Decaffeinatedpeacetragedy - Need Coffee

So my family has a Gay Pirate Plate.

Stay with me.

We do not know how the hell the Gay Pirate Plate was first acquired. This being a point of contention is actually pretty plot-relevant; the saga of the Gay Pirate Plate began with my grandmother and her sister, who, for some ungodly reason, both BADLY wanted the Gay Pirate Plate and believed it to be rightfully theirs.

I should back up, firstly, to establish: The Gay Pirate Plate is the cheapest, tackiest, ugliest plate in existence.

It is in no way a collector’s item. It is physically impossible for it to complement anyone’s decor, because the colors in it are garish. It’s just a ceramic plate with a gay pirate painted on it, and the painting is, this cannot be emphasized enough, extremely bad.

(How do we know the pirate is gay if he’s just posing on a plate? Listen. Fully 100% to stereotype, but he is. He is gay. There’s an energy. That pirate is a flaming homosexual. That pirate has sex with men and does it frequently. That pirate is fucking gay, all right, he just is.)

Anyway. The point is that this is an extremely cheap and ugly plate with a poorly-executed painting of pirate on it who is like a nine on the Kinsey scale.

My grandmother and her sister fought a blood feud over this plate for their entire lives. It would be on the wall in my grandma’s house, and then her sister would visit, and then it would be gone. She’d visit her sister and the plate would be on the wall and her sister would pretend it had always been there. She would steal it back, hang it up, and, when her sister visited, pretend it had always been there. This continued for DECADES.

When the sister died, the Gay Pirate Plate lived triumphantly in my grandmother’s house. And then my grandmother died. And my aunt, who had lived with her and been her carer throughout her life, rightfully inherited their house.

We visit my aunt after the funeral and stay with her for a week or two.

Me, my sister, and our dad. Her brother.

The three of us look at each other. We don’t say anything. We studiously avoid making eye contact with the Gay Pirate Plate mounted proud and ugly on the wall. We notice one another studiously avoiding looking at it. We notice one another noticing. We say nothing. We come to a silent consensus. We pack up to leave. We get in the van. Our aunt comes out to say goodbye. I loudly announce I need to use the restroom before we leave. She obviously stays outside to continue talking to my dad.

I take down the Gay Pirate Plate, stuff it under my oversized sweatshirt, go outside, and get in the van. She happily waves goodbye as we drive off.

Two days later my dad gets a phone call that opens with hysterical laughter and “You FUCKING ASSHOLE did you seriously STEAL THE PLATE–”

Anyway. The gay pirate plate lives in my dad’s house currently.

But he’s trying to get me and my sister out to visit him. And plate mounts are cheap.

Looking for a fic.

Has been found

It's a lila salt, I don't remember who wrote it but I'm pretty sure it was either on here or on AO3. But basically from what I remember is that Lila's mom finds out she's a liar and tricks her that their going to visit lila's dad in Italy who is a principal at like a military school. Lila is saying that Adrien is her bf and such. Please help me find it.

Life purpose fulfilled.

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Part 1 | Part 2

I’d also like to reiterate to the migrants:

Please reblog shit

This is not the kind of place to have a perfectly aestheticized “blog”. Reblogging posts 1) shows you aren’t a bot 2) helps you gain followers 3) helps your followers find more people to follow 4) makes your mutuals feel loved

And most importantly

5) This is how you spread nonsense like the plague.

Which is the spiritual essence of this website.

Also tagging is kinda bullshit. Yes tag for topics, but also you can put your thoughts in the tags in whatever disorganized fashion you want.

Also also, watch out for porn bots. They’re getting smarter with each wave.

"Ah, Sundays." Aizawa sighed contently. "Where school's not in session and I can relax and catch up on my shows." His ears picked up the sound of someone running up to his door. He sighed. "And right on cue," Shouta went to answer the door. "A loud blond comes to ruin my peace."

"Eraserhead!" Mt. Lady in an odd state of undress, "You gotta help me! Deku found me banging his mom!"

Shouta could feel the oncoming headache. "And why are you here?" He seethed.

"I wanna keep banging his mom."

"Right, why did I expect anything different." Shouta rubbed his temples. "Guest room's the third door on the right."

"Thanks, Eraserhead!" Mt. Lady said as she rushed down the hall.

Shouta closed the door before it was knocked on again. He opened the door to find his friend, Kayama Nemuri, the Pro Hero Midnight. "You better not also be fucking Midoriya's mother."

"Shouta!" Kayama gasped, "I would never!" She paused. "Now, Bakugou's mother…"

"Bakugou Mitsuki is married." Shouta frowned.

"Oh, Masaru's well aware." Nemuri winked.

"Disgusting. Hide under my couch."

"You got it!"

Shouta tried to close the door, but caught sight of Miruko rushing at his apartment, so he simply opened the door wider. "Please tell me you're not boning one of my student's mothers." He drawled.

"Nope!" Miruko grinned.

Shouta quirked an eyebrow.

"I'm boning Todoroki Fuyumi!" Miruko guffawed.

"Bathroom's the door on the left." Shouta sighed, pointing a thumb down the hall.

"Nice, you're a bro!" Miruko grinned, before running down the hall.

Shouta sighed before closing his door, only for three of his students to crash through his window, only one of them characteristically angry. The other two were uncharacteristically angry.

"Problem children-" Shouta began before they all started screaming over one another.

"Mt. Lady-"

"Midnight-"

"Miruko-"

"My mom-"

"MY FOLKS-"

"My sister-"

The door slammed open behind Shouta, and Fukukado Emi, the bane of his existence, strode in. "Eraser!" She announced, "I'm back from the home for troubled women!"

"Checking in, I hope." Shouta muttered.

"Nope! I was meeting troubled women!" Fukukado laughed. "And let me tell you about this real beaut of a babe I met in room 319-"

"Wait," Todoroki stopped her, "Did this woman have white hair and brown eyes?"

"Yep!" Fukukado replied happily, "How'd you know about lil' Rei? You her brother?"

Todoroki inhaled through his nose, then turned to Shouta. "Aizawa-sensei, permission to blow up the apartment?"

"Fuck it, go nuts."

"Thank you."

There was a cold snap, a flare of fire, and the apartment exploded.

And then it exploded again.

And once more, for good measure.

Shoutout to these gifs from Crystalized, gotta be one of my favorite genders

U.S. congressman ralph norman stating he hopes bats go extinct, just earlier this week as he voted against endangered species protections.

His office, where you can have statements or messages passed on to him:

(202) 225-5501

This song and lloyd… ourgh my heart hurts

Me, refusing to leave tumblr: sir, this is my emotional support hellsite