Creaturebeeing - I-might-bite

Research on transsexuals also shows how the elicitation of deference depends on the type of man one is perceived to be. Based on in-depth interviews with 29 transmen, Schilt (2006) found that whereas white transmen beginning to work as men were taken more seriously, had their requests readily met, and were evaluated as more competent than they were as women, young, small Black, Latino, and Asian transmen did not gain similar advantages. Similarly, in her interview study of 18 transmen, Dozier (2005) found that, as men, white transmen reported being given more respect and more conversational space and being included in men's banter. They also experienced less public harassment. Transmen of color, on the other hand, reported being more frequently treated as criminals, and short and effeminate transmen reported being publicly harassed as gay. Gaining the full privileges of manhood is thus shown to depend not merely on being recognized as male, but on the whole ensemble of signs that are conventionally taken as evidence of a masculine self.

— Men, Masculinity, and Manhood Acts by Douglas Schrock and Michael Schwalbe (2009)

no fucking way

Tragedy and vet bills have suddenly drained us of rent money.

cw: animal death, animal sickness

Rory, my beautiful sweet baby boy of almost 13 years, died last night. He got out of the apartment somehow and I found him in the grass a street over from us. There were no signs of anything violent happening to him, so he must have gotten into something toxic. It had only been a few hours since everyone in the house had last seen him.

I am utterly devastated. Rory had been with me through five moves and several traumatic experiences. He meant the world to me.

This tragedy also struck the night I was literally waiting on bated breath for our paycheck to drop, because our dog, Hela, has been very sick for the past few days and we couldn't afford to take her to the vet until we got paid.

Hela appears to be in much better spirits today and after seeing the vet and getting medication for her, that anxiety is on the back burner for now.

Our main concern now is that fact that we are short on rent. The vet bill for Hela's needs and Rory's cremation just set us back by nearly $700 and we owe our landlord $1070. We're going to start getting $25 a day late fees tacked on if we aren't paid up by the 6th.

I'm running on about 2hrs of sleep right now and I haven't done much of anything today except cry or stare blankly at a wall. I'm pulling myself together long enough to put together this post, because no matter how badly I just want to curl up in a ball right now, I need to do something in order to keep the roof over our heads.

p@ypal. me/chaosqueer

v3nmo: @chaosqueer

c@shapp: @chaosqueer

🇧🇷. Hora de ir trabalhar 😉

🇱🇷. Time to go to work 😉

Hey, fellow fantasy nerds, I invite you to vibe along to this lesser known early 2000s fantasy banger 

The strange and surreal furniture by Korean designer/artist Lila Jang.

Okay I made a gofundme to help pay for hotel stays and the last of my top surgery fees. I’ve never done this before so I’m extremely uncomfortable and feeling Very Bad about it, but here’s the link. There is going to be absolutely no guilt-tripping here so don’t feel in any way obligated to give me money lol. Oh ew I also just realized this has my full name on it. Big yikes there

gofundme.com

Top Surgery Fund, organized by Mason Tufts

My name is Mason and I’m raising money to help pay for my top surgery on June 8th. I never thought this … Mason Tufts needs your support fo

coming out and being out as a queer person is an act of bravery no matter who you are, and you deserve to be recognized for having that courage.

by june bates

Hey! I have personally really enjoyed all the guides you have written about cruising, Grindr and your other sex guides. Would you be interested (or maybe I have completely missed this) about writing a guide to sex as a disabled person? I am personally very interested in sex but scared to join the party and cruising culture because of my disability, chronic pain and discomfort (and my questioning to how I can keep covid safe in hook up culture).

Hi there!

This was a complicated ask for me to receive, I think, because it made me very happy to be asked and that someone is asking and feels empowered to ask, but also I just don't feel I'm equipped to answer it - I think that in the past year or two I've been unpacking a lot of feelings about disability and particularly the ways in which I mask or just don't openly discuss disability with ableds and randoms, there's a lot of old anxiety and pain there for me that I'm just not done working with.

Basically, I'm not equipped, I don't think, to write more extensively about cruising and casual sex with disability in mind as I'm exploring it, especially as I've become a lot more disabled in recent years.

I will say that like... For me, what's been most positive in my sex life, and indeed my life as a whole, is being in community with other disabled people, and sex with other disabled people, particularly those who either have similar disabilities to my own and/or who have a lot of experience with others who are similarly disabled, means that they're going to be more aware of my potential limitations.

For me, being autistic and also having various issues - arthritis, some old injuries probably as a result of hypermobility or whatever, my asthma - means that I'm often not very cognizant of my limitations until I reach those limitations exactly, and then I'm immediately like, okay, I have to stop RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW.

With other disabled people, autistic or otherwise, I don't have an issue tapping out like that - and with partners who aren't physically disabled or chronically ill, but are still autistic or otherwise neurodivergent, that's grand. But with like, normie hookups on Grindr? That's a lot more complex.

Like, I frequently don't use words like "arthritis" or similar, I might mention that I have an injury, but normally just that I prefer certain positions, until after we've had sex because of the ways in which people treat and desexualise disabled bodies - a while back I had a hook up, mentioned my arthritis after fucking, and he was immediately like, "Oh, there's this crystal healer on YouTube" etc lmao.

So yeah, I would recommend seeking community with other disabled people if you can - a lot of BDSM spaces and broader BDSM communities tend to have a lot of disabled people in them. Obviously a lot of the older veterans in these communities will become more disabled as they grow older, and so elder members (as in actually old and elderly, not Tumblr's definition of "elder" that's like 30+ lmao) of kink and queer communities, but also disabled people for various reasons are often drawn to kink and power play and different forms of sex work, and subsequently our expertise shows up a lot in these communities. You can always enter these spaces for the social benefits even if you're not interested in or able for harder play, etc.

One benefit about these is that there'll frequently be more online spaces or smaller, more limited munches - I obviously can't promise that people in your area will definitely be covid safe or even super covid aware, but you should at the very least be able to check these boundaries online before you approach them in person, or if you approach them at all, you know?

I did an interview with Transpired Media a few weeks ago, and part of mine and Anonsee Maytrix's discussion was about our respective experiences being desexualised as disabled trans people in queer communities, and while I don't have any more extended guides or similar, this video might scratch a bit of an itch?

But yeah, I just don't feel like I have more valuable advice or useful input, I'm afraid, as I'm still exploring my own feelings and limitations myself other than just... going stealth about being disabled.

I'd definitely encourage people to put their own resources in the replies and reblogs if they do desire!