Have Some Wayne Manor Quarantine Headcanons Because I Couldn't Sleep Last Night And Thought Of These

Hgggnnn

smonch

inaccurate Batfam quotes #35

The Batboys Ranked for how rebellious they are.

Starting at number one: Timmy Drakeson.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Isn't Jason the most rebellious?" No. No he is not. Timmothy fucking Drake is a powerhouse of untapped chaos and a goldmind of comedic genius, just look at the iconic Truth or Dare pannel where he was dared to take off his mask. He did so and underneath his mask, was another mask. Secndly, he doesn't give a shrap about the "Protect ID" rule. Also, he was the one that diliberatly went out of his way to find out Batmans Identity by stalking him and taking lots of photos, sneaking out at night and throwing himself into fights even just to get information. Plus, he 100% discreetly shares Batmans weaknesses to the rest of the league because it's "unfair for him to have a strategic plan against them without them having some way to get through to him".

Number two: Terry McGinnis.

Need I say more? If there's anyone who dislikes supers more than Bats himself, it's this guy. But Duke is ok in his book.

Number Three: Dick Grayson.

He left the fam and even the mantle of Robin, which meaned so much to him, to find his own path and had diliberatly made it so that Bruce knew him leaving was all his fault. He even neglected his own "Brothers" somewhat because he didn't want to see that man up until Jason died.

Speaking of, Number four: Jason Todd.

To be Honest, not that rebellious. Sure, he's kinda edgy, but it's a good look for him. Really good. Do I simp for Todd? Hell yes, I do. The actions that lead to him going burserk honestly, not his fault. He was hyped up on the glorified pool water and felt betrayed from the very people who took him in. He understood that when one robin leaves, another steps up because Bruce has issues with the 'sad orphan eyes'. He just can't help himself. But the Laz made his views boggled so he went cray. A good kind of Cray. I don't blame him for being upset about the ordeal. I'd slap the shit outta Bruce.

Okay so hear me out... Five: Alfred.

We all love our main man, glue of the family butler. But on multiple occasions Alfie has stated he would violate the "no kill rule" to protect his charges and honestly, what a King. Pop off, Pennyworth. He loves Bruce, but he puts this grown man in time out and I don't blame him. the guy makes questionable moral decisions and that's coming from a diagnosed psychotic. We stan Alfie✨

Number Six: Damian.

We all know that this little boy got some mommy issues here and some daddy issues there, but honestly when it comes down to it, he's pretty obedient. He has the sass levels of a litterate XBox gamer and the backbone of a snake. you tell him to do something in that stern dad voice and he'll cuss you out on the way to do it. Honestly, best boy. I love him lots. And guys, stop making his character so serious. You need to check yourself on his analysis cause honEE this boy cracks jokes 24/7, likes to poke fun at people and on multiple occasions tried to make superboy, the actually serious fluff roll, swear.

Number SeVeN, Last but certainly not least: Duke Heckin' Thomas.

Our local cinnimon roll™. Not only is he badass, but he's cute and lovable too. Duke is one of those teens that don't really care if it's this way or that. He's kinda on the quiet side unless you engage in conversation with him directly and I mean, come on. Just read any comic with him in it and I guarentee you will fall in love. Just- yEs. Even though he's the only one in his family with superpowers, he stays humbled and is kinda like everyones voice of reason. Seriously, he's so underrated and I love him with all my heart.

inaccurate Flashfam quotes #9

Bart: Wally, you are now Australian.

Wally, sighing deeply: Why is that, Bart?

Bart: You know what a Wallaby is?

Wally: ... *Another heavy sigh*

Bart: *goes onto explain what a Wallaby is*

Batfam headcanon #ilostcount

The only reason there is cameras set up in wayne manor is to make commentary on Nerf wars. The announcer sits at the batcomputer and commentates on everything.

They also like to play irl Five Nights At Freddy, Flipping through the camera, and it's kinda like red light green light. Whenever a camera is in use, the little red light goes green and all movment in that room must stop. If it goes off again they're free to move about the room.

I felt that I made too many people cry on my JayBart oneshot 'Warm Bodies', so I thought I'd rectify that with more tears. So, here's Part Two!

__________________________________________

Jason was angrier these days. Love and loss do that to a person. He walked around Gotham with tension in his posture, menacing intent with his every step. His gaze was hard and distant, scaring anyone to be the subject of their attention.

