Well No It’s Actually Not Funny Anymore Thanks For Asking.

🥁BANDMATE!JIMIN HEADCANNONS

warnings: he’s lwk an asshole. garageband!au. bassguitarist!reader. mid 2000s. smoking. tae, kook, & yoongs are the other members. (emo bangtan save me)

lulu speaks: um hi🧍🏻‍♀️very slight variation of skaterboy!jimin bc im still at the restaurant. he’s rodrick heffley in a different font 😌 ( a bit more of a dick)

𖤐 bandmate!jimin who drums like he’s fighting someone—sticks flying, muscles flexed, jaw clenched, sweat dripping down his temple—and then he throws you a cocky little grin mid-song. you die.

𖤐 bandmate!jimin who taps his drumsticks on everything. his thigh, your kitchen countertop, your spine when he walks behind you.

𖤐 bandmate!jimin who taught you how to light a cigarette once a few years ago, and ended up liking how the smoke curled out of your mouth just a little too much. now, he always lights them for you without warning—placing one between your open lips mid-sentence, flicking his lighter, watching you like it’s art.

𖤐 bandmate!jimin who calls you “bass bitch” when he’s being annoying, but if someone outside the band even utters an insult your way, he’ll come back grinning with a busted lip.

𖤐 bandmate!jimin who bites back a laugh whenever you make a joke. he thinks you’re hilarious, he’s just got a reputation to uphold.

𖤐 bandmate!jimin who insists on sharing cigarettes with you because it’s “half the lung damage”. it’s really because he likes the taste your lipgloss leaves on the head of the cigarette.

𖤐 bandmate!jimin who lounges around your house after rehearsal. see, it’d be normal since your other bandmates do it—jungkook curled up in the living room couch, yoongi petting your family cat, taehyung rummaging through your pantry—but of course it’s not normal. because jimin insists on sitting on your countertop…shirtless.

𖤐 bandmate!jimin who hates when you flirt with other guys, which he makes half-apparent with little comments like “he looks like a douche”, “does he even know what real music is?” later that night, he plays his drums harder than he ever has before. he can’t meet your eyes. callouses form on the parts of his hand where he grips his sticks.

𖤐 bandmate!jimin who almost missed his starting cue when you wore ripped fishnets and combat boots to a gig. after the show, you muttered “what the hell was that?”. he didn’t talk the whole ride home. wouldn’t look you in the eye, either.

𖤐 bandmate!jimin who will say things like, “that’s an ugly ass shirt,” and then proceed to stare you down like you are the only woman on the planet.

𖤐 bandmate!jimin who once got caught sketching you in the margins of a setlist by yoongi. he didn’t even look up, just said, “you better keep your mouth shut if you wanna keep your hands.”

𖤐 bandmate!jimin who carved your initials in his nth pair of drumsticks. he took care of them like they were made of gold.

𖤐 bandmate!jimin who smudges his eyeliner just right.

𖤐 bandmate!jimin who insists on burning you new CDs every few weeks. they’re full of songs that are inside jokes, sprinkled with some of his faves. sandwiched in between songs are short voice recordings of him either yapping your ear off or mumbling lyrics he thought of when he was stoned.

𖤐 bandmate!jimin who always smells like that shitty, stupid cologne he stole from his older brother.

𖤐 bandmate!jimin who silently admires the way you manage to play the most toe-curling guitar solo with your bare fingers—sometimes with fresh, short acrylics on.

lulu speaks pt2: hi i don’t like this ok bye

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JOON GIRLS FOR KIKI NATION 🗣️🗣️

we are currently in a namjoon fic DROUGHT. why are the only things i can find either straight pwp, or long ass series that are 45k words every chapter. guys. literally just make the exact jk fics ur making…but just switch the names or something 💔

this might be super niche but one of my most adamant memories of my early wattpad days was THIS FIC. ohmygod. it was one of the first things that came up when i searched “kim namjoon” back in the day, and BOY am i glad i read it.

it’s so beautiful. so prime wattpad era. corny, cheesy, light smut, oh. my. days. love it. i keep it so close to my heart, i reread it like every month. AND ITS PINK HAIR JOON THEMED 🗣️🗣️ i’ve never loved a fic like i love this one.

