Denkeschon - /shittypoem

✧・ﾟ:*Today’s magical girl of the morning is: Cynthia from Gothic Wa Mahou Otome!✧・ﾟ:*

//end

On my studies this week my mentor said I should never write negative things, or things that might bring bad emotions or thoughts to people. Therefore, I deleted a bunch of my posts. Happens that I can be very negative when I am sad or tired. I guess it is human to have negative emotions from time to time, specially when the circumstances you are at, are no the best as possible. Thinking on that and putting that together with many other small conversations I had with people during this time, I decided to change, to go after things I should’ve gone way before and to try to be better at the same time as a person, but not only better to other people, but to myself. I need to be kinder to myself, more comprehensive with my emotions and limits. And I honestly think everybody else should too.

There is a long time since the last time I did anything recklessly. Since I can remember I have something, some problem, some idea, anything that I might have to deal with, occupying my mind and taking me from the things I like to do. Hobbies, I mean.

However, lately, thanks to quarantine, I've been able to do this things. I've been watching many movies, which might seem normal but I didn't used to do as much since I was too worried about getting enough sleep, working out, going to college, getting my driver's license and all of those ordinary things. I have, also, started to read a book or two, didn't finish any - you see, reading on the internet era is a little bit complicated. I've been definitely taking better care of myself. My self-esteem, my health, my relation with my family.

I found myself to be so deeply immerse on my daily life problems that I forgot how to be a living been, I was so worried about being "healthy", getting good grades this semester and doing my best to eventually have a future that I forgot about the present.

This quarantine has been - at least for myself - quite good. I've been more self conscious, could realize how I was without knowing suffering from an ED, could realize how my mom can be here now but since she is older might not be in here for much longer (let's give some 25years), could realize how your plans for the future might not happen and how you should find a way to enjoy what you have and what you can for sure have. I don't know, even if everything changes somehow, even if my plans of 6 months ago don't happen, I know, today, that I can adapt, I can change the course of my life and always be a new and better me. All I need to do is stop and look at myself.

Long time no see

"My soul is the mirror of the universe, and my body is its frame."

-Voltaire; Micromegas

Joana: This is crazy!!

Rodrigo: Nothing is really crazy. Some things are just different.

Charlotte: Well, there must be some standard for what is crazy and what is normal,, like, how can we know what is right and what is not?

Rodrigo: Maybe we just created those ideas, maybe everything can be ok in a different circumstance, maybe what we judge as a polite or nice conversation can be annoying on another point of view or time.

Joana: WHAT?

Rodrigo: Think at this like what we consider wrong today or what we consider normal now days. Would you say it was always wrong or normal? During the history of modern society, was everything normal all the time?

Joana: Of course not!

Charlotte: Most definitely not, some things are just insane today or used to be at some point.

Rodrigo: That's my point. Nothing is crazy because the idea of crazy is always linked to the idea of normal,, and what's normal today might not be tomorrow and what we consider a crazy person may become what we consider a bright or extremely intelligent person in the future. Just think about it next time you think a idea is crazy.

So I’m in love with the Tropical Rouge Cure designs, especially Cure Summer.

Many things give me reasons but almost not brings me energy to do so.

Night in Edinburgh.

I'm on a point that I don't know if I'm struggling with quarantine or struggling with life itself.

I was planning on doing the aupair, found a family, they live in a nice place to study on the area I want to work on, it would be nice, go a year abroad, study on a foreign University, come back and have a nice curriculum to get a nice internship on my area.

However, like always, something needs too go wrong and here we Are with quarantine, I don't know if I will be able to get the visa, the driver license and go to do the program.

Here I am again, rebuilding everything from the scratches, thinking on an plane b, c or d because it is regular on my life to the first or the second plant don't work out. So, ok, the aupair might not work so I must find a way to improve my life in here or try a different program, there is many options honestly but we always choose to surrender to anxiety.