Inaccurate Batfam Quotes #8

MORE OF THEM >>>>

it's prestonbartober, actually

AS THE FOUNDER OF JAYBART I AM LITERALLY CRYING THERES FANART NOW YALL THIS IS A MILESTONE ITS SPREADING

Not Fast Enough - A JayBart Playlist

Love Is Easy by McFly | No One’s Here To Sleep (Feat. Dan Smith) by Naughty Boy | Flaws by Bastille | Be Nice To Me by The Front Bottoms |  Life Is A Highway by Rascal Flatts | A Better Son/Daughter by Rilo Kiley | Feeling Good by Michael Bublé |  My Silver Lining by First Aid Kit

Lalala, I didn’t do anything, lalala, I’m innocent. I did draw this though.

inaccurate Batfam quotes #21

Batboys as D&D Races...

Dick: Bard-- obviously-- and Genasi, since he's decended from Gypsies.

Jason: Paladin Tiefling.

Tim: Warlock Kalashtar.

Damian: Elvish Assassin Rougue, class Eladrin for his unpredictable behavior.

Gender didn’t exist in the future: Bart is Pansexual and likes to wear skirts (maybe gender-fluid)

you can't change my mind

*In the middle of a briefing*

Batman: Our target is a man by the name of Percy Dunn, he's the gangs runner and will be the most likely lead to the main operation.

Bart: Percy Dunn? The Lightning Thief.

Tim: That's Percy Jackson, Bart.

Warm Bodies

(Originally posted on AO3 by me/aka user CrashCityCentral)

The last thief was knocked out with a swift knee to his face and he fell limp. The distant sirens caught the vigilante’s attention and he let go of the KOd criminal's hair, dropping him to the ground then slumped into the shadows, hoisting himself up a fire escape and to the rooftop overlooking the dark alleyway where the fight took place. He peered over the edge to the carnage he left behind; a group of 8, 6 men and 2 women, unconsciously strewed across the alley floor, all petty thefts and wanna-be big shots. He left once he made sure none of them woke back up and the police were close enough. He never bothered staying around for these moments, the police were looking for him too. He didn’t always keep his opponents alive. But, like any other corny romance novel, he met someone and they changed him. For the better, which he honestly thought was impossible until that point. He didn’t look back again and instead traveled through the city by rooftop. It was just about time to hang up his helmet for the night.

He jumped from building to building, the close proximity of the cities structures making it perfect for travel. Once he was close enough to his current safe house, he dropped down to the streets and ducked into a darker part of the backend allies where he pulled a bag from a hidden spot. He opened it, stripping his chest plate off and stuffing it inside. He then reached around his head to press two switches on either side of his helmet and slowly pull it off revealing his face. Jason Todd.

Jason slung the bag over his shoulders, now casually dressed in a tank-top and his suit pants, walking back to the main roads and towards the direction of his safe house, acting as casual as ever. This had been his constant routine. Once at the door, he pulled his keys out and unlocked a padlock that kept a latch shut. When the latch was opened he entered a six-digit code the door clicked and was pushed open. From where his warehouse was there was a glimpse of moonlight shining through the windows and now open the door, with only his shadow blocking out the only source of light in the dark room. Jason closed the door again slowly and tried not to make a sound as he locked it once more and put his keys on a nearby table. The room was a deafening silence, almost making his ears ring. It wasn’t always this quiet. He moved to hang up his gear and walked further into the house. His movements were slow, and he couldn’t tell if it was because he was tired or sore from fighting. It could be both. He let out an exhausted sigh before reaching the bedroom, moving the door handle slowly so the creaking wouldn’t disrupt the silence. There was a figure on the bed, laying there and waiting for him. It didn’t move when he came fully into the room and shut the door or took off his boots. It didn’t move until he walked over and was hovering over the bed and sat on the edge.

“Hey, Bart,” Jason said without even bothering to look at the boy laying down beside him.

“Welcome home, Jay,” Bart replied, with his usual animated grin. Though it was dark, Jason could practically see that smile. Something about the way he says it now makes it sound rehearsed. It was the same reply Jason got every time he came back, followed by the usual questions asked at rapid-fire. “How did it go? Did you kick ass? Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m not hurt,” Jason said, his reply just as practiced. He didn’t bother answering the other two. He couldn’t. He just stared at the same place he zoned into when he sat down.

“You seem sad. What’s wrong?” Bart asked. Though he didn’t hear it, Jason could feel Bart move closer.

“You know what’s wrong.” The silence was too much. It was all wrong. All of it.