Even those that didn’t know him personally could tell he was very troubled. Tortured by things he’s been through, or rather went through. Haunted by a ghost of his past.

You look so grumpy today, did you accidentally drink orange juice after you brushed your teeth again? A voice whispered from the empty space beside him that used to be filled with sunshine. He didn’t answer.

Whispers went around Gotham about his drastic change. Jason was never a delicate flower, but he was so much more violent. Fights went on longer, drawn out for the satisfaction of release. Punches less pulled. Bullets wasted where they were saved and strategically shot before. More blood on his hands than ever.

His brothers tried to reach out and comfort him in one way or another, but he’d shoot down their every attempt with vehemence. They didn’t understand, they wouldn’t. How could they? How can you look at someone and tell them your entire world was ripped from you? How do you explain how vital it was to have someone at your side, and how suffocating it was when they were gone? How does he tell them he loved so deeply— mind, body, and soul— and that all those things died alongside his person?

I know what’ll cheer you up, let’s go to the library. I’ll help you find a new book to distract you. The black hole where his universe used to be speaks again, filling the space before vacuuming it away again. Jason doesn’t listen.

He doesn’t know why he can still hear his voice. Still feel his phantom touches, or see a flash of golden eyes. He didn’t care. He wanted them to stop, stop trying to replace what he lost, but he also wanted to gather everything he had left of him and never let him go again.

It didn’t matter where he went, the void would follow. It was like he could feel him walking at his side, but where he was all warmth and light, the space he left was cold and desolate. It played the imitation game well, but nothing could replace Bart.

You shouldn’t glare so much, it’ll permanently stick to your face. I think I already see frown lines. It says again, this time accompanied by a gentle breeze ghosting over his temple. A finger poking him attached to nothing.

Jason flinches back and blinks rapidly to clear the image of a teasing smile from his vision. “Stop that.” He grumbles, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets, brute-forcing his way forewards like he needed the extra push to carry on.

So he does speak. What’s got you so grumpy today? Bart’s echo falls back into step with him as if nothing changed. For a moment, Jason blanks and wishes nothing ever had. He only allows himself a moment at a time to break and rebuild in the next second. A crash of tides before the Ocean calms once more.

He doesn’t answer, but that doesn’t stop the torture.

Did Bruce do something? Bart pesters, unfazed by the lack of response. No, let me guess. Dick was a dick? The soft sound of a chuckle carries on the wind and vanishes in its current. Jason ignores the stabbing pain when it almost makes him smile.

You can talk to me, you know. About anything. I’m always right here for you. But that was his problem, wasn’t it? Jason wasn’t upset at Bruce, or Dick. He was angry at the world for taking his.

He stops walking, not bothering to turn and talk to the space he knew would be empty. “But you aren’t here.” He speaks to the sky, fighting the rush of emotion that well up. “I can’t talk to you. I won’t get to ever again.” his control relinquishes and he’s left staring at the clouds, vision blurry with tears. His palms sweat, as does his forehead. His throat closes tightly, chest crushing with the weight of heartbreak.

He can’t look, not when he knows he won't see anything there.

Don’t be silly, Jay. I’m always right here. The void answers, whispering sweet nothings. Soft assurances to get him to give in to the darkness, be consumed by its nothingness. Maybe if he lets it swallow him whole, he could be with the real Bart again.

“I need you to come back to me,” Jason croaks around the lump in his throat, swaying in place as the energy is sucked out of him, leaving a hollow shell of a man that can barely stand on his own two feet.

It’s quiet for a bit, nothing but the sound of Jason’s sobs and sniffles until the darkness edges closer. Call out for me, Jay. It beckons. Come on, let it out. Yell so loud the Gods can hear you.

And he does. The very force of his anguished shout brings him to his knees. He screams until his throat is hoarse and even when it hurt, he continues. Even when he didn’t have breath in him, he pushes more and falls forwards, face pressed to the dirt. He didn’t stop until he was sure every deity out there could feel his pain and felt the guilt for taking the most precious thing the Earth had to offer him.

A crackle of thunder and flash of lightning broke through his clenched eyelids for a split second, as if Zeus himself responded to his screams. The noise was nothing compared to the rush of blood in his ears. He couldn’t feel anything except cold and alone.

This time when the void came back to comfort him, he struggled to get away. He didn’t want the chilled touch to replace the memory of Bart’s warm one. That was too far for him. He wouldn’t let that happen.

