Crystalbrain-web Spider 1/1 NFT On OpenSea
crystalbrain-web spider 1/1 NFT on OpenSea
ok so this is some real motherfucking shit dropped down from god's asshole like an asteroid of feces.
it says "web" and it could be construed as a web, i guess. but its motherfuckin' got a spideer on it! yes, spideers are par for the course for crack-smoking interdimensional reaganites. i mean every time we'd see one at the white house reagan would push a button and dudes would come up with these fuckin hoses full of bug killer yeah? and then we'd get to see a spideer die a horrible death. whut are my cocksucking, cunt-kicking thoughts on green spiders? i say those motherfuckers are radioactive and i don't want them uraniuming up my shit, capeche? even if u bring in some plutonium-proof suit or some shit near me just keep the motherfuckin green spider away from me, do u understand?
i haven't even addressed the question of "why" there's a green spideer there, what the punctuation marks are doing on it, and what the fuck the point of this all is. i guess the point is that green spideers are kind of like pop culture, and they can grow on u liek a cancerous tumor. see we get in ur head with pop culture, we're not jacking off or joking that we've got lotsa shit we need to control ur minds with, and that's our green spidierman. peter farker, spidier man.
see, back in the the 1980s we had a bunch of shit we could use to get people to be cool with us doing things. we had tv, radio, the music industry, the media. they pumped out this notion of some super-dude called a superman or some shit and it was cool like a college campus in antarctica. but then some people didn't liek this superman, and that is what we need teh motherfucking green spidiers for: to hunt these people down and turn them into peter farkers to our cause of money-making.
More Posts from Crystalbrain7 and Others
crystalbrain-reagan of death NFT on opensea.io
ok, so liek the 1980s had this dude named reagan, my crack cocaine smokin buddy. and when we smoked crack, it was because we had an infinite supply of something called MONEY. yes, god himself gave us shitloads of cash, handing it out of a TV liek some kind of ghoul. so anyways, this NFT is a tribute to a few different things from teh 80s: JAPANESE appliances, RICH PEOPLE with money, CRACK COCAINE, and teh DEVIL. yes, there were many people afraid of teh devil so i added a little inverted pentagram liek from teh forehead of some baphomet drawn by eliphas levi or some shit, but there is a TEN HEADED REAGAN who is sodomizing himself with money, but you can't really tell from the image. yes, reagan would get into god's secret stash of cash with oral roberts and teh devil, and we'd roll around frollicking burning 100 dollar bills and smoking huge amounts of rock cocaine. yes, i said oral roberts, and he knew ALL ALONG that god wasn't going to kill him if he didn't raise $1 million, but he just wants some money to add 2 the pile so he could smoke ridiculous amounts of CRACK with us. it was truly a great time to be a rich guy being groomed by dudes spouting greek philosophy, bcuz they would give u piles of crack cocaine and cash to ur 10 year old ass or whatever, it was such a great, great tiem in history, installed so many dictators in third world countries, yes.
now as i was laying on a pile of cash being fellated by unspeakable demons i decided 2 play famicom (which is teh japanese nintendo, yes) on a special tv with a famicom on it, but then TEH DEVIL possesses teh TV just to mess with me, and then reagan gets up and fucks teh TV in the ass to create an alternate dimensional version of me, and we try to beat each other at a game called urban champion which is a fighting game that SUCKED bcuz street fighter II was still years away. but anyways, it was quite a trip…while we were rolling around in that pile of cash we got so much cocaine and devil sperm on dollar bills, which is why u will notice that dollar bills from the 1980s smelled liek COCAINE and SEMEN. i am beside myself with laughter, it was a great trip being teh personal fucktoy of the world's leaders, with oral roberts, pat robertson and the pope taking turns on my ass while various republican politicians and donald trump got teh other end.
anyways, this television is a tribute to REAGAN, CRACK, MONEY, AND POWER!!