“What do you mean, Jay?” Bart’s voice still feigned the innocent confusion it always had.

Jason loved that about him. He loved how confused Bart got sometimes. When Bart gets too confused he gets frustrated and makes this cute pouty face and his leg bounces more violently the longer he thinks. It was just so him .

“Please don’t act like you don’t know.” Jason’s tone was nothing but pain. His voice was leveled but his mind was anything but. It’s been a long night.

“What’s wrong?” There he goes again. Those same routine lines. Those same replayed words. Those same concerned eyes.

Jason refused to look at those eyes. He knew if he did he’d cave and just accept this. But he couldn’t.

“You need to leave, Bart.” He swallowed hard, regretting the words but not taking them back either. This needed to happen. For both of them.

“I don’t understand.” the smile in Bart’s voice was gone. What was left was just concern. Jason cried.

The first few tears slipped out unannounced until they all just started pouring out. Tears and broken sobs. He wiped them away quickly, eyes screwed shut. There was a tingling sensation like someone had grazed their fingers lightly, over his cheek. His hand was so cold.

“Don’t cry, Jaybird.” Bart soothed. Jason reminded himself he couldn’t look. If he looked it became real.

“Please stop, Bart. Just go.” He rubbed his eyes. The ear-ringing silence came back. In the back of his mind, Jason knew he’d be back, just like he always is. But he was alone for now, his thoughts leaving him in peace until the next time. He opened his eyes.

Jason felt like crying again. He didn’t want to push him away, he didn’t want to tell Bart to leave. He wanted nothing more than to cave in and just collapse, letting Bart’s words soothe everything away and kiss him until he didn’t feel anything but loved. To listen to his rambles again and be praised with every villain he didn’t kill.

He wanted all of that back, he wanted his speedster.

Whatever his mind was doing to him was sick. Bart was dead. He has been for some time.

Who’s gonna tell em?

i feel like bart would be good at playing guitar, like with his speed he could change chords super quick and just play what would normally be super difficult riffs this post made me think of this they were onto something

DC Groupchats as some of my favourite Homestuck quotes pt. 1

Jason: Hey, I wanna tell a joke.

Tim: ?!?

Dick: Ok?

Jason: What did the kitty cat say to the clown?

Dick: what?

Jason: I'M GOING TO DEVOUR YOUR INTERNAL ORGANS, YOU MURDEROUS SON OF A BITCH.

-Damian has left the chat-

__________________________________________

Bart: Holy Shrap

Kon: yeah

Tim: What?

Bart: so uh I need to borrow apples

Greta: Okay *opens her suit coat and infinite apples pour out*

Cassie: Oh my gods.

Greta: How many do you need?

Bart: 4

Greta: I have them all

Greta: I own all apples

Greta: take as many as you wish

Bart: Incredible

Greta: Isn't it just

Bart: *inhales the apples* fantastic

-Tim has disconnected-

-Kon has disconnected-

____________________________________________

Jay: roy, help

Jay: i broke my fucking caps key

Roy: Whats wrong dude?

Roy: oh

Roy: ha

Roy: youre so calm

Jay: shut the hell up and help me you god damned fruit cup

Roy: hahaha

Roy: its so weird

Roy: youre trying to yell at me

Jay: stop the ass hole antics and help me

Roy: Its like being yelled at by a librarian

____________________________________________

Wally: i mean what are regular towels even made of?

Dick: cotton

Wally: oh shit really, I thought it was wool..

Wally: okay new idea

Dick: Im sure both exist

Wally: make a towel

Dick: alright new idea?

Wally: that you can eat

Dick: what the fuck

Wally: In flavors of bubblegum blue

Wally: and strawberry pink

Wally: boom

Wally: Cotton candy towels

Dick: No???

Wally: yes

inaccuate Bamfam quotes

Bruce: Who's going to help me take down Superman?

batchildren™: crickets

Bruce: Really? None of you? You're my kids!

Jason, from the back: We're adopted!

Bruce: Damian isn't.

Damian: I'm dating Superman's son, I can't kill Jon's dad.

Everyone else: ...

Bruce: Tim?

Tim: I'm actually dating Kon...

Bruce:... Jason?

Jason: Fuck you, old man. I just don't like you.

Bruce: Dick, tell me you aren't dating someone from the superfamily, too.

Dick: Nope.

Bruce: sigh of relief

Dick: Only Wally!

Bruce, realizing all of his kids are dating the pupils of the colleagues he dislikes most: I'm gonna go take a nap...