A hand reached out from the void and wiped his tears away, his eyes snapping open at the unexpected touch. It wasn’t empty. It wasn’t the breeze. It wasn’t cold.

“I’m right here.” Bart smiles through tears, stumbling into Jason’s arms and holding him so tightly they molded together. Not even air dared to get between them.

“How?” Jason struggles to find the words, but he didn’t need them to return the tight embrace with an even stronger squeeze. He didn’t need an answer, he had his world in his arms again and nothing has ever felt so right.

“You brought me back.” Bart strokes the back of his head like he used to, gently applying pressure on the back of his neck just like he’d done so many times on nights the guilt and hurt became too much. “But I never went far. You never spoke back to me.”

Jason choked on a sudden sob, tightening his arms around Bart and rocking their bodies in tandem. His speedster never left him. It was always him. It wasn’t his mind playing tricks, it was him.

“I’m sorry,” Jason begs for forgiveness, burying his face into Bart’s neck. He felt like he was on his knees in a Chapple, asking a God to forgive his digressions. The sin of love over life.

“Don’t get sappy on me now, slick. At least take me home first.” Bart jokes, and it was perfect. Jason didn’t think he’d ever hear that quick wit again. But now he has eternity to appreciate all of it all over again.

His speedster was home right here in his arms.

Warm Bodies

(Originally posted on AO3 by me/aka user CrashCityCentral)

The last thief was knocked out with a swift knee to his face and he fell limp. The distant sirens caught the vigilante’s attention and he let go of the KOd criminal’s hair, dropping him to the ground then slumped into the shadows, hoisting himself up a fire escape and to the rooftop overlooking the dark alleyway where the fight took place. He peered over the edge to the carnage he left behind; a group of 8, 6 men and 2 women, unconsciously strewed across the alley floor, all petty thefts and wanna-be big shots. He left once he made sure none of them woke back up and the police were close enough. He never bothered staying around for these moments, the police were looking for him too. He didn’t always keep his opponents alive. But, like any other corny romance novel, he met someone and they changed him. For the better, which he honestly thought was impossible until that point. He didn’t look back again and instead traveled through the city by rooftop. It was just about time to hang up his helmet for the night.

He jumped from building to building, the close proximity of the cities structures making it perfect for travel. Once he was close enough to his current safe house, he dropped down to the streets and ducked into a darker part of the backend allies where he pulled a bag from a hidden spot. He opened it, stripping his chest plate off and stuffing it inside. He then reached around his head to press two switches on either side of his helmet and slowly pull it off revealing his face. Jason Todd.

Jason slung the bag over his shoulders, now casually dressed in a tank-top and his suit pants, walking back to the main roads and towards the direction of his safe house, acting as casual as ever. This had been his constant routine. Once at the door, he pulled his keys out and unlocked a padlock that kept a latch shut. When the latch was opened he entered a six-digit code the door clicked and was pushed open. From where his warehouse was there was a glimpse of moonlight shining through the windows and now open the door, with only his shadow blocking out the only source of light in the dark room. Jason closed the door again slowly and tried not to make a sound as he locked it once more and put his keys on a nearby table. The room was a deafening silence, almost making his ears ring. It wasn’t always this quiet. He moved to hang up his gear and walked further into the house. His movements were slow, and he couldn’t tell if it was because he was tired or sore from fighting. It could be both. He let out an exhausted sigh before reaching the bedroom, moving the door handle slowly so the creaking wouldn’t disrupt the silence. There was a figure on the bed, laying there and waiting for him. It didn’t move when he came fully into the room and shut the door or took off his boots. It didn’t move until he walked over and was hovering over the bed and sat on the edge.

“Hey, Bart,” Jason said without even bothering to look at the boy laying down beside him.

“Welcome home, Jay,” Bart replied, with his usual animated grin. Though it was dark, Jason could practically see that smile. Something about the way he says it now makes it sound rehearsed. It was the same reply Jason got every time he came back, followed by the usual questions asked at rapid-fire. “How did it go? Did you kick ass? Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m not hurt,” Jason said, his reply just as practiced. He didn’t bother answering the other two. He couldn’t. He just stared at the same place he zoned into when he sat down.

“You seem sad. What’s wrong?” Bart asked. Though he didn’t hear it, Jason could feel Bart move closer.