📔 CLASSPRESIDENT!JIMIN HEADCANNONS

warnings: classpresident!jimin x brainsandbrawns!reader. he’s basically a smarter & bitchier tristan dugray. private school au. long time rivals with tension. power couple who isn’t a couple yet but SO should be. rich boy with a pride problem.

lulu speaks: he’s hot i want him BHADDD

✎ classpresident!jimin whose parents are part of the school board, and are the main funders of the school.

✎ classpresident!jimin who ran for class president and won by a landslide. it was mostly because his peers are scared to death of him, and because nobody else even bothered to run against him.

✎ classpresident!jimin who finishes physics tests 20 minutes early and leaves students feeling like idiots just for glancing at their calculator.

✎ classpresident!jimin who will give you detention for being late and then walk you to class himself, smirking the entire time down.

✎ classpresident!jimin who pulls your chair out and holds the door for you, but not for anyone else. ever. if someone points it out, he brushes it off with, “she’s too high-maintenance to be trusted with a door.”

✎ classpresident!jimin who shoots anyone who makes you laugh death stares, but only because he knows he’s never even been close to doing that—and he’ll likely never be.

✎ classpresident!jimin who absolutely sabotages anyone who tries to date you. he grades them harshly on their assignments because he’s a TA, tells teachers they were talking during a fire drill, spreads rumors that could ruin careers, all while you are blissfully unaware.

✎ classpresident!jimin who pretends he doesn’t remember your valentine’s day kiss from 4th grade. (it was a dare. it lasted a second. you definetly forgot about it by now, right???)

✎ classpresident!jimin who pulled strings with the professor to switch out your chem partner because he was too flirty.

✎ classpresident!jimin who remembers how his face used to get all red and his hands used to get all sweaty when he had to sit next to you in 2nd grade.

✎ classpresident!jimin who tried to actually flirt exactly once—you laughed in his face. he played it off, but he actually went home and screamed into his pillow.

✎ classpresident!jimin who has literally NEVER interrupted you when you’re speaking in class. not once. even if you’re wrong, even if he’s dying to correct you. he waits, because you’re the only person he respects at that level.

✎ classpresident!jimin who replies with “make me” evrey time you tell him to shut up.

✎ classpresident!jimin who 100% knows the way you smell. the actual name of your perfume—he looked it up. and now, when he catches whiffs of it in public, his head whips around like a dog hearing a toy jingle.

✎ classpresident!jimin who is in love with you—no matter what he says or how he rolls his eyes. painfully, hopelessly, endlessly in love with you, and he’ll take it to his grave…unless you find out.

lulu speaks pt2: when i found this picture of jimin i was half asleep and literally didn’t know if i was hallucinating or not. i wasn’t!! it’s real 💆🏻‍♀️

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📚 HIGH OFF YOU — PJM

IN WHICH: a certain nerd gets peer-pressured into taking an edible. then perfect little you comes along, vowing to be his caretaker for the night.

pairing: high!nerd!jimin x sober!popular!reader

warnings: mentions of edibles, weed. alcohol. houseparty. peer pressure (lighthearted edition). first time getting high. sober caretaker. fem!reader. you will want to read THIS for more context—highly recommended, not mandatory.

word count: 595

lulu speaks: this was impulsive and dumb but it’s here so i ask that you take very good care of it. he’s such a cutie??? also reader’s lowkey a baddie and i need her but anyways

the house is alive.

no—possessed, really. the music is too loud, the air too sticky, everyone looks like they’re in a troye sivan-induced trance.

and jimin?

jimin is vibrating and overstimulated beyond belief. he’s about a breath away from passing out on the couch.

he didn’t even really mean to take the edible.

it just sort of…happened—passed into his hand by some senior jock while taehyung yelled “DON’T BE LAME!” in the distance, and jungkook made direct eye contact and said, “YOLO.”

(which…was weirdly persuasive.)

so, here he is.

halfway into orbit. melting into the peeled leather couch. alone.

until you appear.

