I NEED HIM SO BAD IDC!!!!!!

I’ll drink myself to death inside this prison cell

I have seen very few movies that are able to display grief so despairingly accurate, and as beautifully as Aftersun. And the most incredible part, is that all of the emotions and experiences the movie centers around remain unspoken, yet are blindingly prominent. After doing a google search or two, I discovered that Aftersun was based on the director, Charlotte Wells’ life, and that allowed me to see this movie in a different light; especially considering her father passed when she was sixteen, and I lost my father at fifteen.

While the movie never makes it explicitly clear what happens to Calum at the end, we can assume the vacation with Sofie was the last time she saw her father. Especially considering the ending, with the song “Under Pressure” playing in background while Sofie and Calum dance. I would also like to point out that towards the end of the dance, David Bowie’s part comes to an end with the lyrics, “this is our last dance” repeating while the scene fades out. While we don’t see anything explicitly sinister on screen, there are persistent undertones of dread and melancholy, as well as innocence and nostalgia.

This movie is nothing short of heartbreaking, yet it is also remarkably beautiful. The cinematography captures the world through the eyes of a child perfectly, and every single shot is so thought out and human. Because of how intimate the cinematography is, it feels like the audience is in Sofie’s memories as well. I love how this movie walks you through the dynamic of Sofie and Calum’s relationship not only emotionally, but visually as well. Despite Calum’s mistakes, his love for his daughter never needed to be questioned. Though, we can infer that Calum feels guilty for Sofie’s emotional turmoil. In the scene where Sofie is laying on the bed describing what sounds like symptoms of depression, she asks Calum if he feels the same way, the camera returns to the bathroom where we then see Calum spit in the mirror. That scene reminded me of my own father, and the subtle nod to Calum’s guilt was absolutely incredible. Not to mention both actors, Paul Mescal and Frankie Corio were nothing short of incredible. Their performance felt so incredibly real.

Aftersun felt like a dream in the best and worst ways possible. An unspoken longing for the past, and the persistent grief and depression that follows. This movie genuinely holds such a special place in my heart. Absolutely magnificent.

Yearning for what I can’t have. Premature and doomed.

Sometimes, all we really need is to be heard without having to fight for it.

I brought up how I felt—disconnected, unsure, a little tired of carrying the weight of unspoken things. And for once, I wasn’t met with defensiveness or silence. I was met with understanding. With effort. With a gentle “let’s fix this.”

It reminded me that love shouldn’t feel like walking on eggshells. It shouldn’t leave you questioning your worth or your voice. Sometimes, the simplest conversations can feel like healing.

I’m learning that being heard without having to explain myself twice is a kind of love I didn’t know I needed. I don’t need perfect. I just need real.

I know the whole canine motif has been worn to the bone, however I have felt a lot like a mean dog lately.

15 January, 1926 The Letters of Vita Sackville-West to Virginia Woolf (1924-1941)

i wish i found what i was looking for that day.

„if they wanted to, they would“

yes, but you can‘t expect someone to know how you feel loved. everyone’s perception of love is different. you still have to communicate how you feel, what you care about, how you feel valued and seen. don‘t throw away something that could turn out great just because it doesn‘t fit right from the beginning.

Everyone is rightfully tired of my shit I wish I could curl up into a little ball and shrink until I disappear

I’m boreddddjdjdjddhsjsimnejgjaiwmw