“You know what’s wrong.” The silence was too much. It was all wrong. All of it.

“What do you mean, Jay?” Bart’s voice still feigned the innocent confusion it always had.

Jason loved that about him. He loved how confused Bart got sometimes. When Bart gets too confused he gets frustrated and makes this cute pouty face and his leg bounces more violently the longer he thinks. It was just so him .

“Please don’t act like you don’t know.” Jason’s tone was nothing but pain. His voice was leveled but his mind was anything but. It’s been a long night.

“What’s wrong?” There he goes again. Those same routine lines. Those same replayed words. Those same concerned eyes.

Jason refused to look at those eyes. He knew if he did he’d cave and just accept this. But he couldn’t.

“You need to leave, Bart.” He swallowed hard, regretting the words but not taking them back either. This needed to happen. For both of them.

“I don’t understand.” the smile in Bart’s voice was gone. What was left was just concern. Jason cried.

The first few tears slipped out unannounced until they all just started pouring out. Tears and broken sobs. He wiped them away quickly, eyes screwed shut. There was a tingling sensation like someone had grazed their fingers lightly, over his cheek. His hand was so cold.

“Don’t cry, Jaybird.” Bart soothed. Jason reminded himself he couldn’t look. If he looked it became real.

“Please stop, Bart. Just go.” He rubbed his eyes. The ear-ringing silence came back. In the back of his mind, Jason knew he’d be back, just like he always is. But he was alone for now, his thoughts leaving him in peace until the next time. He opened his eyes.

Jason felt like crying again. He didn’t want to push him away, he didn’t want to tell Bart to leave. He wanted nothing more than to cave in and just collapse, letting Bart’s words soothe everything away and kiss him until he didn’t feel anything but loved. To listen to his rambles again and be praised with every villain he didn’t kill.

He wanted all of that back, he wanted his speedster.

Whatever his mind was doing to him was sick. Bart was dead. He has been for some time.

The time the team found out Batman has a heart while simultaneously finding out Robin’s Identity...

There was an explosion during the mission. Unexpected, three down. But surprisingly, those three hadn’t suffered the worst of it. Sure, Atrimus had a sprained ankle and slight concussion, Wally suffered a few broken ribs and injured arm while Kaldur endured a broken nose and deep gash on his chest, they weren’t the one’s everyone was worried about. After they all split up, Wally and Dick had found the bomb with only a few seconds to spare. Wally used his body to cover Dick as he ran, ran as fast as he could to get him away but the force of it blew them out the window. Dick’s eyes widened as They fell, Wally’s arms still protectively tucking him into his chest while moving them so that he’d cushion the fall with his own body. The ebony seemed to have been in a trance after they landed on the grass below, fire raging and the team staggering out, Artimus being carried on conner’s back While m’gann helped Kaldur as he limped. Dick remained unresponsive, even as a very alive Wally had tried snapping him back. Then he went to shake him but this gut wrenching scream escaped the ebonys lips as he gripped his hair in anguish and doubled over with sobs. Everyone watched in surprise and horror as the youngest cried and screamed words in a language they didn’t understand.

That was then. They were all in the cave now, silently sitting in the living room without even trying to speak of what happened. No one even knew how to explain it. M’gann may have been able to read his emotion but they all felt it like it was their own as his screams continued to ring in their ears. His cries echoed through the halls as he was escorted to his room with Black Canary and refused to leave since. No one seemed to move.

“Recognized A01” the computer announced and they barely raised their heads to acknowledge the mentors presence.

“Wallace. Come with me.” He said in a rush as he could distantly hear his proteges cries. The ginger nodded absently but looked more like a husk as he followed. This snapped Kaldur out of his trained thoughts as he stood abruptly.

“I— would like to come, too!” He said, almost pleadingly. “I want to know what happened to my friend.

“No.” Batman said, still walking off, a hand on Wally’s back as he led them on faster.

“No?” The Atlantean scoffed.

“Well I don’t care what he says.” Artimus stood with a glare, seemingly pointed to nothing in particular. “I’m going to check on him.”

“Me too.” M’gann spoke from Conner’s chest. The feelings Robin was feeling leaked to her. The suffering of love and loss hit her like a roller coaster she wasn’t strapped into, the turns just daring her to fall out. Conner stood with her, still holding her as she didn’t seem metally stable to walk on her own. They all made the silent decision to go to see him. The closer they came to the bedrooms, the louder the screaming became. The wretch in their hearts slowed them until it came to a halt in front of a cracked open door with the sound of pure nightmarish shrieks. They looked amongst themselves before creaking the door open.

