Trying To Empathize W/ Your Mom And Understanding The Hardships She Went Through And How Much She Loved

fear of rejection be making me act CRAAAAZYY

A little less lonely

crying and sobbing bc at the end of the day all i want is a partner who is sweet to me and thinks of me fondly

Do forgotten things belong in dreams?

Surely, even the nights that slip away from the mind still yet cling to being.

Why else do we dream of both the most beautiful and the wondrous things?

What was left by another can mean everything to someone new.

Am I not good enough for you?

Having an emotionally absent but otherwise present father is fun stuff because you live with an unknown man your whole life and are supposed to put up with his shit AND love him like ex-fucking-cuse me

Jealousy is often portrayed as a toxic and/or abusive trait.

And I just want to talk about that for a minute, especially for those who struggle with jealousy because I think a lot of you might feel bad when you see those posts.

Jealousy itself is not inherently bad. Again, like with other emotions, the emotion itself is not bad. It's your behaviours that might become a problem. Jealousy is actually a really normal and common emotion. I feel like by constantly demonizing "jealousy" that people are less likely to get help for managing it when it gets out of hand for them, and this could be harmful to them in the long run.

For example, there's a difference between "How dare you talk to another friend! Clearly you don't care about me." and "I'm feeling a bit insecure. Could you please give me some reassurance?" There's a difference between pushing your partner to not have relationships outside of you, and communicating with your partner about how you can work together to make you feel less like you're being replaced.

Actions like not allowing a partner/friend to have other relationships because of jealousy, or blowing up at them because someone flirted with them or etc are not okay (I also want to say that if you've done things I've said are "not okay" in the past, that you aren't bad or beyond healing. You can learn from those mistakes and do better). But the emotion itself is not bad and there are healthy ways to handle it.

If you struggle with jealousy, you are not a bad person. You are not automatically abusive or anything like that.

something something i am terribly sad for my age and i think it might be a little in my head, or uncalled for, or my hand on my friends pantry doorknob as she tells me i can eat whatever i want because we’re at her house now (which warms me inside more than i want to tell her, and that fact is starting to burn) or cookie dough i made for the first time in the middle of the night because it’s easy and people like it and it’s a way to say i love you without actually telling. im glad i know my way around a kitchen but im not too sure when i learned. i’m pretty good so long as i don’t leave the stove on; i’m forgetful when it matters but i remember when it counts. i’m not too sure when i learned.

i want to cook for you, and i want you to like it, and i want my head to stay calm when i think of my body and how I could be spending this time to fix my grades and I need to do better at a lot, and most of all i want to cook for you and i want you to like it and i want so hard to believe my kitchen is any kitchen where i open the pantry and feel like that’s fine. i want to feel like that's fine.

don’t you wish milk was cheaper, and eggs, and the water bill and the price of gas so we can leave? don’t you wish it was easier for a kid who isn’t quite right to get a job around here? don’t you wish the job could pay for any of that at all, or at least be something worth my time? i think I'd like to be somewhere near you for at least forever. I wish I was always sure you loved me back and I was able to manage to drop eggs one way or another without the end of the world. i can make myself useful and bring you something I worked on to prove i love you, and I promise I'm trying, I'm not sure for what, but I know I really really want to stick around so please please let me, and do you still mean the thing you said about me being able to eat from your pantry? when do you want me home? I love you, so I can make us something nice.

splitting is just

no one will ever get to know me like you. you never even knew me at all. i don’t want to see you again. i miss you more than you’d understand. let me give you everything you need. why do you only take from me? i wish we could go back to how we were. it didn’t mean anything to me. you’re my world. i fucking hate you. maybe i’ve been the problem. all you do is fucking tear me apart. the distance has been hard on me. i’m thriving without you here. i know you always care. you don’t even think of me.