There Are Wounds That Never Show On The Body That Are Deeper And More Hurtful Than Anything That Bleeds.

Contacts

Contacts imply the willingness to show myself. Without contact to the people around me I would become even more lonely. Yes, I am actually dependent on it in difficult situations. As the mental pressure increases, help takes on a different meaning.

Everyday life is a reality that is consciously dreamed every day - a waking dream, a clear dream. The ego that acts in this external sphere is hardly ever the initiator of its actions. And people whose sphere of activity is narrowed and limited tend to have depressing dreams.

Missing you so much

Everything feels so heavy without him

what am I supposed to do

Cant trust them. I dont know them. Something is missing. Cant even trust myself.

It feels like I cant go on any longer like this

I dont like the thought that the things I remember really well right now are a part of me. I want them to unhappen.

All these thoughts in my head I dont want to think. I really cant talk about some of my thoughts. I ’d have to kill myself if I ’ll ever talk about it. It ’s too much. I am too small.

How am I supposed to handle all this stuff?

Open up

It's important to me to show the people around me how I feel. Dropping the mask, putting me through to others. This is not an easy task and requires a lot of effort. Feelings of shame and worthlessness are spreading. Opening up to this vulnerability is unfamiliar.

Some people love themselves so little that they cannot understand when someone else loves them

Someone’s always there for you. No matter what.

Responsibility

As long as I do not take full responsibility for myself, I will continue to wander the world, hoping to find my happiness somewhere. But where should I look if not in me? The avoidance and evasion of unpleasant feelings increasingly reduces one's own room for maneuver. Running away cannot be a permanent solution.

Depression is telling you a boldface lie and dressing it as truth.

What are your three favourite bands? (I know it's hard to choose but at least to have an idea)

I think I have a very unusual taste in music.It's a bit hard to answer, because I don't commit myself to a band or music genre, but rather to individual songs. It depends on the mood I'm in.Flight Facilities, Flume and Metronomy are worth a shot though.

I had stopped feeling, feeling what my emotions wanted to tell me. Eventually the pressure became so strong that I couldn’t ignore it. And I was amazed at how big the emotional memory of my subconscious seems to be. I was getting more and more aware that I couldn’t run away from myself.