“jimin?”

your voice cuts through the bass like magic. a bright, perfect sound that makes him peek up—and oh god, it’s you. it’s really you.

he pushes his foggy glasses back up after having slid down the entire bridge of his nose.

your tiny black dress glints under the strobe lights. your hair brushes your shoulders. your brows are furrowed in genuine concern.

he sits up straighter. (well, tries.)

“did someone seriously give you an edible?” you question, crouching next to him like some righteous angel. “what the hell is wrong with them? you look like you’re seeing stars.”

“i am seeing stars,” he mumbles, dreamily.

you sigh, loud and dramatic. “who gave it to you?”

he points vaguely in the direction of the jocks.

you stand. hands on hips. eyes full of fury.

and jimin—bless his dumb little stoned heart—just watches you absolutely chew out three upperclassmen, and suddenly he’s not sure if the room is spinning from the edible or from the sight of you calling people out on his behalf.

by the time you come back, cheeks flushed and eyes sharp, he’s smiling like a drunk puppy.

“you’re scary,” he tells you with wide eyes.

“you’re lucky i found you,” you shoot back. “come on.”

“huh?”

“come with me, genius. i’m not letting you out of my sight.”

you don’t give him time to argue. just thread your fingers around his wrist and tug him up gently, guiding him through the chaos. he stumbles a bit, leans into your shoulder once or twice, and you…let him.

and from that point on, you stick to him like glue.

you sit next to him on the floor during some game of king’s cup. get him water. shoo away the girl who tried to give him a drink. wrap a blanket around his shoulders when he says he’s cold. take a video of him explaining the plot of finding nemo with red eyes and reconciles animated hand gestures. you smile every time he smiles.

and jimin—still floating, still warm—just watches you with big, dazed eyes, a stupid smile on his face, and one constant thought looping in his brain:

she’s so pretty.

she’s so nice to me.

i would give her the moon if she asked.

is that painting talking to me?

later, as the party winds down and you’re helping him sit on the pool coping, he blurts, “you smell like smirnoff.”

you pause. look at him. laugh—really laugh.

“and you smell like doritos.”

he doesn’t even care. he just giggles.

and when you give him that look—that sweet, curious, affectionate little look like you’ve never seen anyone quite like him before—he swears his brain melts into mush right then and there.

the sound of the pool water trickling into the skimmer is suddenly a few decibels louder, the muffled booming of something ke$ha seemingly more distant.

a smile creeps its way onto your face. his eyes literally form hearts.

he’s never taking an edible again.

lulu speaks pt2: me if there were awards for most rushed endings: 🥇🏆🏅🎖️BEWARE!! the cai bot tagged below does NOT follow this prompt/scenario.

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🛟 LIFEGUARD!JUNGKOOK HEADCANNONS

warnings: lifeguard!jungkook x lifeguard!reader. part-time summer job. yes, he’s a teenager with a full sleeve tattoo. ignore the logic. reader is a gorgeous baddie (just like you). he has a PHHAATTT crush on reader. teehee

lulu speaks: SOMEBODY SEDATE ME BEFORE I JUMP ON THAT CHLORINE INFESTED DICK 🤑🤑

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who notices when the pre-teen girls do flips and jump in the pool in “cool” ways to try and get his attention. he just giggles and shakes his head.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who knows your schedule better than management does. he’s not stalking you—he’s just… informed. hyper-aware. “oh, she usually gets here around 2:45… not that i’m watching the clock or anything.”

