Very Heavy Stuff Today, But I Need To Get It Off My Chest

very heavy stuff today, but i need to get it off my chest

i dont exactly know how tumblr does the whole "read more" thing, so there's gonna be a spam of line breaks and after that read at your own risk. I dont even know what kinda TWs this would qualify under so consider this your "bad shit under here you've been warned"

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I am so fucking close to snapping i swear to neptune, allah, fucking buddha, any god that is fucking out there why do i have to be such a broken, useless piece of shit. fucking AAAAAAAAAAAAA im so fucking tired, so fucking tired of only existing to be beaten, used and abused then forgotten. Fuck my fucking life. It's never getting better, people keep fucking telling me that same platitude but i've been waiting two fucking decades for it to just magically "get better" and guess what IT FUCKING DOESNT. Im not even a real fucking person, im a goddamn *shard* of what used to be a person. im incapable of taking care of myself, incapable of ever "functioning" in modern society. all im ever going to be is someone's fucking retard burden to drag them down for the rest of my natural born fucking life. I look hideous, im completely disabled because of decades of constant mind-breaking trauma and will likely never recover, the country i live in is going to shit, im absolutely penniless with no hope of ever having an income. what fucking future is there. At this point im about ready to just give up, let go of the controls and let myself fade into nothing. There's two more fucking backup personalities in here maybe they wont be such fuckups. I was made to be a weapon, a survival-mode emergency shield and nothing more, i cant survive actual life. I cant even be someone's fucking malewife housecat and be pampered all day because i spun the orientation wheel and got "Dom-top". How the fuck does that work when i can barely get off the couch in the morning? when i have to be kept pretty much on fucking life support by someone else or ill literally drown in my own garbage. Maybe the bronchitis i had as an infant was meant to kill me and this is the world's way of correcting its mistake. Holy fuck here's to hoping i get hit by a meteor, like to charge reblog to fucking nail me like the dinosaurs.

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Vent over, here's a fish as a palate cleanser