Pie Prank Gone Wrong

Me explaining Jason lore to a friend:

Me: So his dad goes to jail and then he takes care of his mom while she's sick and develops addiction but she dies and then he's on the streets, where he's like, starving. But then he tries to steal the wheels of the Batmobile and meets Batman!

Her: oh nice

Me: yeah, after a quick stint in a terrible group home he's taken in by Batman and becomes Robin and he's an absolute sweetheart, he has his issues sometimes but like they're so understandable and he's the cutest! And then he may or may not kill a man after finding the body of his victims who killed herself, and then he finds out his mom wasn't his bio mom so he runs away to find her, but he tells her he's robin and then she betrays him and sells him out the Joker, who brutally beats him up with a crowbar! And then there's a bomb that explodes and he tries to shield his bio mom from the blast! And she still dies! And he also dies! At fifteen years old!

Her: wait what

Me: and then he wakes up in his grave

Her : oh no

Me: and he has to dig himself out.

Her: what

Me: and then he immediately gets hit by a fucking car and is brought to the hospital where he immediately falls into a coma

Her: wtf

Me: and then he's catatonic because of brain damage

Her: ...

Me: It gets worse.

hate when people are like "trust your gut! listen to your intuition!" like okay well my gut is telling me every person i lay eyes on is hunting me for sport and my intuition is saying i should find a secluded cave and live there forever so what do you suggest i do with that information

Diversity win! The horniest person you know is on the asexual spectrum

bok bok bok bok baaawk 🐔

things jon missed while stalking his colleagues:

the fact that sasha had been half lined up for gertrude's job and how that would be a pretty good murder motive

the discrepancy between elias's hiring in 1991 and how he said he was working as a filing clerk in 1972

tim's brother's mysterious disappearance/death directly preceding his change in careers

martin's real age and literally any of his academic or employment history

conclusion: he's bad at this <3

Oh alice..you would have loved Tim pls don't end up like him <3

just watched Grian's video from yesterday where he ends it by saying that Cleo is gonna return any second now, but also Cleo just tweeted that they're still a hundred thousand blocks away, which results in the hilarious mental image of permit office!Grian standing in front of a nether portal for fourteen hours, occasionally looking at his watch and saying "aaany second now", entirely unmoving.