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who has a very tiny, very silly, very managed crush on you. very under control. very…very.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who takes hydration very seriously. he carries one of those giant half-gallon water jugs everywhere, full of ice and either hose water or an egregious amount of blue gatorade.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who reeks of sunscreen, bug repellent, and chlorine.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who is incredibly good with kids. he claps when the toddlers make their first jump, gives high-fives during his pH testing time, lets them climb on his shoulders when he breaks pool rules and gets in.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who walked into a nearby 7/11 after accidentally keeping his lifeguard uniform on. he didn’t even notice until the cashier called him “baywatch”.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who decides to simply not wear his shirt when you’re working a shift with him. he claims it’s purely coincidental. okay jungkook. sure.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who glances over at you while he’s sitting on his tall lifeguard chair so much that it’s borderline hazardous.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who smiles extra cheekily when you decide to take up the rest of his shift for him. he’ll probably just end up staying and doing your maintenance for you.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who stays after hours almost every evening. the sky turning a certain hue of purple, the pool clear of moms and their kids. just him. and maybe you.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who notices when the moms (single or not) bat their eyelashes at him. he doesn’t engage. because he did once, and let’s just say that wasn’t the best summer he’s had.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who challenges you to cannonball competitions during adult swim, the towel-wrapped kids being the judges.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who would 100% dive into the pool with a serious face if you so much as even slipped in.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who texts you “get home safe?” every time you get the late shift. it’s still light outside by the time you do, but it’s the thought that counts.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who literally forgot to blow the whistle when someone broke a rule one time because you had just walked by and adjusted your swimsuit strap.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who thinks about you when he does laps. like an idiot. breathes out under water and pretends it’s not because he imagined what you’d look like sitting on the edge, feet in the pool, smiling just for him.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook whose voice subconsciously gets deeper around you. he didn’t even notice until one of the other guards said, “okay darth vader”. jungkook turned red.

𓇼 lifeguard!jungkook who has been in love with you since his first summer on the job but has no idea what to do about it.

lulu speaks pt2: wenomechainsama 🔥 tumajarbisaun 🗣️wifenlooof 🤤 eselifterbraun ❤️‍🔥

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🛹 SKATERBOY!JIMIN HEADCANNONS

warnings: rodrick heffley-anna coleman (freaky friday) crossover. set somewhere between 1994-2006. he’s also never beating the bitch allegations (no version of jimin is). mentions of smoking, etc. IT GETS A LITTLE SPICY DOWN THERE! reader discretion is advised.

lulu speaks: aka what boredom and loneliness does to a girl. also yes ik vapes weren’t popularized until later but the sentence sounded good 💔

★ skaterboy!jimin who is rarely ever spotted in class.

★ skaterboy!jimin who always has some stupid little injury. bruised hip from trying to ollie a shopping cart. split knuckles from a rough landing off his stolen skateboard.

★ skaterboy!jimin who grins with blood on his teeth like it’s a flex, the painful aftermath of a stupid fight.

★ skaterboy!jimin who drives a beat-up hand-me-down car that smells like weed, sweat, and cinnamon gum. it’s a mess inside—burnt CDs everywhere, ripped seats, duct-taped glovebox—but it’s so him.

★ skaterboy!jimin who once kissed you in a gas station parking lot while Nirvana blasted from his car stereo. it tasted like peach vape and rebellion. you swore you wouldn’t let it happen again. It happened the next day.

★ skaterboy!jimin keeps a polaroid of you in his wallet, maybe half-naked. when you ask, he just shrugs and says, “you looked hot. why wouldn’t I keep it?”

★ skaterboy!jimin who once showed up at your window completely drenched from the rain, hoodie soaked through, bruised and breathless. no explanation. just, “i needed to see you.”

★ skaterboy!jimin who climbs through your window like he’s never heard the concept of a door.

★ skaterboy!jimin who keeps his helmet covered in stickers. you put a sparkly heart one on it once. he pretended to hate it. never took it off.

★ skaterboy!jimin who’s flicking a cigarette off the curb one second, the next he’s curled up in your lap like a cat, nuzzling into your tummy with his busted-up knuckles holding your thigh. “only sleep good when I’m with you,” he murmurs.

★ skaterboy!jimin who loves when you’re laid out on his bed in his band tee, legs over his shoulders, his grip bruising your hips as he devours you—eyes dark, lips slick, hair messy from the way your hands gripped for dear life.

★ skaterboy!jimin who had crawled in through your bedroom door at midnight on a school night. his excuse? he just “missed you”. bullshit. he had you laying down on your own bed, chain dangling from his neck as his arms propped himself up form either side of you.

★ skaterboy!jimin who was very obviously hated by your parents.

★ skaterboy!jimin who is kinda dumb in other subjects, brilliant in art class.