crystalbrain-wings of seven NFT 1/1
send ur 0.034 ETHs here:
what can i say about seven??? it's such a cool number! if u were a man with wings leik an angel or some shit liek that, u would have seven limbs right?? i'm going to say that this picture gives u wings because the salesman who sells crack in my brain said to promise this to my buyers. beware i can't verifify if this is actually true, so DISCLAIMER: i am full of shit possibly but maybe not. but what else can i say about this??? it's green, liek dollar bills i guess, which is kind of a neat thing if ur looking to buy a house or eat or have some fuel for ur rich guy fireplace. so as for the number seven, i can't possibley say enuff good shtuff. yeah the bible has some dumb shit going on in sevens but u can forget about this, because this is a non-christian seven, leik if u were a buddhist and u wanted this seven, u could have it without any of that bowls of gods wrath stuff.
what else can i possilby say about this? it looks liek it grew from an ancient civilization that exists on a leaf or sumthin, i can say that. wouldn't it be cool if ancient civilizations possibly with aliens grew on leaves? i would totally freak out and spooge if that were the case and i'd use my two wings to fly to the moon or something to tell the people on the moon about it. i mean no one on earth would believe me except for those dudes that take too much LSD or mushrooms, but on the moon, I dunno, maybe? or maybe on neptune because its the 7th planet from the sun, that would work cool i guess.
so if u want complicicated patterns in sevens u can totally take out ur ETHs and buy this NFT which i offer to ur brain.
crystalbrain-rectal trump NFT 1/1 on opensea.io
ok, so the thing about this is that this is teh RECTAL TRUMP, yes, this is what teh CIA wanted to do to donald j. trump, which is SHIT ON HIS FACE. this fact which is 100% true is becuz he was such an annoying sonuvabitch, we couldn't get him to do anything right. he had his own uninfoformed opinions about everything, he wouldn't listen 2 us or smoke crack, he was such a fucking shitface and this tribute is the 100% desire of crystalbrain to put FECES ON DONALD TRUMP'S FACE. yes u see him peering into eternity's rectum, and crystalbrain ate alternate dimensional versions of trump in order 2 send a huge amount of dump at trump. if u look closely u will see that the crap is made of TRUMP HIMSELF.
the thing about trump is that he's liek teh guy at the party who won't shut up. now i don't know about you, but here at crystalbrain's organization we take great pleasure in laying a log cabin on the faces of people who won't shut teh fuck up about how great they are. no, this is definitely what donald j trump had coming 2 him, he is totally covered in shit and this is a good thing for the future of humanity. we don't liek his ass so he gets 2 get a load out of ours!! we had 2 get minions 2 tie him down but in teh end it was worth it because teh stupid sonuvabitch finally shut up once he was choking on our excrement. imagine this for teh future of mankind: donald j trump UTTERLY HUMILIATED by SHIT.
don't even get me started on what we have planned for vladimir putin lol.
crystalbrain-george dubya bush commemoration NFT 1/1 opensea.io
ok, so liek when it comes 2 cocaine, i think he kind of wussed out. yeah y'all probably heard the rumors that he'd do it and believe me there was a time or two when he'd snort it off of my gay ass crack, but really george dubya bush was more about the man on man anal sex and fellatio. he was kind of a partier and man he'd totally have all kinds of women pretendin 2 laugh at his jokes after he drank some beer or some shit, but he just could not get into the hardcore crack cocaine smokin' lifestyle that me and reagan and his dad were into. we'd microwave up an ounce into a bunch of rocks and he'd be liek "naahhh, do you got any powder left in teh bag", and then we'd make fun of him, liek i'd get up behind him and pull his pants down and we'd laugh at the size of his penis, which was kinda small. and don't get me started on saddam, when i'd be whipping saddam in my batman suit he'd be liek "omg u gotta do that to me" and i'd be thinking "this guy is such a bottom". anyways one time i was peeing on his face and i noticed that he'd actually left some blow on the table; liek he didn't even do cocaine even though it was there, which breaks the first rule of ruling this world, which is that u have 2 do as much cocaine as possible.
