangerous."

With that Nightwing turned and walked towards the Bat.

She tried to find a boy again but couldn’t. She assumes that he is inside the Batmobile but isn’t completely sure. She’s turned and was led away from the scene until they reach the restaurant, her appetite gone, mind racing.

"My little Faerie?" Her Nona pulled her attention. "Don’t forget you’re to meet my friend, and his family."

"Right Nonna."

---

The entire car ride back to the manner was silent.

His blind anger and vengeance no longer consumed his mind.

His qamari was here. In this very city. But he knew he couldn't escape this place twice in the same night.

So, he stood silently watching the fake son receive stitches, by his father‘s butler, Pennyworth. It wasn’t until then that he noticed, the ever present familiar soul, the way he moved, the energy that he radiated, it was like his own.

In that moment he clenched his always gloved hands. A ring has been embedded into his skin and with it an annoying little presence called a Kwamii, named Plagg. Because of his constant company, the small pocket god destruction, enhanced Damian's abilities, greater than the League expected from him.

Fortune always seems to be in his favor, Plagg said it’s because he lacked it, today he realized what Plagg had meant. He was a reincarnation, he was a miraculous, just like Pennyworth seems to be.

They were talking but he wasn’t exactly keeping pace with their conversation.

"Are you all right Master Dick?" The fake grimaced before answering.

"I took the cut; I can take the stitch."

"Maybe you need more anesthetic." He didn’t mean to say it, it’s not that he actually cared about him, he just didn’t want to see him in pain anymore, pain he caused.

"And maybe you need to find..."

"Master Dick!" Pennyworth cut the fake son off.

He was going to say something else I stopped himself.

"The Blood Sun." He whispered back, the empty cave allowing the two men down below to hear him.

"Blood thirsty, more like it." He heard the fake say.

He didn’t deny it, he knew it was true.

In every life he had blood was stained on his hands. And nothing he says or does can change that. He clenched his every loved hand feeling the cold metal of the ring burn into his skin. But he turned and walked away.

He went up to the room that was prepared for him, sat in the middle of the bed back pressed up against the headboard, and began to meditate.

Well in reality he was speaking with Plagg. Now that his memories were unlocked he would be able to tell him more, but did he really want to hear it is the question.

"Well, this was earlier than ever before." A nasally voice almost cackled in front of him.

"Tt. I realize that but why? Why did I never notice she was so close?" the asked aloud.

"You know the answer kid. You were so blinded by your rage and hatred and the need for vengeance, you blocked everything else. You blocked her until she could no longer be blocked from you. You blocked the other miraculous who has been trying to help you since you got here. What else is there to say?"

"But I didn’t mean to." He was being to tear, voice caught in his throat, as a single line from his past seemed to hold him. "I promised I would always find her, but I didn’t even try in this life." His tears fell onto his cheeks, Plagg not knowing what else to do. Simply curled up into a ball on the top of his head.

"You did your best kid with what you were given, don’t hesitate to be happy. To be a kid for once."

"But…"

"No buts." with that the two sat in comfortable silence.

A knock was at the door and Pennyworth slowly opened it. Plagg disappeared from this plane.

"We are to have guests over tonight Master Damien. If you would be so gracious to appear tonight."

He nodded. Pennyworth was closing the door when his curiosity finally couldn’t be restrained.

"Pennyworth." The man looked back in. "You are miraculous, aren’t you?"

Upon hearing this a sly smile appeared on the older man’s lips.

"As are you, although that took longer for you to realize than I expected." With that Pennyworth left the room.

But he knew she was still near him.

He got dressed in more civilian attire and went down, mostly following Pennyworth's energy signature. He went down and ended up in the kitchen where he saw Pennyworth preparing a cake. Damian never once said it was his birthday, he doesn't believe it’s anyone else in the house, so deduction must mean that it’s for the people who are visiting.

"Who are we to celebrate?"

The older gentleman looked up and simply answered him in kind.

"The granddaughter of a friend who is visiting today. I expect you to be on your best behavior understood Master Damian."

"Only if the fake acts accordingly."

That’s when he noticed a plain vanilla cake with pink buttercream and strawberries.

"She likes to have strawberries with dark chocolate."

He doesn’t know why he said it, it probably made no sense to Pennyworth, because he had never met her, he had never met her. And it probably wasn’t for her anyways. The older man looked up at him.