★ skaterboy!jimin who will doodle on his desk, your hand, or his jeans—skulls, roses, hearts with your initials in them.

★ skaterboy!jimin who would turn the world upside down for you. mention someone giving you a hard time? he’s already cracking his knuckles. doesn’t care who it is—he’ll throw hands and come back grinning with a split lip like it was worth it.

★ skaterboy!jimin who steals little trinkets just to give them to you. a cutesy keychain, a lighter, a lollipop. he offers it to you like it’s precious, saying, “this made me think of you,”

★ skaterboy!jimin who only shows face at school so he can be around you. carrying your things for you, doodling you from the other end of the classroom, begging you to skip class with him—only for you two to sneak into an empty bathroom stall to makeout.

★ skaterboy!jimin who is a little rough around the edges. not everyone’s cup of tea, but he was yours, and that was all either one of you cared about.

lulu speaks (pt2): ok it’s official i’m in love w this loser. cai bot coming soon bc unfortunately i’m such a slut for him 💔

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🫟 SCENEKID!JUNGKOOK HEADCANNONS

warnings: himbo energy. likely a very innacurate depiction of scene kids. set somewhere between 2007-2012. he’s kind of a loser. in a hot good way.

lulu speaks: I LOVE HIM SO BAD YOU DONT UNDERSTAND.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who walks into class late everyday, blasting asking alexandria loud enough that you can hear it clearly through his headphones.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who hangs out in the back of spencer’s with his friends and points out every inappropriate item like he’s so brave.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who doesn’t flirt. he just zones out and stares at you with his chin propped up in his hand like an actual idiot.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who uses corny typing quirks like mixing capital letters with lowercase letters in a sentence that ABSOLUTELY does not need to be as dramatic as he makes sound.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who buys EXCLUSIVELY fruit flavored vapes. no exceptions. except maybe a cotton candy one if he’s feeling expiremental.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who is probably the biggest gyopo you’ll ever encounter in your life.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who sits at the back of the cafeteria with his friends, eating some red 40-filled bullshit while trying (and failing) to gawk at you without garnering their attention.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who has a gif of zim and gir kissing in the corner of his myspace page.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who posts grainy, horrible quality pictures of himself baring his teeth and captioning it with soemthing corny like, “TEEF >:3”

✶ scenekid!jungkook who wears his green-striped zip up hoodie and tight black skinny jeans to the mall, sipping on a coke while giggling like a 10 year old about the “i ♥︎ boobies” bracelet in zumiez. he then buys it and does a shit job at hiding it from his mom.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who gets detention for blowing a suspicious, sweetly scented white cloud from his mouth behind his textbook, which was propped up to conveniently hide his whole face from his teacher. yes, it was his watermelon pen. he calls it “a free air freshener”. the school calls it a safety hazard.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who has a real lip ring, but says it’s fake around his mom (she still has no clue he got it done).

✶ scenekid!jungkook who poses for pictures by pouting and mimicking a fake tear by dragging his finger down his face.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who has NO type. scene girl? he’s down bad. emo girl? would die for her. goth girl? oh, he’s barking. popular girl? foaming at the mouth. he just loves women. period.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who gives the jocks and preppy guys death stares when he’s walking down the hallway. he’s silent with his hatred, but NOT subtle. not in the slightest.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who always keeps his ipod clipped on his hoodie pocket.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who sharpie tattoos himself all over. any skin that’s not clothed is getting covered in tiny, senseless doodles. his mom tells him he’ll get ink poisoning. he rolls his eyes when he scrubs it off.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who once got called “kinda hot in a weird way” by a popular girl. he got hard.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who would go on a multiple hour-long tangent about monster flavors if you’d let him. and BOY does he want to.