Robin was held tightly to Batman’s chest and sat in his lap on the bed as the man shushed him and pet his hair soothingly. Wally was sitting beside them, tears of his own running down his face.

“Tati, nu se vor opri. Vocile nu se vor opri!” (Daddy, they won't stop. The voices won't stop!) Robin sobbed into the man's chest, holding grips of his costume for his sanity.

“Richard, I need you to look at me.” The bat whispered to him quietly. Blue eyes looked up and the man wiped his tears with his thumb. “Wally is right here, by your side. Alive.” To prove it so, Wally grabbed one of the younger hands, the grip on Batman’s emblem coming undone to hold it tightly. “No one died tonight because you were able to tell the team on time.” Batman kissed the side of Dick’s head, rocking them slowly.

“Bruce… Mama and Papa… they…” Dick sniffled, silent tears trekking down his face, covering the dried paths.

“They’re gone.” Bruce said quickly. “They’ve been gone for years. You need to remember you still have a family.” He added quietly. “Barbra. Alfred. Me.”

“And you have me.” Wally’s voice broke as he joined with a small kiss to the boys knuckles that were white from his grip.

“They died because of me—” Dick sniffled, voice hitching in his throat.

“No no. They died so that you could live. I’m sure they’d be happy to die if it meant you stayed living in their memory.” Bruce corrected. Dick buried his face back into Bruce’s chest, Wally being pulled into the embrace as well. The others that stood at the door, unknown of what to do, left. The words spoken softly between the three all fresh in their memory, replaying like broken records. They all had trouble sleeping that night, quite possibly even more than Dick did. Though he had the comfort of Wally carefully spooning him and whispering sweet nothings while he drifted into restless oblivion. Needless to say, the team never saw Robin as a frail child again.

Yo, so my girlfriends little brother just asked me what tfw meant because I used it while we were texting. But here’s that thing: its direct translation is ‘that feel when’; however, that sentence is grammatically inaccurate. So I responded ‘those feelings when’ as to fix the sentence I had used it in. I. Need. Help.

Bart: Is that blood?

Tim: Where?

Bart: In your mouth

Tim: There's a cup of kimchin 30 centimeters from my mouth

Bart: Yes

Tim: What is the chance that blood is what I have in my mouth?

Bart: 1%?

Tim: 1%?

Bart: 1%

Tim: Less than 1%

Bart: 0.9%?

Tim: I think less

Bart: 0.3%?

Tim: Yeah, I think this is it

Bart: So, is that blood?

Tim: If there is a 0.3% chance of being blood what I have in my mouth, and a 99.7% chance of being kimchi what I have in my mouth, why do you ask me if it is blood what I have in the mouth?

Bart: Because there is a 0.3% chance of blood being what you have in your mouth!

Tim: Are you going to bet on a 0.3% chance ?!

Bart: I'm going!

Tim: Why ?!

Bart: Because I want to bet on a 0.3% chance!

Tim: Well, you're right

Bart: Am I?

Tim: I was eating kimchi and I bit my lip, satisfied?

Bart: So this is blood?

Tim: This is blood

Bart: So I did well to ask if it was blood!

Tim: Normally, you would be wrong

Bart: But this time I am correct

Tim: But it usually doesn't

Bart: But this time yes

Tim: By sheer luck

Bart: Admit I'm right!

Tim: FOR PURE LUCK

Bart: ADmit that I'm right!

Tim: Where is this conversation going to take?

Bart: I have no idea, I just wanted to know if it was blood!

Tim: That's blood!

Bart: Great!

Tim: It's not great, but I understand that you said "great" to finish the thought

Bart: Do you want a band-aid?

Tim: I want to!

Bart: I'll get it!

Tim: Thank you

Bart: What a useless conversation!

JUST POSTED THE FIRST CHAPTER OF THE FIC IVE BEEN HYPING SINCE YESTERDAY, WELCOME TO BART ALLEN APPRECIATION, BABY, HES FINALLY GETTING A HUG

inaccurate Batfam quotes #4

Tim, calling out: I'm leaving!

Jason: Where are you going?

Tim: Hell, most likely.

Jason: Oh, pick me up on the way.

Tim: Carpool?