something something i am terribly sad for my age and i think it might be a little in my head, or uncalled for, or my hand on my friends pantry doorknob as she tells me i can eat whatever i want because we’re at her house now (which warms me inside more than i want to tell her, and that fact is starting to burn) or cookie dough i made for the first time in the middle of the night because it’s easy and people like it and it’s a way to say i love you without actually telling. im glad i know my way around a kitchen but im not too sure when i learned. i’m pretty good so long as i don’t leave the stove on; i’m forgetful when it matters but i remember when it counts. i’m not too sure when i learned.
i want to cook for you, and i want you to like it, and i want my head to stay calm when i think of my body and how I could be spending this time to fix my grades and I need to do better at a lot, and most of all i want to cook for you and i want you to like it and i want so hard to believe my kitchen is any kitchen where i open the pantry and feel like that’s fine. i want to feel like that's fine.
don’t you wish milk was cheaper, and eggs, and the water bill and the price of gas so we can leave? don’t you wish it was easier for a kid who isn’t quite right to get a job around here? don’t you wish the job could pay for any of that at all, or at least be something worth my time? i think I'd like to be somewhere near you for at least forever. I wish I was always sure you loved me back and I was able to manage to drop eggs one way or another without the end of the world. i can make myself useful and bring you something I worked on to prove i love you, and I promise I'm trying, I'm not sure for what, but I know I really really want to stick around so please please let me, and do you still mean the thing you said about me being able to eat from your pantry? when do you want me home? I love you, so I can make us something nice.
the problem with me is when i’m in love i’ll devote myself for eternity like a vampire
Notes goal post. Because why not.
I don't expect this to get very much attention, but I need motivation for some stuff so here we go I suppose
20 notes and I'll drink some water
50 and ill brush my teeth every night for the next week
100 and I'll start actually studying for my tests
150 and I'll weed my garden
200 and ill wash my hair regularly for the next month (like every other day)
300 ill start actually packing my lunches for school and eating them for two weeks
400 ill start eating food that's good for me, and have protein semiregularly
500 ill start taking my vitamins again so I can stop being malnourished
600 ill start going on walks again
700 ill clean my room
800 ill start reading and writing more
900 ill fully delete all of my suicide notes and wills that I've written
1000 ill throw away the razors
1500 ill be honest with my parents about all my physical issues and go to a medical professional
2000 ill ask my mom to let me go to therapy again
2500 ill stop starving myself when I'm mad at myself for one whole month
3000 I'll start like really trying again to be happy
5000 ill begin to actually try to be a good person, even considering my limits and all that
10000 ill listen to the entirety of welcome to nightvale (the real incentive here)
Spam allowed, tagging allowed, the deadline is October 22.
have fun
watching my close friends live their life normally hurts so much because i wanted to achive things too. seeing them study what they want and actually can do it, get what they want, not having any problems in life, good family, and etc... and then there is me whos life is just a whole failure. it makes me wanna kms more when i hear how their life is normal and good. because i will never have a life like theirs. and before eveything, i wont see the world like them again. i lost my spark. i feel empty all the time and i dont find any meaning in living. i cant enjoy even little things like them anymore. i wish i was them. but i'm not. i'll just die in this darkness, alone with my all thoughts. there is no chance for me to see the world same again.
New challenge for all my girlies and I
a boyfriend is just a guy you can sink your teeth into for recreational purposes
ayoooo who wants our souls to be so intertwined that i cant do simple tasks without being reminded of you and you can’t see anything without thinking of me lmaoooo 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