Crazzyyyramblings - Crazy

watching my close friends live their life normally hurts so much because i wanted to achive things too. seeing them study what they want and actually can do it, get what they want, not having any problems in life, good family, and etc... and then there is me whos life is just a whole failure. it makes me wanna kms more when i hear how their life is normal and good. because i will never have a life like theirs. and before eveything, i wont see the world like them again. i lost my spark. i feel empty all the time and i dont find any meaning in living. i cant enjoy even little things like them anymore. i wish i was them. but i'm not. i'll just die in this darkness, alone with my all thoughts. there is no chance for me to see the world same again.

i crave being someone’s first choice so bad. why does no one ever choose me over others?

I think I want love more than prestigious education and money. That's what childhood emotional neglect gave me.

Idk if thats a bpd or a me thing

Them having fun:

:)

Them having fun without me:

:(

splitting is just

no one will ever get to know me like you. you never even knew me at all. i don’t want to see you again. i miss you more than you’d understand. let me give you everything you need. why do you only take from me? i wish we could go back to how we were. it didn’t mean anything to me. you’re my world. i fucking hate you. maybe i’ve been the problem. all you do is fucking tear me apart. the distance has been hard on me. i’m thriving without you here. i know you always care. you don’t even think of me.

"Scratch that. I want to be loved. I want her to love me."

INTRODUCTION, I Would Leave Me If I Could, Halsey

"So you're a people pleaser? Let's flip this around. You're a person too. Please yourself."

Actual quote from my coworker today. And man did that hurt.

just a little life update: unlovable!