and don't get me started on this "compassionate conservatism" bullshit, we warned him that we gotta be ruthless, liek i'm talking full on "drop a bomb into your motherfucking house when your kids are home", machine gunnin motherfuckers with depleted uranium, cocaine smuggling, full on roman-style torturing shit is par for the course, u can't maek those motherfuckers think u REALLY believe in good and evil. its liek this guy knew he was bullshittin' but he still pretended liek he was a good person. liek, hello? no dude, do ur cocaine, execute ur criminals and shut the fuck up. he even called out saddam hussein 4 gassing his own people. liek ok dude, who is he gonna gas, himself? that shit's just whack. this guy i never lieked, he was just sooooo confused. liek he actually believed in morals or something secretly and he was just tryin 2 be a psychopath bcuz his mother had weak genes she gave him or some shit. what the fuck is wrong with u dubya? were u just in it for the gay sex and NOT teh drugs? i'd hate to think that about u but then again i never lieked u anyways.
crystalbrain-failed megalomaniac putin 1/1 NFT on opensea
mr. putin was always a difficulty. wtf is he invading countries crystalbrain didn't give him permission to invade? if ur going 2 invade a country, u better make sure u have crystalbrain on ur side or he'll ritually sodomize u while smoking a huge rock of crack cocaine, which is the fate that awaits vladimir putin. yes, he will be anally humiliated and made 2 be the bottom of some serious man-on-man action. u don't go invade ukraine if crystalbrain says no, or the CIA says no, or u will fall from grace. we have zelenskyy all pissed off becuz u invaded his country, wtf were u doing, drinking that vodka shit? u need to have a nice session with our buddies in intel and share ur sexual exploits while getting high with us, that's ur problem mr. putin, u don't know how to have fun so u kill ppl.
now, u will find that there's going 2 be lots of ukrainian soldiers blowing the shit out of everything u send at them becuz ur a dumbass, and that's what happens 2 dumbasses that can't fight wars right and don't know how to handle their crack cocaine and listen 2 repressed homosexuals who wanna pretend liek they're some kind of right-wing philosopher asshole who's 2 afraid of anal sex so he fucks over russia with his dumbass thoughts. imagine 4 a second if u could stop drinking vodka 4 a moment and think about what ur actually doing. u will find that its some dumbass shit. no one lieks u, we all think ur some kind of guy with a failed country that he had a chance 2 maek into a great eden of debauchery but he instead sent all the dudes off to get their asses blown off by HIMSARs
ur a fuckin dumbass putin and u fell from grace dude, if hell still existed even satan would kick u out.
crystalbrain-crack cocaine for the soul 1/1 NFT ethereum
ok, so crystalbrain got introduced 2 crack cocaine by this dude in the motherfuckin' CIA in a VR simululation to train nicaraguan rebels. he had a glass pipe which he put a flame 2 and he took a hit and all of a sudden it was liek a hailstorm of nun-killings just jumped into his brain liek a complete disasterpiece of youphoric wonderfulness. this was after having a gay orgy with manuel noriega and some colombian dudes and it was a perfect moment of spectackular crack rock hitting wonder. this was not the first time crystalbrain had done drugs, no, he had smoked marijuana, tripped on psilocybin mushrooms, dosed on LSD, gotten fucking jacked on speed, taken benzos, rolled on ecstacy, inhaled huge balloons full of nitrous oxide, gone to other dimensions on salvia divinorum, snorted heroin, chugged cough syrup, gotten blown out of his mind on DMT, and this among probably hundrededs of other reasons is why crystalbrain did not live up to his full potential as a contributing member of the matrix.
but being with CIA agents smoking huge rocks of crack cocaine as a test 2 see if crack was a good idea 2 fill the ghettos of america with in order to be a proper instrurument of the government to keep poor people jonesin 4 a hit, he decidided that what his soul really, really deep down craved was an extatic union with the god…of crack. yes, crystalbrain had met his new god, and being 10 years old and fondled by ronald reagan he decided he would go on a mission 2 get every threat 2 the status kwo hooked on this incredibly racist form of cocaine. he snuck around on an alternate form of existence putting telepathic thoughts to buy roses in glass toobs in the inner cities of amerikkka and it was his complete desire that not only should everyone who was poor smoke crack, that eventually aliens would put the entire planet earth into one big crack pipe and take a gigantic hit off of the pipe and get high for liek…15 minutes. and thus crystalbrain went back 2 school and started selling crack cocaine 2 his classmates in the school bathroom.
