Sirius: I Want To Wake Up With You Every Day For The Rest Of Our Lives.

Lily: Severus, I think we have a problem.

Severus: What, the fire?

Lily: No, the- wait, what fire?

Severus: Oh forget about it, this sounds more interesting.

*******************Reversed Roles*****************

Severus: Lily, I think we have a problem.

Lily: What, the fire?

Severus: No, the- wait, what fire?

Lily: Oh forget about it, this sounds more interesting.

Lucius, about a fight between Bellatrix and Severus: It scares me how many knives were involved.

Lily: There… weren’t any knives involved though?

Lucius: That’s what scares me.

*************************OR***********************

Narcissa, about a fight between Lily and Severus: It scares me how many knives were involved.

Regulus: There… weren’t any knives involved though?

Narcissa: That’s what scares me.

Severus, sniffling: Calm down, I’m probably not sick. It might just be allergies.

Regulus: Okay, tell me this, are you like, really tired?

Severus: I have depression, what do you think?

More incorrect quotes

******************************

Severus: Start talking!

James: Well, I-

Severus: Shut up!

*****************************

James: This date is boring!

Severus: This isnt a date. I said I was going to the store.

James: Then why did you invite me?

Severus: I didnt, I specifically said "dont come with me" then you said " fuck you Severus I'll do whatever I want!

****************************

Severus: Bro-

James: No, no, hold up, rewind.

James: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

***************************

Sirius: Oh, my God. Do you know what this is?

Severus: It’s a book. There’s a lot of those in here, this is a library.

**************************

James: Can I ask a dumb question?

Severus: Better than anyone I know.

*************************

Remus: Why should I make my bed, when I'm just gunna unmake it to sleep in it anyways?

Severus: Why should I feed you if your just gunna die anyways?

Remus:

Remus: I'll go make my bed-

************************

Severus: Remus, get that hidious thing out of the living room, would you?

Remus: Sirius, Severus wants you to get out of the house.

***********************

Remus, bursting into the room: You two are having sex!

Severus, not looking up from their book: Really? James, why didn’t you tell me? I would have put my book down.

**********************

Sirius: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.

Severus: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory.

James: Fuck you.

*********************

Sirius: Severus, I am questioning your sanity...

James: I never questioned it, I knew their sanity was missing from the start.

********************

James: Remus, I’m afraid.

Remus: Just stay close to Severus.

James: That's why I’m afraid.

*******************

Remus: And now for a gay update with Severus and Sirius.

Sirius: Getting gayer.

Remus: Thank you, Sirius.

******************

Remus: H-how do you ask someone out?

Sirius: Well, first-

Severus: Don't ask him, he asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot.

Remus: ...And you said yes?

*****************

James: When you work at lush and a customer comes in and bites the soap because they think it’s cheese... this happens way more frequently than you think.

Severus: If you stopped literally presenting soap as deli food this wouldn't happen.

James: Who goes into a bath store and thinks something covered in glitter is cheese?

Remus: Who goes to the store and just takes a bite from the cheese?

****************

Sirius: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Severus: Okay.

Sirius: And make out during the scary parts.

Severus: Th-

Severus: The scary parts.

Severus: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

***************

Severus: Look, last night was a mistake.

Sirius: A sexy mistake.

Severus: No, just a regular mistake.

**************

Severus, after getting a job as a life guard: Hmm... I wonder what those things at the bottom of the pool are..

Remus: THOSE ARE PEOPLE DROWNING!

*************

Remus: *angrily presses Severus against a wall* WHERE'S THE CHOCOLATE?!

Severus: ...

Severus: Are we about to kiss-

************

Severus: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.

Remus: Those are wanted posters!

***********

Severus: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.

James: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.

Severus: ...

Severus: You mean ring bearER, right?

James: ...

Severus: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

**********

*James and Severus looking at a locked gate into a park*

James: Aw. :(

Severus: You know what they say.

James: Please don’t-

Severus: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*

James: Fuck-

*********

Severus: Watcha doin?

James: Stealing my neighbour’s cat.

Severus: Scandalous.

Severus: Can I help?

********

James: I got grounded for a whole week just because I came home late.

Severus: Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everyone's hopes up like that and then showing up again.

*******

Severus: What's gone wrong, James?

James: Hey! That’s one hell of a thing to say to a person. Just because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis.

Severus: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling?

James: Well... There’s a crisis.

******

Severus: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before. I don’t know the rules.

James: What?

Severus: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?

*****

Sirius, dramatically: They called me a fool.

Severus, sick of Sirius's shit: They weren’t wrong.

****

Severus: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Sirius: This is a lie.

Sirius: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.

Sirius: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

***

Severus: You shouldn't be using a straw.

Sirius: I know, I know, it's bad for the environment and stuff.

Severus: Yeah, but I mean... it's a weird way to eat spaghetti.

**

Sirius: We all have our demons.

Sirius, grabbing Severus: This one’s mine.

*

Sirius: What goes up but never comes down?

Severus: The amount of stress you're bringing this family.

Regulus, turning to Lucius: Stop calling yourself hot, the only thing you can turn on is the microwave.

Y'all- this fucking toxicity 🤡✋

Hold up there's more

Don’t condemn Draco for bullying Harry and then praise the Marauders for bullying Snape.

Don’t condemn Snape for dropping a branch on Petunia at an age when he couldn’t control his magic and then praise Harry for setting a snake on Dudley at an age when he couldn’t control his magic.

Don’t condemn Snape for changing sides when Lily’s life was threatened and then praise Dumbledore, Regulus, and Narcissa for changing sides when the lives of their loved ones were threatened.

Don’t condemn Snape for his treatment of his students and then sweep other teachers’ mistreatments of their students under the rug.

Don’t condemn Snape for being a product of his environment and then excuse various other characters’ behavior by saying that they were products of their environments.

Don’t condemn Snape for doing certain things and then praise other characters for doing the exact same things just because you like them. Your hypocrisy is showing.

Lily: Yeah I'm LGBT.

Lily: cuLt leader.

Lily: God hates me personally.

Lily: cowBoy hat.

Lily: *sniffles* Trying my best.

*************************OR***********************

Severus: Yeah I'm LGBT.

Severus: cuLt leader.

Severus: God hates me personally.

Severus: cowBoy hat.

Severus: *sniffles* Trying my best.

I even convinced my mom to ship it lmaoo 👨🏻‍🚒❤👨🏼‍🚒

this is your “i was here before buddie canon” certificate. reblog to let people know you were here before buddie canon hence being better and superior to other people who were not here before buddie canon.

Severus: James and I are no longer dating.

James: Severus, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.