"Sorry." And Damian turned on his heel and over towards one of the rooms closest to the front door.

He was miserable. The only thing he wanted to do was be outside of this house searching for her, some thing, Plagg specifically, told him he should sit still. And one thing he’s learned over these last few millennia, is to listen when Plagg is serious.

So, he sat down, the fake son came in with him, almost like a guard dog. But he didn’t care.

"The people coming over are civilians, they don’t know about the bat , they are not enemies understood."

The older man didn't say it in a condescending or rude tone, it was more like casual conversation.

"I know how to be have myself." He made quick eye contact and then went around and studied the room.

The doorbell rang and both of them moved to exit the room. Damian stood between the fake and his father, white Pennyworth opened the door.

"Alfie, my friend it's been much much too long." A cheerful voice rang in the hallway. "And that’s a little Brucie. My he's grown."

Pennyworth chuckled. "You haven’t changed at all, Gina." A smile on his face. "And who is this?"

Alfred motioned to a girl who was still hidden behind the woman named Gina.

"My granddaughter." The woman stepped aside and then behind the girl, the woman placing her hands on both of the girl's shoulders. "Marinette, my little faerie."

He took a step forward, but someone caught his shoulder, well actually two people. Introductions were promptly made, all the while each one of his shoulders were being held back by the fake and his father respectively, almost as if they were scared that he would attack her.

But what surprised the men however was when they sat down, in the parlor, she sat next to him.

It was comforting speaking with her again, someone he's known for so long/she is his true love, his other half of his soul. He felt at ease with her for the first time in this life.

Their conversations turned from shared memories of the past to those the other never met, the friends they made, the people they gained to trust, as well as those they hope they will see again. What they didn’t notice was the room became silent except for them. Marinette was reminiscing of someone she came to trust from a place called Paradise Island a goddess and a warrior, but that is when Alfred interjected.

"Have you visited Paradise Island before Miss Marinette?"

This shocked the other two men in the room, for a reason that he will more than likely understand very soon, however Gina was the first to respond.

"Alfie, I don’t know how you kept up with them, that was Greek to me."

"Indeed, it was."

Came in response to which both he and Marinette realized they had been bouncing through the different tongues they learned throughout their lifetimes.

"I unfortunately couldn’t understand the first part of it. Do either of you mind elaborating?"

He and Marinette shared a look, but it was her who spoke first. "What is there to say? Anywhere you visit can be a paradise if that’s how you see it."

“That is one way to see it.” His father nodded, but he noticed the fake watching them studiously.

“That’s my little faerie, always looking on the bright side.”