it was not known at the tiem but crack cocaine made its way through multiple layers of existence, and so there were demons smoking crack, angels smoking crack, and there was god himself sittin' on his throne smoking a big fat dime rock of crack with his donations from churches. satan got in on the game and started smoking crack, but this was just in the judeo-christian realm of existence. there were buddhas smoking crack, lao tzu's force ghost was smoking crack, in the star wars universe obi wan kenobi was smoking crack with anakin, and everyone in the entire multiverse was having a great time getting high on crack. but then they all got addicted and started selling their assholes to buy crack, and then the DEA became an interdimensional entity and forced its way through the multiverse, and everyone got busted because they were selling and smoking so much crack.
crystalbrain-citrusixtyone nft 1/1
https://zora.co/collections/0xAD13f56d7436e7dF10B9c271DBB849caDC39fc75/1
here’s what i had to say about this nft.
whoa ok, i guess some imps that were laughing at someone's face told them in their neurons that i should make a fuckin orange thing as art. and this, my friend, is fuckin orange as can be. my dad (actually the superego in my crystalbrain) says its brownish, not orange, but i disagree with him, he's totally trying to assert his dominance in the field of color interpretation and i'm going to beat him right in the face with an orange if he does not relent and offer his apologies that this is fuckin orange as fuck. i don't know, is there like a sunset that could be as cool as this? i don't know, i think i'm going to offer an orange in exchange for my soul in the caves of some lost gods with like fucking rotten oranges on some altar cuz some guy left them there and forgot about them when he asked the orange god if he'd do stuff for him. i know this isn't cute, i know i have sixty five fucking neurons left after all of the philosophers ate them but if you give me a chance i will exchange some orange with you as a token of my eternal gratitude, i am totally going to win this, this is not a joke, you will have my friendship and an orange (not a brown).
ok, so that’s what i said about it. i have to remind u all (yes, “u” not “you”) that 61 cygni is the brightest motherfucking star in the sky, and that its also called deneb. its also a BINARY STAR which means that its dual as in if the stars had guns they could fuckin duel with each other because there’s TWO of them. however, this nft motherfucking is 1/1, so only one dude with ethereum can own it. are you still with me? reading this much stupidity requires some serious pre-interwebs attentionion span, so i am tellling u that u must buy this NFT if u like oranges, people saying things are what they are when they’re not, the star deneb, or duality in general.
if u buy this nft, i offer oranges as a token of my friendendship.
other NFTs and also free experimental music offered on this motherfucking page:
https://undefinedlabelnoise.com/
crystalbrain-laser eye NFT 1/1
send ur 0.034 ETHs to:
ok, i got sumthin to tell u. its a secret. the laser, its liek HAL in 2069 a space fuckassy, which is my imaginary porno based on 2001 a space odddessy by stanlee koobrick. but this time there is a laser in the middle between two sets of brests, because this is the ideal place for a red light coming from a robot. but this is no regular porno, no this is a porno for robots, who are built for the sole porpoise of selling pornos to them. by making masturbation robots, u can then create a market to sell pornos 2 them. its brilliant for money making, and that's what syfy porno is about right?? right???
i know these don't look liek breasts, but they are syfy breasts since nerds cant get real brests this is the best i could do with. maybe they're robot brests???? i got a good idea, liek if u were on a space ship with a bunch of doods going 2 jupiter or wherever the fuck and the machine tried to fuck u instead of kill u, wouldn't u be happier? this is why 2069 a space fuckassy is a superior flick to 2001, even if 2001 has fantasy shit by director stanlee koobrick. r u with me people? robot sex = better than robot killing. i know arthur see clark wrote a novel aboot 2001, but that shit didn't happen, we didn't go to jupiter or wherever the fuck in a psychedelic tunnel of wtf in 2001, so we'll all have sex on a spaceship in 2069 instead.