✶ scenekid!jungkook who accidentally walks into walls, doors, and windows because he’s too busy flipping through the songs on his playlist to find one that matches his exact mood.

lulu speaks pt2: SAW THIS BOY AT THE MALL LAST WEEK, GOT THE KIND OF LOOK TO MAKE ME FREAK . THAT LONG ASS HAIR WITH THE TIGHTEST JEANS, MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE ON HIS TEE. HE LOOKED SO SICK LIKE HE WAS DYING, IF I SAID HE WASN’T HOT THEN I’D BE LYING. PLEASE, HANDSOME, DONT BE COY, COME ON, FUCK ME, EMO BOY 🗣️🗣️🗣️

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210 notes & 104 followers ily all 🥹🥹

📚 NERD!JIMIN HEADCANNONS (2)

warnings: literally non lol. fluff, yearning, pining, slight jealousy and angst if you squint and cover your eyes. he has a PHHHHAAAATTTTTT crush on reader. cutie pie.

lulu speaks: i recommend you read PART 1 before continuing. highly recommended, not 100% necessary.

✎ nerd!jimin who doodles tiny marvel logos in the margins of his notes and once drew your name in comic sans.

✎ nerd!jimin who acts like he doesn’t know how to share a word document, just so you lean over and touch his computer. he’s an honor roll student. he knows how to share a word document.

✎ nerd!jimin who is so unfortunately obvious with his crush on you that professors give him cheeky little side eyes when you interact with him.

✎ nerd!jimin who carries a mini glasses cleaning kit in a tiny pouch. there’s a spray bottle of cleaner and two different microfiber cloths.

✎ nerd!jimin who runs a reddit account where he corrects marvel lore inaccuracies but logs out in shame every time he gets upvoted.

✎ nerd!jimin who said “you look really pret— uh— prepared! f-for class. your notes! are nice.” and then didn’t speak again for two days.

✎ nerd!jimin who knows your laugh by heart. not just the sound—but the types. your real laugh. your fake laugh. your giggle when you're trying not to laugh in class. he could give a TED talk about it.

✎ nerd!jimin who once walked past your classroom while you were giving a presentation and literally backed up to stand by the door so he could listen in. heart pounding. smiling like an idiot every time you made a joke.

✎ nerd!jimin who prays you’ll ask him for help in class. he wants to explain the quadratic formula to you. he wants you to say “you’re so smart, jimin.” he’d black out if you did.

✎ nerd!jimin who saw his first marvel movie in theaters at age 10 and it literally altered his brain chemistry. he walked out thinking he was iron man. his mom had to drag him away from the cardboard standee.

✎ nerd!jimin who secretly fantasizes about watching every marvel movie with you in chronological order. on his couch. a blanket, snacks, you asking him questions everytime a new face appears on the screen. him explaining the lore. you leaning on his shoulder during thor: love and thunder.

✎ nerd!jimin who literally forgets how to breathe when you’re near. he has to manually inhale. “okay, jimin. inhale. now smile. no, not like a serial killer. relax. look cool.”

✎ nerd!jimin who gets stupidly jealous way too often. he bites the inside of his cheek and taps his pencil like he’s trying to stab the table. his jealousy doesn’t look explosive—it looks like fidgeting, clenched fists, murmuring “whatever, he’s not even that funny.”

✎ nerd!jimin who gets caught staring at you and does that abnoxiously awkward thing where he looks away too fast and pretends to read. it’s actually a sticky note he wrote to himself that says, “finish chem hw dumbass.”

✎ nerd!jimin who bumps into you in the hallway and apologizes nine times before realizing it was barely a graze. “sorry! i wasn’t looking. my fault. are you okay? i didn’t—okay. sorry. i’ll just—okay. sorry.”

✎ nerd!jimin who organizes his closet by color, category, and season. all his socks are folded into perfect little cubes.

✎ nerd!jimin who fidgets constantly. with his pen, his sleeves, the drawstring of his hoodie. if he’s concentrating, he’ll chew the inside of his cheek or bounce his leg so hard the table shakes.

✎ nerd!jimin who gets the hiccups when he’s nervous. you smile at him for too long? hic. you sit next to him during a lecture? hic. he wants to cry and crawl into his backpack.

✎ nerd!jimin who thinks loving you must be some kind of secret superpower. something he was cursed or blessed with. something that makes every day a little harder—and a lot better.

lulu speaks pt2: hi 👋🏼👋🏼 nobody asked for this but I wanted this to happen. and you can’t stop me. nobody can. never. NEVERRRRR MWAHAHAHAHAHA

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