“I’ve learned it’s not good to regret anything.” She smiled looking back at him.

~~~~~~~~~~

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@maribat-secret-santa

Do you think Tim holds things over his brothers' heads whenever he wants something?

Dick- Aw, there's only one piece of pizza left

Tim- Mine

Dick- Or, we could split it

Tim- Or, it's mine

Dick- You know, sharing is caring, Tim

Tim- You know what else is caring?

Dick- Hm?

Tim- Not gaslighting your sibling into thinking he's insane

Dick- ...

Tim- Not taking Robin from him

Dick- O-okay

Tim- Trusting that he's been right about enough things in the past that maybe, just maybe, he's right about your father being alive-,

Dick- You can have the pizza, dude. Jeez

Yyyyy

Jason, seeing Tim laying across the entire sofa he wanted to read on- You can either move or be sat on, little man

Tim, not even looking up- Today is not the day. I fucking dare you to try me

Jason- Tim, move. I am bigger than you. I am stronger than you. I will crush you

Tim- Bigger, maybe.

Jason- Tim-,

Tim, locking eyes with Jason- How long did you last with Joker? Half hour?

Jason- Excuse me?

Tim, holding up three fingers- I dealt with Joker AND Harley. For three WEEKS. And survived

Jason- o.o???

Tim, getting cozy again- Get on my level, bitch

Yyyyy

Damian- You're delusional if you think you can beat me, Drake. I was trained by the best of the best!

Tim- The best of the best?

Damian- That's right!

Tim- When's the last time you checked on those 'best of the best' teachers of yours?

Damian- What are you talking about?

Tim- I'm talking about the fact that you might have been trained by them

Tim, leaning down to Damian's level- But I took them out

Damian- Wh-what??

Tim- Still want to spar?

Jason: 'You'll never find the body' is such a boring threat. A better threat would be; 'You'll never stop finding the body.'

Tim, bored: Or just say, 'They'll be finding parts of you for at least four months...and you'll still be alive for three of them.'

Jason: Now that's a threat!

Dick, covering Damians ears: *horrified silence*

There's something about Marinette turning into a thief stealing lost miraculous that's just so captivating, you know? Because you have a character that's kind, dedicated her teenager ages to save people and suffered due to that, who then had to turned into a thief to avoid people going through the same she did before then...

You just have a flashy hero who everyone knew about turning into a fugitive who tries to never be seen, who hides into the shadows. Her motivations are the same, she's still the same kind girl who everyone loved, and that would do anything to protect people, but instead of a beloved superheroine, she's a wanted thief who everyone hates...

Danny, after running away moving to Gotham a few months ago begins making little commentary videos on a social media app.

It was fine and all with mostly friends viewing them up until his meta gene activated. He didn't even know he had a meta gene and kinda figured any of the ghost stuff he did as Phantom would have activated it if he did have one. Nope!

His newest video started out with him wearing a red beanie, "Hey guys! You know how I just moved to Gotham a few months ago? Well, turns out I have the meta gene!" He takes a moment to let that sink in before continuing, "Most people get there abilities or whatever through a lab accident or an explosion or something and end up with like telekinesis."

"I, however, am hated by the universe and got scratched by a cat," he then yanked off the beanie to reveal two large cat ears, "and turned into furry bait. On that note if you have any tips on how to avoid Catwoman please leave them in the comments section. For my sake."

Dick stared down at his phone in shock. He needed to show his siblings this

In the meantime Danny has to deal with his channels popularity skyrocketing. "This is not what I want to be remembered for."

Bonus points if Danny gets one of those FMK questions that are all bats and he responds with, "Kill? A bat? Listen, if I get put into a death match with a bat the only one dying here will be me. I cant even do a backflip, what makes you think I could even touch one of them???"

Batfamily Headcanons:

Tim loves exploring abandoned “haunted” places like hospitals and asylums. The kid grew up travelling Gotham at night to take pictures of the superhero version of Freddy Krueger. This kid digs spooky places.

Jason likes the most problematic media out of all them and has gotten into fights over it. He’s into literature, you can’t read 5 classic novels in a row without finding out one of them was a racist or wifebeater or something. He is completely numb to it and Dick hates it. 

Damian pretends to hate Pokemon for ethical reasons but secretly has invested 300 hours into Sword and Shield. He plays so much fetch with his Pokemon. 

Everyone hates watching investigation shows with Cass cause she can tell by body language which actor is playing the killer. She has ruined Murder She Wrote for Alfred and part of him thinks he will never forgive her.

Duke is a menace to the Justice League. He absolutely has accidentally flexed on every single one of them. “Oh, sorry Wonder Woman, I just assumed you could speak Italian, cause you know…Rome is in Italy?” “So they’re ‘hardened light constructs’ but can’t actually light up a dark room? Dang Hal, that sucks man.’” Bruce loves this. 

Dick absolutely has a lifetime band from every theme park he has ever been to. He handstands on the spin-and-get-stuck-to-walls-ride. He leaps out of the rollercoaster seat to land back in it during every loop. The only roller coaster he is ever allowed to ride is the ladybug one at Smallville’s town fair Uncle Clark takes him to.

Now that Jon is an adult Damian actively keeps him away from his family because the thought of Tim and Jon dating has woken Damian up in a cold sweat.