do u people capeesh or do i have 2 go on????
crystalbrain-flower of aerisithe NFT 1/1
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check it out! there was this girl i fell in love with but it was dumb because i knew she was going to die because some motherfucker on a website called square.net from liek 1997 ruined the scene just liek i'm telling u what happens in the game, but it was a game that is forever known as FINAL FANTASY VII, and it looks bettah in caps because fuck yeah, capital letters.
but anyways this brain had its nervousity system hooked up to a tv and it was SHIT because he was playing this game and REALLY lieked this character a LOT, but he totally knew she would be KILLED. and her name was……..don't look if u haven't played the game…AERIS.
yeah i guess its a plot point that totally remaps ur psyche into thinking the girl with ancient healing powers and shit needs to totally die by some named after a bunch of spheres that grow on a tree in a mysticital tradition, but these guys made SO MUCH MONEY fucking with my little brain. i totally couldn't believe that they had this guy with a sword just come down from the sky all cool liek but then he just KILLS AERIS. what the FUCK. if i were human i'd be in 7th grade and be liek, ok, i'm traumatized.
but what else was going on besides FINAL FANTASY VII? there was a lot of popularity with STAR WARS, which is a franchise owned by disney now and they've leik totally fucked it in the ass i heard but i didn't bother to watch, but they got these dudes called SITHS. leik, darth vader is a sith. and darth vader is totally the kind of guy who would KILL AERIS i guess, but maybe not? i don't know, but what if AERIS were a sith, leik she had healing powers but she could totally CHOKE YOUR ASS WITH HER FIST IN THE AIR.
then there is absinthe which is a kind of poisonous drink that fucks your brain cells in the ass and erases ur memory, so i put an E after sith to maek it liek AERISITHE
so put it all together, u got AERISITHE. a woman who's good hearted with ancient healing powers who fucking chokes her enemies tho and erases the memory of her demise and UNFUCKS the universe. and this is my tribute to this unfucking mind bender. THERE.
crystalbrain-trump micropenis
ok, donald j. trump just doesn't understand teh whole CIA thing, which is that we have constant, orgiastic, cocaine-fueled man-on-man sex orgies. we didn't know why, but evenentually we figured out why donald trump has no fuckin gay sex with us: he has a very, very, very small penis. eye think that trump paid stormy daniels money 2 say that his penis looked liek toad from mario kart becuz this is actually a compliment compared 2 the reality of trump's incredibly small penis. it is really small, at first i thought i was looking at a clitoris but it was not the case becuz there was a nutsaq underneath it, and it was liek just a tiny little dick with two gigantic balls that apparently maek him act even dumber than me. he was really bitchy about cocaine acting all holier than though about it but we eventually got his ass to do a line. he wouldn't smoke crack becuz his two gigantic manballs made him a testosterone filled racist but since cocaine is for rich ppl he thought, we were able 2 convince him 2 at least try it. all i gotta say is that donald trump out-assholed everyone, every CIA agent was completely baffled as 2 how someone could be such a grandiosose asshole and i for one did not want him near teh cocaine again. he didn't know how 2 be a world leader, becuz he couldn't handle his cocaine.
so anyways, he doesn't listen 2 our coke-addled advice and then the fucker turns on us and tries 2 get rid of teh legislature we control, leik hello? we're teh CIA, we were on to your ass the second u wouldn't show us ur penis, did u not know that we used interdimensional superpowers 2 keep u from overthrowing our cool little circle of rich cocaine heads? u think ur a real machivellian but ur not realistic enough, ur just leik a really dumb schoolyard bully who's mad cuz he got a D minus on a math quiz and his dad fucked him in the ass as punishment. seriously, what can i say that hasn't been said about u? oh, i know, u call hentai "japanese cartoons" but these are actually sex demons that ur penis will never experience.
because its too fuckin' small.
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crystalbrain is deadly serious about being contemptibly stupid and also making digital art.
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