Whenever they go to iHop they expect Steph to get the crazy waffles with like marshmallows or sprinkles or something. But she doesn’t. She gets the whole grain waffles. The kind with oats. No one can tell if she’s punking them or not (she absolutely is, and orders a quinoa omelette to sell the act).

Bette still hangs out with the Titans on occassion and the younger Bats literally don’t know who she is. “Yeah back when I was Batgirl I–” and Damian does a spittake and Cass asks Bette for advice (that she absolutely doesn’t need cause she has surpassed Bette in every skill but it makes Bette smile so its worth it).

Dick and Jason find out Barbara went one 1 (one) date with Roy like 4 years ago and spend weeks preparing separate powerpoints on why that is not allowed. 

Jason polices Alfred’s eating. Everyone thinks Alfred eats healthy all the time but every once in a while he’ll snack on something with just a little too much fiber and Jason will pull him aside and be like “You know what Leslie said Alfred, berries aren’t good for your bowels” and Alfred will blush and hand over the berries with a pout (which Jason will then eat himself).

Bruce cannot keep focused enough to cook, this is a known fact. However, he can stay on task enough to make soaps. Dick threatened to tell the Justice League, but Bruce threatened to take back that Salt & Pepper scented soap that Dick loves and Dick folded (Dick loves it because it just so happens to smell like Bruce’s cologne the night he picked him up at the circus (Bruce pretends not to know that’s why)).

Damian cannot draw cartoony or anime-y styles whatsoever. Duke asks him to teach him how to draw Naruto and Damian just can’t and it hurts him that there is something he is bad at. 

Barbara uses her wheelchair in daily life not because she can’t walk but because it hurts to walk. When she offers to take Steph’s patrol once, Steph is stoked, but when she sees Barbara cringe in pain the next morning she spends two hours crying and gives Barbara lunch in bed for the next three weeks.

John Constantine isn’t allowed within Gotham’s walls, especially near Damian, Duke, Tim, or Steph. Bruce knows without a doubt that Constantine does not give enough of a shit to protect his kids if push comes to shove, so that man is banned from all missions involving his kids. 

Zatanna is about halfway between Bruce and Dick, and one day she lets it slip she’s slept with them both and it sends Bruce into anaphylactic shock. Dick never forgives her.

During a Hero community football game Hal slaps Tim’s ass after a touchdown not even thinking it might be awkward or uncomfortable and Jason tackles him into the center of the Earth on the next play.

Because Tim has had a hero crush on every Bat ever and still kind of does, whenever Dick or Jason or Barbara tease Bette by saying “who are you again” Tim goes into a 45 minute long tirade on why they should respect the first Batgirl. Even Bette finds it weird.

Damian draws fake tattoos on the other kids hands at recess.

Sometimes people think that Batman’s presence is what keeps primarily not-gotham villians out of Gotham but really its Catwoman cause once a group of Luthor’s hitmen came into Gotham and were found with absolutely brutal claw wounds and everyone in the supervillian community got the message loud and clear. 

Alred and Wonder Woman are such stubborn personalities with similar morals and motives, that they actually butt heads when Diana is in the cave and good fucking god is it scary.

For Cass’s birthday Barbara and Tim manage to rope Lady fucking Shiva to coming and Cass is genuinely touched, but Dick and Jason had no fucking clue their best friend/little brother knew the world’s deadliest hand to hand fighter what the fuck. Damian takes to Shiva instantly and spars with her every other Saturday and she and Talia begin having “parent teacher conferences” over Damian’s growth. Bruce is absolutely terrified of them as a team.

The bats completely convince Guy Gardner that they’re all metas and that their superpower is literally “Super Competence.”

During a sex-pollen fight with Ivy, several Justice Leaguers are hit and everyone seems to have gotten with their partner and Bruce isn’t worried until he finds out that Dick offered to help one of them for a night because their partner was off world. When Oliver walks down to Wayne Manor’s breakfast the next morning Bruce almost fires him.

Tim has not so secretly recreated Dick, Jason, and Barbara’s old attires and cosplays them on Tiktok. He knows this is a dangerous game. Barbara will only be blind for so long. The adrenaline is worth the risk.

I do not like having jingly keychains, but I like that my father does. His chain has the car keys, a Swiss army knife, a longer Swiss Army knife, a small metal Captain America shield, and a few other trinkets that he wears in his belt loop with one of those big clips (the metal ones for rock climbing- carabiners).

Anyway my dad has been wearing that specific set of trinkets for my entire life. It is not loud but because of the trinkets it makes a very specific jingle.

So when my brother and I got lost at a Disney park during one of your extended family vacations (25 people is a lot and very easy to be overlooked), we tracked down the rest of our family by walking around the general area in a circle to hear down the different streets until we heard it. All the way from the opposite end of the street and around a corner.

We got back to them fast enough that nobody knew of our little crisis and all because of my Dad’s obnoxious key chain.

having a little jingly keychain is all fun and games, until you’re walking around somewhere that’s dead quiet…..like oh i’m sorry i just my trinkets are jangling around……n suddenly your the court jester and everyone is pointing and laughing at you for your noisey fucking keychain…..bobo the clowncore